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Pregnant teen

36 replies

Allthestrawberries · 07/07/2021 16:16

Hi all

Long time poster but have name changed for this. Need a hand hold please.. my 16year old son's girlfriend is pregnant, found out today. They are both in agreement that they don't want to continue with the pregnancy. I don't know how to feel, I don't know what to think or what I can do. I've come home from work and am just sat on the sofa in shock.
Any advice? Anyone been through this?
She has GP appointment tomorrow.

OP posts:
BunnyRuddington · 07/07/2021 16:21

Not been through it but I can imagine that you are shocked. My DC are a similar age and it's something that's crossed my mind.

How is your DS doing? Has he spoken to you about how he feels?

BigButtons · 07/07/2021 16:28

My 18 year old dd discovered she was pregnant and had a termination right at the start of the last lockdown. I must admit that even though it was absolutely right for her to have a termination I felt very conflicted as I sat with her whilst she took the pill. That was after all my potential grandchild that would cease to exist . I never said a word nor let her see that I was conflicted . The fall out for her over the past year has been horrific though.

RunningFromInsanity · 07/07/2021 16:28

Sounds like they have a plan and it’s the best one for everyone concerned.
Be supportive and keep your opinion to yourself.

BellyFlipFlop · 07/07/2021 16:35

Agree with above. I had an abortion at 17. Absolutely fine now, wasn't even a drama at the time. Quick easy done. Would have been awful if there was any hand wringing or such like from my mother.

I would perhaps tell my son how proud I was of him and his girlfriend making a mature decision. Of course you can offer practical and emotional support. And maybe a contraception chat!

Good luck op.

BellyFlipFlop · 07/07/2021 16:36

As for GP appt she could go straight to Marie Stopes? You cal self refer in lots of areas. Might save a bit of hassle

AwkwardPaws27 · 07/07/2021 16:36

Not in your shoes, but in hers. I had a termination at 16. It was the right decision for me.

Ultimately its not about how you feel; they've made a decision so the best thing you can do is support them.

They both need support, but she will need more as she'll have to deal with the physical aspects; hopefully her mum / family will help, but she'll likely want support from your DS too as it sounds like they are working through this as a couple.

Your DS may need support in dealing with emotions; his own and other people's.

Help with the practical arrangements if you can; driving / taxi fares to appointments etc. Be prepared to walk them into the clinic. Walking past a fucking protestor alone was shit.

Help your DS to be supportive emotionally but also with some comforts afterwards when she may be in pain and need to rest - chocolate, cosy darkcoloured PJs, a voucher for UberEats for a takeaway, Netflix or something for films.

Time and company is helpful, & help them consider who they want to know; my mum inviting my Catholic friend over a few days afterwards to cheer me up was not helpful as I knew they had strong views against abortion.

Make sure they are aware of & have access to reliable contraception afterwards - you can be fertile very quickly, so as much as it feels like something to think about later, it's good to sort out ASAP.

Frazzled2207 · 07/07/2021 16:41

Poor you.
I'd be devastated. However I think I would support their decision as much as I could (easy to say when I'm not in your shoes).
Be as supportive as you can be. Do you know the girlfriend's mother? Would it be useful to chat to her?

Frazzled2207 · 07/07/2021 16:43

I would perhaps tell my son how proud I was of him and his girlfriend making a mature decision.

absolutely this. It is very good that they are coming to a decision together. Many boys might have run a mile. You should be very proud of your son.

CuriousOrangee · 07/07/2021 16:56

Support their decision, whatever it may be.

I had an abortion at 17. I didn't tell my parents because I knew they'd try to convince me to keep it.

mbosnz · 07/07/2021 17:49

I haven't been in your shoes, but I've been there for my niece (my sister asked me to support her as she was in my town), and had a termination also.

It sounds a very considered and mature decision on their part. First and foremost, I'd be supporting them, but next on the list, I'd be making sure the young woman had support. If her mother isn't supportive, then it can be difficult, and she may need help ensuring she has adequate support both during and after the procedure.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 07/07/2021 17:58

I think I’d just try to be there for my son, and help him process his feelings around it. And let his gf know she was welcome to stay with us afterwards, if for any reason she preferred that to being at home.
I’d also probably have a little private cry, because I’d love to be a granny one day, but I’d process that with my own support network, not put my feelings onto them.
I did the opposite as a pregnant teen, and kept my baby, but that doesn’t give me the right to judge anyone else. I know people who made the opposite choice, some who regretted it, some who didn’t.
I’d also hope she had access to counselling and was secure in her decision before moving forward.

MotionActivatedDog · 07/07/2021 18:00

They are both in agreement that they don't want to continue with the pregnancy. I don't know how to feel, I don't know what to think or what I can do.

You feel relieved they aren’t going to have a baby, you think they’ve made a smart decision and you can offer her a lift to her termination.

MotionActivatedDog · 07/07/2021 18:02

Poor you.
I'd be devastated.

Why??? Confused

PurplePiNeAppl · 07/07/2021 18:03

Well all you can do is support their decision whatever your personal opinion

I was forced as a teen to have a termination it was horrific. My autonomy went out of the window.
Just support them. And good luck Flowers

YellowandGreenToBeSeen · 07/07/2021 18:03

I too had a termination at 16. Best decision for me and I’ve never regretted it or had a moments guilt. You’ve raised a young man who has been honest with you and who trusts you. Be proud of you both and don’t make it into a huge drama.

All will be well and all will be well.

CupOfTPlease · 07/07/2021 18:18

My sister had a baby at 16.
She is one of the best mums I know. I know this doesn't help much as they said they're not keeping the baby but it is definitely a shock to the system.

My first thought about my sister was she's a child having a child. I was angry. But it only lasted about an hour. I thought how can I be mad when she is probably scared. She was scared but she was adamant in what she was doing which was fine.

MrsDThomas · 07/07/2021 19:43

They have made the best decision. You just need to support them. Its the right one

Allthestrawberries · 07/07/2021 19:54

Thank you so much for all your replies.
Just to add some more info.. we had talked openly about contraception, even getting them condoms when they asked. I asked him a week or so ago if she was as she has a bump, he fobbed it off as a food intolerance. I'm really worried she's too late.
What is the quickest route to get a scan? It's so hard because I have to let her mum take the lead.

OP posts:
PurplePiNeAppl · 07/07/2021 20:13

@Allthestrawberries

Thank you so much for all your replies. Just to add some more info.. we had talked openly about contraception, even getting them condoms when they asked. I asked him a week or so ago if she was as she has a bump, he fobbed it off as a food intolerance. I'm really worried she's too late. What is the quickest route to get a scan? It's so hard because I have to let her mum take the lead.
The Gp can refer to an EPAU or you could pay for a private scan

Best to find out ASAP how far along she is as it could impact their decision

AwkwardPaws27 · 07/07/2021 21:24

Id suggest contacting Marie Stopes or BPAS - the first thing they'll do if unsure of dates is scan and confirm. Then they can advise on options.

CuriousOrangee · 07/07/2021 21:26

@MotionActivatedDog

Poor you. I'd be devastated.

Why??? Confused

Why?!

CuriousOrangee · 07/07/2021 21:27

I maintain that having an abortion as a teenager was the only sensible decision I made between 16 and 25.

MotionActivatedDog · 07/07/2021 21:39

Why why? Confused

BellyFlipFlop · 08/07/2021 19:18

She has a bump???

Theimpossiblegirl · 08/07/2021 19:25

If she has a visible bump, she will most likely be too late for a termination. Be prepared for this.
Teenagers and condoms aren't reliable, unfortunately.