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Original poster

How do you cope with the sheer terror of going out with your learner driver DC?

81 replies

fairyhouse · 08/07/2021 08:52

Or is it just me? He's had 6 lessons of 2 hours each and seems to be making good progress. But I just cannot relax in the car with him driving! I'll admit to being a control freak, and I seem unable to stop myself clutching the sides or shooting my brake foot out! Poor DS. But he just seems very erratic still and it's making those quick decisions that experienced drivers don't even think about. My DH is calmer with him but works away a lot so I do need to somehow get over it!

OP posts:
IHaveBrilloHair · 08/07/2021 09:58

For insurance purposes my car can't be driven by anyone under 25, so I won't have this problem Grin

LovelyGirlCompetition · 08/07/2021 09:59

Ha. Good times Grin. I waited until my eldest was ready to book a test then let him drive everywhere. Luckily he was brilliant. I didn't instruct as such, just kept an eye out for potential safety issues. Everyone is different though, and my youngest, I am not looking forward to! But same rules, once the test is booked.

frostymornings · 08/07/2021 10:09

@imaginethemdragons

Deep breaths. Push through your bottom. Voice low. Big car parks. Short journeys.

Of course, in your head, the voices can be screaming bloody blue murder at each other.
But
On your surface, calm, smile, remember, deep breaths & push through your bottom.

But, if I push through my bottom there's a strong chance I will poo myself BlushGrinGrin

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Driving & parking
starfishmummy · 08/07/2021 10:11

Is it just your learner DC? Once I could drive I became a terrible passenger! I remember my brother - an experienced and safe driver, who I had never had any problems being with - telling me that there was no brake on my side so I didnt need to put my foot on it!!

And as for fil, he has a completely different driving style to me so its hell!!

ISaidDontLickTheBin · 08/07/2021 10:12

Don't take them out until they've got a test booked,

TiredButDancing · 08/07/2021 10:16

This is the thing I don't understand - so many people are terrible drivers and I think it' because they don't get enough practice in before they get their license. This thread is showing me why. If the parents don't let the child drive, and they're expected to learn it in a weekly lesson with a professional, no wonder they're all so terrified when they actually get on the road.

If you are too scared to get in the car with your DC, then quite frankly, you shouldn't be letting them on the road at all.

Summerleaves · 08/07/2021 10:18

@TiredButDancing

This is the thing I don't understand - so many people are terrible drivers and I think it' because they don't get enough practice in before they get their license. This thread is showing me why. If the parents don't let the child drive, and they're expected to learn it in a weekly lesson with a professional, no wonder they're all so terrified when they actually get on the road.

If you are too scared to get in the car with your DC, then quite frankly, you shouldn't be letting them on the road at all.

It's the family dynamic that's the problem.

My driving instructor told me that he didn't teach his daughters for this reason.

frostymornings · 08/07/2021 10:19

@TiredButDancing

This is the thing I don't understand - so many people are terrible drivers and I think it' because they don't get enough practice in before they get their license. This thread is showing me why. If the parents don't let the child drive, and they're expected to learn it in a weekly lesson with a professional, no wonder they're all so terrified when they actually get on the road.

If you are too scared to get in the car with your DC, then quite frankly, you shouldn't be letting them on the road at all.

Ah there's always one, you can rely on MN. Thanks so much for your helpful contribution. To everyone else, solidarity in the seat of terror.
SupermanInk · 08/07/2021 10:19

But, if I push through my bottom there's a strong chance I will poo myself

😂😂😂

idontlikealdi · 08/07/2021 10:20

My husband is a teacher, lockdown proved he couldn't teach our children.

My dad was a nightmare when he tried to teach me to drive, much easier all round just to pay the professionals.

PixieKitten · 08/07/2021 10:23

Don't go out with him. Leave it to the professionals

You could unknowingly teach him your bad habits

MoiraNotRuby · 08/07/2021 10:24

I'm wondering about swapping with a friend, she could let my DC practice with her and her DC could practice with me.

Its how we put sun cream on them as wriggly toddlers and how they learnt to ride bikes.

TiredButDancing · 08/07/2021 10:24

Okay, I understand that maybe the family dynamic affects things somewhat. But sorry, I will never understand this. Almost all my friends were taught by our parents and we were driving to and from school/friends/parties etc. The few that didn't, were usually also the ones who were the worst drivers. I had to step in and teach one of DH's cousins when his parents admitted that they couldn't be in the car with him - he was a perfectly fine driver.

But I'll exit the thread as clearly I'm alone in my thinking.

OldTinHat · 08/07/2021 10:25

This is so brilliant! I was petrified going out with my two DS. Petrified! I was also equally petrified being driven my very elderly dad recently 😂 The funniest thing of all is my two sons and the other passengers in the car when with dad all suggested, individually, that I could be a driving instructor! I think the small voice in my head which was howling at me to try not to scream may have helped. That and a stiff drink on returning home...!

frostymornings · 08/07/2021 10:25

@MoiraNotRuby

I'm wondering about swapping with a friend, she could let my DC practice with her and her DC could practice with me.

Its how we put sun cream on them as wriggly toddlers and how they learnt to ride bikes.

Now that could actually be a genius solution WinkGrin
OchonAgusOchonOh · 08/07/2021 10:29

I have 3 dc who have learned to drive in the last 5 years. It was really an easy process to deal with. I tended to be very busy whenever they wanted to practice - that paint won't watch itself dry, after all.

I did have one or two sessions with each of them as occasionally dh wasn't available to go with them to their lessons. It was nerve wracking for both of us.

Youngest only passed his test about 6 months ago and I still avoid going in the car with him driving.

Aprilinspringtimeshower · 08/07/2021 10:33

@steppemum

well, to start with, until he is safe to drive without a dual control car, you should not be out in traffic with him.

I did LOTS of driving with ds.
We went to a quiet street with no cars, and he practised one thing.
So, before he had any lessons, he spent time in a deserted street just learning how to move off from stationary.

Once he had a couple of lessons, we spent an hour just going round the block. Turn left, drive straight, turn left drive straight. Then turn right drive straight.

One skill, deserted road.

Then we added more in as he learnt it. We practised what he had learnt in his lesson.
The last thing we did was enter traffic.

If you do not have this sort of quiet street where you can drive without other cars, then... don't.

Ds only had 10 lesson because of all the practice we did in between. A huge amount of early driving is mastering the physical skill of the car, and only when that is comfortable to they pay enough attention to the road. So use your time with him to speed up the physical side, and let the instructor teach the road traffice side initially.

Once he was driving in traffic safely, he basically drove everywhere all the time. Every time I went out, he came too and drove short journeys, long journeys, round the block, to the shops. Every time we went to a car park he parked 4 or 5 timesbefore we went in to the shop, to practise parking.

This. I don’t think lessons give enough time to really master manoeuvres and clutch control. We had a biggish squarish driveway and I’d just sit in car with them saying put the boot in front of garage door, now put nose in front of that tree etc. Only when I felt really confident that they’d got full control at those low speeds, had mastered steering well, and felt confident at getting the car exactly where they wanted it, did we venture out. Then as you said, stuck to certain types of manoeuvres in quiet roads. Eventually as both our confidences grew we did things the driving instructor didn’t do. For instance couple of days before test I got them to go into a busy supermarket and manoeuvre in and out of parking spots- I find that a challenge as cars tend to come at you for all directions when pulling out of spots etc. The other thing we did eventually was to pick random places they didn’t know on sat nav and then drive following the instructions rather than me saying where to go or what to do. That was helpful to increase confidence and make it feel like they were driving on their own.
OchonAgusOchonOh · 08/07/2021 10:34

@TiredButDancing

Okay, I understand that maybe the family dynamic affects things somewhat. But sorry, I will never understand this. Almost all my friends were taught by our parents and we were driving to and from school/friends/parties etc. The few that didn't, were usually also the ones who were the worst drivers. I had to step in and teach one of DH's cousins when his parents admitted that they couldn't be in the car with him - he was a perfectly fine driver.

But I'll exit the thread as clearly I'm alone in my thinking.

For me, if I was the only one, I would have gritted my teeth and got on with it but it would not have been a great experience as I struggle to bite my tongue. I was happy to let dh deal with it as he is much more patient.

I'm assuming from your post that you haven't taught one of your own dc to drive yet? It's a bit different to teaching someone you're not connected to.

Aprilinspringtimeshower · 08/07/2021 10:37

@PixieKitten

Don't go out with him. Leave it to the professionals

You could unknowingly teach him your bad habits

Actually I learnt new ways of driving from them. For instance hand breaks aren’t used in same way as they were when I was taught. I questioned what they were doing when not using it, they responded and we discussed- I learnt why it is now taught differently and changed my habits because of it.
ChimneyPot · 08/07/2021 10:40

My FIL taught DD1 to drive. She stayed with ILs for a week and did loads of driving with FIL.

DH took over when she came home. I stayed well away from it all.

My DTs are starting to learn this summer, might be more difficult to avoid when there are two learners.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 08/07/2021 10:42

Leave it to the pros. Save your relationship plus lessons are cheaper than having to fork out ridiculous sums to insure them on your car.

Original poster
fairyhouse · 08/07/2021 10:46

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

Leave it to the pros. Save your relationship plus lessons are cheaper than having to fork out ridiculous sums to insure them on your car.
Actually I've been shocked at the price of lessons, £30 an hour with a small discount for block bookings. You're right about insurance, our insurance company quoted us £700, we actually went through Marmalade which was recommended by his instructor and brought it down to £270, still extortionate though. To be fair I can't fault his instructor, he's moving DS along well while allowing him to recap. I think as a driver of 30 years you do things so automatically it's hard to experience a learner working out all the skills and coordination needed, but of course we all have to go through it.
OP posts:
frugalkitty · 08/07/2021 10:51

My DS has a month of insurance for my car now so we're going out every day as he's had twenty lessons with and instructor and isn't far off being test ready (not that you can get one round here!). They're taught differently to how we were taught and DH and I have both been in the car on a driving lesson with him as his instructor believes it's good for parents to have some faith in their ability before going out with them in their own car.

DS isn't too bad at all, I just give him the odd nudge or reminder and just chat him through things like which lane he'd need to be in or what to do when he stalls at lights etc. One thing I have noticed (and which has made me more nervous than when I started going out with him!) is that other drivers really don't care that he's a learner and won't necessarily give him more time or space. But I think that's where the instructor car having the big L plate on top has the advantage, if your at lights say, with L plates on the front and back of the car, obviously only the cars nearest you can see that you're a learner, others can't so are more impatient.

But, I think it's doing his confidence good to be getting out everyday, even if it's just a short trip. DH and I are splitting the trips out though, I've found I'm nervous for DS rather than for me, and just for now, I'm avoiding taking him anywhere that needs a hill start!

Champagneforeveryone · 08/07/2021 10:55

We're at this stage now. I'm laid back and don't stress easily whereas DH is the complete opposite. Between the three of us we've concluded that DS driving with DH would do nobody any favours at this early stage. We'll revisit this when DS is more competent and is simply kicking his heels waiting for his test.

Apart from that, I choose where we go very carefully. Also the firm and utter belief that it's just a car and we have adequate insurance should the worst happen. I have to trust in DS that he loves his little car and wouldn't actually do anything to damage it on purpose Grin

Weenurse · 08/07/2021 10:58

One hand on the hand brake.
Driving everywhere, DD2 worked 6 minutes from home. Her log book was full of 6 minute trips. Took a long time to get to her 120 hours.

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