Anyone else forgotten what hard work entertaining is?

[ConcernedAuntie]

Was talking to a friend on Friday afternoon and said to her “come round and watch the football at ours, I’ll do some food”. I don’t like football but I thought it would be great for DH to watch it with other interested people.

Had a quick think about what to cook and DH said he would go and get everything on my list – great as I was out Friday evening. Bearing in mind it would only be 4 of us, the bill came to nearly £80!

Saturday morning, got up and made two desserts. Decided that as I had done the housework on Thursday morning I had better have a quick whizz round with the duster and cleaned the loos, sinks. DH hoovered through again. Decided to get the table set and discovered a stain on my only large tablecloth so that had to be washed, dried and ironed. As it is probably 2 years since I used it, it was probably put away by my late, much missed MIL whose eyesight wasn’t that good. Getting the ‘best’ plates and dishes out I thought they looked a bit dusty as also not used for 2 year so they needed washing, ditto the ‘best’ glasses.

Prepared all the ingredients for the made from scratch curry and went for a shower and washed my hair.

Had set everything up to eat outside and about 4.00 it looked like it might rain and the forecast didn’t look great so we moved everything into the conservatory.

Started to prepare the curry and under-estimated the time it would take to prepare prior to putting in the oven for an hour so had only just cleared the kitchen when friends arrived. Left the rice simmering and poured the drinks. Lovely. Went back into the kitchen and the rice had boiled over all over the hob so needed to clean that before it dried on too hard.

Served up the food, was really pleased with the curry as I had not made that one before, and we had a lovely evening so all worth it.

Is it just me or does it take anyone else a whole day to cater for one meal for four people?

I’m with you op. Our house is always “guest ready” but we host often and usually it’s a min of six of us, often eight, ten or twelve, and the drinks, nibbles, main meal, cheese board, breakfast, etc all take some planning, and then the clean up after. To be fair I love it, but it’s effort, no two ways about it.

Totally with you OP

I’m so out of practice and it all seems like such hard work.

Similarly, we are going abroad on holiday in a week. Jesus, I’d forgotten all the shit you have to do...add in PCR tests and all that bollocks and it’s exhausting

I had friends round this weekend - they came up around 4pm, stayed over, and left for home and their DC at around 11am. My partner adores cooking, so she took charge and I was the sous chef. We did quite a bit of preparing and pottering around, not making things gleam, but little jobs that needed doing anyway like the weeding out front and a touch-up paint job on the wall next to the bathroom.

It was a big thing to do, and we both felt the pressure/anxiety to pull it off, but it was worth it. We chatted and ate and drank until 1.30pm, which felt incredibly extravagant. The DC were well behaved, the conversation was fun and interesting, and it felt like real life had returned. Lovely.

I quite enjoy hosting, but don't always cook everything. PILs and SIL were round the other day. I made a cheese and onion pie the evening before, and a chocolate pudding on the day, but then sent DH to M&S for fresh bread, prepared salads and cold cuts. I don't have good china, but there's always a clean tablecloth on. If you're a tablecloth person get a few - mine are all dead cheap from IKEA or H&M home.

@Gladioli23 oh wow you make homemade cheesecake and eclairs! Wish I was in your friendship group.

OP I agree, entertaining is hard work, I have a lot of guilt that we rarely invite people to our house but with me and DH working very busy stressful full time jobs (he's a teacher and spends all Sunday marking), we just find it too much to do all the cleaning and fancy cooking. It's a shame, especially as I think our friends have noticed and we don't get as many invites as we used to!

Yes, it's really hard work. I used to have ExH family descend on us for 4 days at a time. They would always come at the same time - all 8 of them. With us 4, that made 12 people. They wouldn't lift a finger, so I'd be doing breakfast, lunch and dinner for 12 people, for 4 days, plus all the clearing up. When they left, it would take hours to wash all the bedding and towels. I hated it. Liked their company, but the sheer hard work of it was dreadful. My ExH wouldn't be much help, and the one time I moaned about the work, he gave me a slow hand clap. Bastard! Am now married to someone with a much smaller family who are local, so overnight or long visits aren't a thing. Bliss!

I feel like your doing a lot more than you need to. Make a simple cheap dish (curry costs me very little to make) buy a desert or suggest someone brings one. I could entertain 4 people for a curry night for a tenner.

I’m someone who usually absolutely adores hosting and the general prepping it involves. However, after having people over yesterday I have to agree with you. I definitely felt out of practice.

The sheer amount of cleaning up at the end of the night was awful especially as our dishwasher is currently broken. We then had to take down the gazebo, bring in all of the outside cushions etc. Not what I wanted to be doing at midnight. Not to mention the £80 I spent on food and drinks.

@Horehound

For a dinner with 4 folk to watch footy I'd not have made two desserts tbh. Buy a second tablecloth. The rice thing...meh

You chose to make a curry from scratch. I'd have made chilli or lasagne and it would have cost half the price.

Chilli or lasagne would normally be my go to but friend's DH can't eat beef.

Mary Berry's Cook Now, Eat Later is your friend. I do all of the cooking the evening before.

My parents were part of a dinner party club (!) back in the 80's. their favourite hosts made the least effort regarding food (in fact they ate the same thing there every time they went) but they were so lovely and so obviously enjoyed having people round nobody cared.

I try to remember them when I'm fretting about people coming over - it's all about the welcome really.

Our dining room has become a bit of a dumping ground and was my home office for a while- definitely need to clear up which is worse than the cooking

Hopefully nice weather so sitting outdoors

I'd prefer entertaining if I didn't have kids! It's quite hellish trying to get the house visitor ready with them under my feet. I'll clean the bathroom then continually have to check it before guests arrive in case they have forgotten to flush or not changed the loo roll or dropped the hand towel on the floor

You forgot to mention how long it took to warm the nuts up

You've done well doing this.

The thing I would look forward to is the sound of my DD's friends laughing and joking in the place, and the lovely memories they leave behind.

Bonus of entertaining is that when they've gone, the place is 'relatively' tidy - if you've done a proper clean - especially if you have a dishwasher.

Personally I would have gone for a slow cooked massive one pot stew. Or maybe two if there are vegetarians/vegans.

Namely that more or less the same vegetables can be prepped for both in the same kitchen machine and the meat added to the first one.

And nice bread with it.

If it really is too warm - then I would go for a greek style mezze platter. Or an italian platter (cold) with salamis and cheeses. These are lovely and cheap to put together from aldi or lidl.

In answer to your question, yes, I have forgotton and did forget how to do it. It was awful over various lockdowns people not coming by and then only the young ones popping in to go to the loo. It is the thing I missed most.

I also feel really out-of-practice hosting and would be rushing around too. We've only had people over for drinks and snacks on the patio since pre-pandemic so the idea of hosting a whole meal is daunting!

I have to force myself to invite people over soon and get back into it, as I do enjoy hosting really...starting with close friends who won't mind abit of chaos when I can't find things, etc.

you forgot 'staying polite for the length of the visit'

yanbu op
we will have visitors during the holidays and tbh I'm looking forward and dreading it in equal measures.

Nah, not two desserts. Two options in our house. A) Take it B) Leave it. I honestly can't remember last time I used a tablecloth. I get your point about it being expensive, if you treat it as special, it is. So I would get th good food and wine, and forget the rest another time. If you are up for another time

It’s even a faff being a guest. We went to a colleague’s barbecue and I felt duty bound to make a practice dessert in case I’d forgotten how to make it!

@whattodo2019

a totally agree. Had friends round on sat -

1. Brought new bright place mats
2. Lovely flowers for the table
3. Slow cooked lamb leg
4. Made pistachio meringues and sorbet
5. Made a polenta cake for afternoon tea, brought some fancy coffee beans and delicious earl grey
6. Cleaned house to to bottom
7. Jet washed the terrace

Went to bed at8pm exhausted

Yeah, but you didn't have to do any of those things.

Wow I'd love to come to your houses!

I'm in the make it easy for yourself camp, we are the home everyone comes too but that's maybe because we order in food, zero stress and relax and enjoy company.

The times we have catered I use cook, or simple recipes, shop bought desserts etc.

The house Its always cleaned, bathrooms nice, the house smells lovely and welcoming and everyone is fed and watered.

But that does sound like a tricky meal and lots of time spend preparing it.

Just here to say 2 things.

Yes it's hard work.

And you need to start using your best China as your everyday China if your everyday stuff is that knackered. You are worth it!! Enjoy!

It’s as much effort as you make. Lovely to make two home made desserts, but if you couldn’t be bothered you could have bought a ready made one. The rice boiling over was an annoyance but these things happen.

I really can’t face ‘entertaining’ anymore. I can’t even stand overnight visitors.

no, because
a, it's the 9 of us so catering for 4 adults would be less than what we always do
b, I don't entertain & we don't have guest who need entertaining.
we have family & friends who can make their own cuppa and don't insist on time tables and won't get phased by most things and nor are we.

DH's bestie often comes over after a bike ride so he just hops in the shower before sitting down to eat.
kids' friends can order their own food.
PILs always have a nap after lunch.

we are a play-it-by ear folks when it comes to people just being here, having a cuppa & a chat, watching a film or game, having a lunch or dinner.
no sweat

Honestly, OP, your preparations sound very over-elaborate — are you an anxious entertainer? We’re only newly living in a house and renovations means we can’t really unpack, the kitchen is primitive, and the only loos are upstairs, but we had eight people for brunch in the jungly garden today. Last-minute invitation last night as visiting friends got in touch, and we only used food we already had in the house (eggs, potatoes, avocados, tomatoes, coffee) as we’re trying to burn through store cupboard staples and things from the freezer before we have to move out temporarily again while rewiring is done. Guests brought pastries, juice, fresh bread and the makings of mimosas. We ate outside from the cups and plates we usually use, and put up the parasol when it drizzled briefly. DH did the cooking. DS cleaned the loo.