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Original poster

This year, I can't afford gifts for school staff.

83 replies

Serena1977 · 01/07/2021 12:10

I feel really bad. Previous years I have been really generous but due to furlough, covid etc I have to be more careful financially leading up to the summer holidays.

Ironically, this year my son's teacher who he's never had before has been superb and way beyond her duty so she really does deserve something compared to other years when they have been great but within the realms of normality. This time, this year's teacher has been exceptional.

I just feel guilty. I will email the head and get cards though.

Please reassure. We live in a fairly well off neighbourhood which is making me feel worse.

OP posts:
roguetomato · 01/07/2021 12:31

I don't understand why you need to feel guilty for not buying gifts. If you have read any of the comment from the past, majority says they like hand made cards from dcs best. Also some mentioned email to the head would be good too, both of which you are doing.
I always ask my dc if they want to get something for the teacher, and if they said yes, I would get what they choose, but most of the time they just made thank you cards.

Ragwort · 01/07/2021 12:32

Seriously this teacher present giving is ridiculous... a hand written card/letter is absolutely sufficient. Why do you allow yourself to feel 'guilty' because you can't spend £30+ on number of teachers? Hmm.

My DS has long since left school and I vowed to avoid these threads but year after year I see the same comments.

I really wish Teachers/Heads would implement a 'no gifts rule' (most other professionals have to declare gifts for tax reasons or decline them).

I volunteer at a Food Bank and one of the saddest situations was when one of our clients was so guilt tripped into buying an end of term teachers gift that she spent £25 on a bouquet... yet still needed support from the Food Bank every week Sad.

BarbaraofSeville · 01/07/2021 12:34

I know, it has spiralled over the years as some made it a bit competitive bringing in massive gift bags on the last day

Trying to keep up with shit like that is insane whether or not you can afford it.

What's more meaningful, a £100 gift basket from someone with a large disposable income, or a simple card with a personal message expressing thanks?

There's already several teachers on this thread saying it's the thank you messages that mean far more to them than actual gifts.

Twistered · 01/07/2021 12:35

@SuperMonkeys

Our school has already emailed as they did last year, requesting no gifts etc.

I don't think I've ever sent in one anyway 🤷

I think all schools should do this. Teacher gifting has got out of hand and is just not necessary.
mn2022 · 01/07/2021 12:35

Teacher here.

Honestly, 24 hours later I don't even remember who has gifted me things.

A heartfelt email means so much more

grafittiartist · 01/07/2021 12:39

Please don't worry about gifts- they are not expected at all. A nice email would be really well received.

Comedycook · 01/07/2021 12:40

I buy a gift every year but don't spend more than a fiver...usually get a box of chocs or biscuits. I think a card with a message of appreciation is fine though

Howshouldibehave · 01/07/2021 12:41

As a teacher, the nicest ‘gifts’ I ever got were handwritten letters (not a thank you card-these were on proper old fashioned lovely writing paper!) thanking me for specific things that had happened that year.

I still have them nearly 25 years later-they were so personal and heart-felt.

Comedycook · 01/07/2021 12:43

Places like lidl/Aldi often have plants or a small bunch of daffodils for about £1...but honestly, if you're really skint, it doesn't matter!

Rainbowqueeen · 01/07/2021 12:45

The value of a heartfelt note describing the difference you’ve made to a child’s life that you can reread after a bad day when you wonder why you are a teacher is priceless.

Foxyloxy1plus1 · 01/07/2021 12:45

If she’s anything like me, the teacher will be so pleased to receive a handwritten card of thanks from your child and if you send an appreciative email to the head, that will be helpful for her performance management.

it’s lovely to receive a gift. Equally lovely to receive the gift of heartfelt thanks. You say she has been exceptional. Tell her this. Honestly, the ones you really remember are the ones who take the time and trouble to thank you, or say something lovely to you.

I remember a lad who said he would never forget me and others who have said that they really enjoyed my lessons. That’s what is important.

FlibbertyGiblets · 01/07/2021 12:52

@Smartiepants79

I’m a teacher and I agree. Gifts are nice but a proper message of thanks in a card will be even more special. £2 on some celebrations to go with it would be more than enough as a gesture if you want to.
You're a teacher saying Oh Yes do buy chocs as well, "if you want" even though OP says not they have not even a fiver spare. What is WRONG with you? Encouraging someone to spend money unnecessarily? Have a heart.
Hallyup6 · 01/07/2021 12:53

I find it very sad that you feel under pressure to buy things for teachers. They'll appreciate a handmade card more than anything you could buy. I certainly wouldn't be emailing the headteacher to explain.

Staffy1 · 01/07/2021 12:54

@BabbleBee

I’m buying my daughter’s keyworker a wildflower bee bomb and will give her a handwritten note telling her how much we appreciate all she has done and recognise that she goes above and beyond.
What a great idea. I’ve already bought stuff for this year, but will pinch your idea for next time.
Findmeatthebeach · 01/07/2021 12:57

Please don't worry, a heartfelt card means so much more! The thank you cards and gifts at the end of the year are an added bonus - absolutely not expected!

HarebrightCedarmoon · 01/07/2021 12:57

A card would be more than fine, as others have said. Especially if you can get DS to draw something and/or write a personal message.

LetItGoToRuin · 01/07/2021 12:59

For the teachers that I have really felt have done a great job with my child, I have written to them in a fairly formal way (typed/emailed rather than a handwritten note), and copied it to the headteacher. It has been personal and emotional where appropriate, but also quite specific about things they have done, and the difference their actions/approach has made. I hope that these letters can contribute to their PDR process in some way.

In both cases, the teacher has gone out of their way to thank me.

I think a well-constructed and detailed written appreciation will have a bigger impact than an extravagant present or even a pretty card. You never know whether it might be the thing that tips the balance in favour of a promotion for that teacher, or the adoption of a new approach that that teacher has championed.

Ch3rish · 01/07/2021 13:02

[quote Serena1977]@BarefootHippieChick
I usually buy for ds teacher and ds teaching assistant (he has additional needs) and dd teacher.

Usually spent around £30 each. Before I've bought alcohol, chocs, costs vouchers etc

Even a fiver is pushing it this year. Bloody covid. The effects of it is much more broader than just actually having the virus.😫[/quote]
£30?? Each???

I don't think I've spend that in total in all my school years and I've never given is a second's thought. I don't think I've ever read a post by a teacher saying that they expect gifts or would want a parent to worry about not being able to afford them.

That's crazy, a thank you note is free

MegaClutterSlut · 01/07/2021 13:29

For dds teacher presents I would get dd to draw a picture of her teacher with 'Thank you' at the top and a list of reasons what she loved about said teacher then framed it

Original poster
Serena1977 · 01/07/2021 13:33

@FlibbertyGiblets

Thank you. I am stony broke and feel that other parents will judge and now I do wonder because of what that teacher said, that my children's teachers will also judge, those that don't give presents compared to the parents that do give presents.

OP posts:
Sylvan92 · 01/07/2021 13:35

I work in a school and honestly I feel embarrassed when people give me things. I do my job because I love children. A card with a note saying how much you appreciate her work is far more valuable than any gift.

Sylvan92 · 01/07/2021 13:35

@MegaClutterSlut

For dds teacher presents I would get dd to draw a picture of her teacher with 'Thank you' at the top and a list of reasons what she loved about said teacher then framed it
Love this!
grannycake · 01/07/2021 13:46

I'm a teacher (just about to retire) I have kept all the notes and cards from students - they mean so much more than gifts. Notes from parents are particularly treasured

sunnysidegold · 01/07/2021 13:51

Teacher here, I just want to echo what others have said - it's the letters of thanks and the handmade cards that get kept. I keep these for moments when I feel like I have had an awful day and should give it all up. I have a lovely email that my head shared with me - just outlining specific things I had done to help their child and how much it meant to them. Was so nice they sent it to the head as well Grin.

Itwasgoodwhileitlasted · 01/07/2021 13:55

This was me a few years ago. Couldn't even afford a card. No one batted an eyelid.

Please don't worry