Stupid mistakes in Real Estate agent property adverts?

[Gerwurtztraminer]

Browsing properties today and have already come across

• Decorated in a neutral palate (i.e. palette)
• 2 well propositioned bedrooms (proportioned)
• a contemporaneous kitchen (contemporary)

And WHY do properties have to "benefit" from or "boast"something instead of of HAVE it e.g. "benefits from 2 bedrooms" or "boasts a new bathroom"

Or pointless extra words "off street garage is positioned at the back of the property". It's just AT the back?

If people are writing adverts how about some spelling and vocabulary lessons first?

Still sniggering at propositioned bedrooms....

There used to be a (London?) Estate agent whose shtick was brutal honesty which made for very entertaining listings

Slightly off topic but I intend to move back to Italy eventually, and the pictures of properties are just hilarious - random washing hanging snd overflowing laundry baskets in bathrooms, strangely angled concrete rooms which might be basements or just unplastered rooms, never a view from the balcony, just glimpsed through a window that there is a balcony.
And when I was looking in Spain, the agents were all in competition with each other to sell the same properties and would never tell you the exact location until they had taken you there because then if you bought it, it had to be through them. I refused to waste my time visiting a property if I hadn’t already ruled that location in.

'Deceptively spacious' always cracks me up. Means 'looks big, but isn't', which is the opposite of what the EA is trying to say..

A lot of our local EAs go in for weird Yoda speak like this: Located in the Marlings Park area of Chislehurst and close to Chislehurst Common is this immaculate five/six bedroom family home.

The most ridiculous ad that sticks in my mind is the huge billboard that was advertising the agent himself. The billboard had a photo of the agent 'Joe Bloggs of ABC Realty' with his slogan printed beside his (ridiculously-smug-for-someone-who-says-dumb-things) face in great big letters: "Success Works!"
I still don't understand what he thought he was trying to tell people.

Means 'looks big, but isn't', which is the opposite of what the EA is trying to say..

It's odd how some houses do that. I won't link a house I'm criticising but there's one on RightMove at the moment that looks massive - detached, on a hill, one of those houses with two sections to the roof plus what looks like a ground floor extension ... it's tiny. Two small bedrooms and a galley kitchen. It baffles me. The opposite of a Tardis.

It always seems to be detached houses that are 'deceptively spacious' in this way - the opposite of those terraces that look like two-up, two-down from the outside but turn out to have three reception rooms, six bedrooms and a basement gym.

The weirdest one I always find is "hasn't been on the market in 60 years". Unless it's a particularly unique property like a castle or something that fact is not gonna make me want it more and just makes me think the decor is gonna need a massive overhaul. And a nightmare seller who is super attached to it and doesn't know what they're doing.

@BruceAndNosh Roy Brooks was the EA with the funny listings. The firm is still going and published a collection of his stuff called Brothel in Pimlico. There’s a couple of them here

www.roybrooks.co.uk/blog/the-history-of-the-uks-most-famous-estate-agent-roy-brooks

I have a few ‘favourites’ -

sort after
shower cubical
flower boarders

Not to mention failing to give info about absolute basics, e.g. length of lease, and not only seeming taken aback that you asked, but also not having a clue.

Last time I used an estate agent I discounted any whose online blurbs were littered with mistakes. IMO it indicates a sloppy attitude.

The trouble with U.K. estate agents is that virtually no qualifications are needed. In the US, where a DSis has lived for a long time, they need to be qualified and the blurbs are presented much more professionally.
The downside is that typical charges are way higher - from what I’ve heard, 5-6%.

'Tastefully modernised' = every bedroom is now 6 foot by 8 foot because they put in an en suite so you can crap beside your bed.

'Deceptively spacious' = they went into the loft space so it'll be muggy as fuck in June.

'Lovingly renovated by the family over a period of years' = the extension has no planning permission.

(ridiculously-smug-for-someone-who-says-dumb-things) That's the definition of a politician, isn't it?

With my last house, I took a red pen to their copy and wrote my own.

They probably thought I was an arse but I couldn't let such appalling writing stay on my listing. They missed out some crucial things too.

@Americam

“Sort after location” is one I saw recently.

I think getting that one wrong is the law in Australia. It drove me nuts when I was house hunting. I’m only half joking when I say that I bought my place because the agent was literate.

@Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g Thank you, now I have a term for that turn of phrase "weird indeed it is". I keep seeing it everywhere now.

Just spotted "It is hard to find a home that has X, Y,Z ^let alone one that has all the fore mentioned. You mean "all of these"?

And "displays classic lines of character and has been contoured for the prestigious and notable lifestyle desired by many ". Contoured? they aren't referring to the garden.

@SarahAndQuack Why is the UK obsessed with having a toilet 3 feet from your pillow? Some floorplans are positively bizarre - no storage space anywhere but hey, there's a loo and shower in the old cupboard!

And "have extended into the loft for extra space" = if over 5ft 4 you can only stand up straight in one specific spot. Mind your head.

@GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER That lease thing happened to me more than once - EA looking startles and saying he''d need to get back to me. I rather like flower boarders - so long as they pay for their keep.

It is practically the law round here, @Gerwurtztraminer. I looked at a perfectly nice house that was on for about 50k more than it was worth, because the owners had put an en suite in every single one of the four bedrooms. Why?

I saw one recently where the estate agent had described the house as having 'period decor in need of some modernisation'. It was (obviously brand new) Morris wallpaper, beautifully done. I hope the owners got them to change the listing!

@SarahAndQuack 'In need of modernisation' seems to be code for 'owners haven't painted it a dull greige/brilliant white or put a sparkly chandelier in the light fitting'.

I hate unnecessary en suites. My friends have a new build with en suite glass sliding doors that go opaque when the door shuts & the light comes on - some sort of electricity magic. Terrible sound & smell insulation (ick) and you can see the shadow effect as someone sits on the loo/stands to have a pee. Makes me queasy at the thought.

Another thing that bugs me is the EA's drive everywhere and so never know how long it takes to walk anywhere. In London I'd see adverts with 'short walk to the tube station'. Not it's not, its at least 20 mins through a dodgy estate with narrow alleyways where no one can hear you scream.

Another pet cringe of mine is ‘comprises of’ , especially when coupled with ‘accommodation’ spelt with only one M - but then I’m a fully paid up grumpy old pedant.

A non-SPAG one that really surprised me lately, was when someone local who was actually an EA elsewhere and used a local one to advertise his own property, didn’t rewrite a blurb that was full of the standard old cliches - ‘close to shops, bars and restaurants’ etc., but failed to mention that it was also a very few minutes’ walk from an entrance to a 2000 acre Royal Park!

I was 😲.

It took forever to sell, but that was largely down to wildly ‘optimistic’ pricing.

How would you describe it then? Also, can anyone explain how advertising houses that have gardens and bathrooms is silly? Those are normal things to have within a house. This has to be one of those real estate meme or something because it is ridiculous.