My friend won't accept that I can't drink as much as her, on a night out!

[Wisteriabloom]

I love a drink as much as anyone, but if I go over my 'limit' I suffer from a horrendous hangover next day! For context, I can manage half a bottle of wine/prosecco, or 3 at the most cocktails, g & t's or ciders. I can't mix drinks without suffering next day, either!

I was at my friend's on Friday, together with 2 others. We take turns hosting every few months. I almost said no to Friday (knew I was working next day) but it was the only evening we could all make so I thought I'd go along but not drink much.

The prosecco came out - I had 2 (large) glasses with the others but said no to g & t's afterwards, opting to stick with tonic & ice.

My friend wasn't having it though - 'Oh you must have SOMETHING else - Would you prefer more prosecco/I've got Pimms/pink gin etc'! I said again I was fine on the tonic, needed to leave for work by 8.30 next morning and much as I like all those drinks, couldn't risk a hangover! To appease her (she still wasn't taking no for an answer), I let her add gin to my tonic (she made it far stronger than I would have)!

Despite drinking water before bed that night, i woke on Saturday feeling horrendous!🤮 Took paracetamol but it didn't touch my banging headache until about lunchtime when I started to feel slightly better. I work at a weekend activity scheme for vulnerable adults (it's quite full-on - I couldn't call in sick as there was nobody to cover me and would have had to let a family down, it's one adult per carer). I got through the 6 hour shift (just, but sensed a few eye-rolls from my colleague as I wasn't particularly with it!)😳

Last time we all met up I hosted, and when I served up their last g & t's (getting on for midnight) i switched to soft drinks (as did my neighbour as she had a lot on the next day). My friend accused us of being 'party-poopers'! Actually she always looks annoyed if I switch to a soft drink out, when she has her last cocktail! She says she doesn't get hangovers, and can't seem to understand that I do!

I don't want her to see me as boring/no fun to go out with - I love a night out, I love a few drinks, but can't keep up her pace!!

I'd be interested to hear from anyone else whose idea of 'meeting up for drinks' is way different to their friends'!

They are a bunch of prats.

I suspect that she feels worried that your approach reflects badly on her so she tries to make you drink more to make herself feel better. I have a friend who only generally has one drink while I have 2-3 and it doesn’t bother me as I’m happy in what I do

I like a drink. I wouldn’t ever make someone feel weird if they didn’t.
Would happily make them a mint tea if they didn’t mind if I had another wine.

Have a chat to her

Ditch the friends!

I've got zero tolerance for people pushing me to drink. Someone does that once, I tell them to stop; they do it twice, I walk out.

I'd lose my shit at her. Maybe that's not the healthy answer. But I 100% don't fucking care. It's fucked up to push someone else to drink more than they're comfortable with.

Your friend is behaving like someone with an alcohol issue. The issue is definitely not with you.

She wants you to drink more to validate her choice to drink as she does. Ridiculous behaviour to bully you into drinking more when you’d already said no (and given an explanation which you didn’t have to give), and to call you a party pooper. She wants a drinking partner, not a friend.

You need a new friend!

How weird, I’d have just left the G&T and ignored it, I’d never be stingy if people want more drinks so I’d want to make sure they were offered but if someone doesn’t want an alcoholic drink that’s absolutely fine, I’d leave it alone completely.

This is me, except most of the time I don’t drink any alcohol. No positive stories here though, I’ve ended up distancing myself from a lot of friends who just go on and on. Would love the balls to turn the tables and comment on the amount they drink but I don’t, I quietly seethe! New friends (work colleagues) are far more respectful and therefore nights out with them are just easier!

Sorry, not really a positive story

She's got a drinking problem. She likes you to keep up as it validates her behaviour.
Your drink refusals make her feel bad about herself.
You can't do anything about the way she feels but you need to look hard at your own boundaries and why you continued to do something (drink more) when you didn't want to.

This is exactly me and my friends. I like to call myself three-total. I don't see them very often. I don't know how their livers cope!

I don’t drink much and find it so irritating when people push me to drink more than I want to. I tend just go home if anyone starts acting like that and have distanced myself from anyone who does anyway.

I'm a recovering alcoholic, but I don't care if people drink around me. I see your friend's attitude a LOT, sadly.

Even in grown adults, peer pressure to have a skinful at every opportunity is rife. A lot of these people will very likely develop addiction issues.

What set off alarm bells for me was your friend's claim that she never gets hangovers - if there's any truth in that, it's a bad sign. Her tolerance to alcohol is increasing.

I didn't get hangovers in the last 7-8 years of my drinking career either, as my tolerance was enormous (as was the amount I was drinking). Instead, I started to go into withdrawal, which is a special kind of hell.

Stick to your guns and keep saying no to drinks if you don't want them. The insistence on drinking to excess may well catch up with your friend eventually.

I hate people pushing drink on others.
I’m guessing she wants to drink more and feels guilty. Her tactic being to make out you are boring.
Ditch the friend.

Hope that post didn't come across as preachy, btw! 😬😅

I like a few drinks if out. Friends dont drink or one just csnt drink more than 1 or 2. Never ever pressure anyone.

I HATE people like this. I have distanced myself from former friends who try to push alcohol. Your limits are similar to mine but I have had nights out in the past where people described me as 'boring' for not drinking as much as them and 'getting pissed'. It's just really tedious. Sad that they can't have fun without alcohol.

I barely drink. Most of my friends don't bat an eyelid, but occasionally an acquaintance does. It really shouldn't matter, and you certainly aren't a party pooper by the sound of it. I would guess she has less control over her drinking than you do, so is passing her concerns onto you.

Assuming you want to keep seeing this friend, could you try drinking something with lower alcohol? Like a 5% sparkling wine instead of Prosecco for example. Even better, if you’re hosting, keep a nosecco in the fridge and top yourself up from that bottle. I’ve used the nosecco hack in the past when hosting and not wanting anyone to know I was pregnant….

@Candleabra

She's got a drinking problem. She likes you to keep up as it validates her behaviour. Your drink refusals make her feel bad about herself. You can't do anything about the way she feels but you need to look hard at your own boundaries and why you continued to do something (drink more) when you didn't want to.

I agree with this.

She's protesting too much about you not drinking. I'd say she's the one with some kind of drinking issue.

I think you need to find new friends and stop hanging out with her to be honest. She sounds like a 13 year old, how ridiculous to make such a fuss about whether someone else drinks or not. Surely she’s big, bad and ugly enough to drink alone.

Just step back from the nights out if you’re not enjoying them. Why put yourself through that when you don’t have to?

Thank you all, yes, she does drink A LOT, and I don't mean that in a judgy way! Tbh I sort of envy her capacity, she can drink twice as much as me and not struggle in the least getting to work on time next morning/helping her parents move house (she did that after a full-on drinking session - said she was 'hanging' next day but managed it)! I'd have to 'plan' leaving the pub early/switch to soft drinks so I wasn't throwing up in the loo next day (this has occasionally happened😳), hardly ever now though as I know my limits!!

I sometimes suggest meeting after work or lunchtime for coffee (which tbh I prefer). She always says yes, but then cancels on the day, suggesting an evening instead! I enjoy her company but feel we're very different people🤔

‘I don't want her to see me as boring/no fun to go out with - I love a night out, I love a few drinks, but can't keep up her pace!!’

^ stop worrying about what people think of you and ensure your relationships have firm and RESPECTED boundary’s.
She is not your friend at all.

Ah I know someone like this. Just smile and keep refusing. They will make it their goal to convince you because they want the whole world to be fun. I don't think they realise how badly other people get hangovers. Stick to your guns.

Also it really isn't so cool when they are still drinking heavily many years later.