Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

I've done something silly re new job ...

32 replies

HoollyWugger · 01/07/2021 08:01

And all my adult common sense and vocabulary has gone out of the window on how to approach it.

I've accepted a job, but I'm going to struggle to fulfil the hours due to my SEN child. Not by much, but still ....

I feel awful (I struggle with anxiety, people pleasing and catatrophising!) about not bringing it up either in the interview (I thought I would address it when I got the yes/no phone call) and then bottled it when they rang me to offer the job.

Can someone give me a clear sentence or two on how to approach this with them? Phone call or email?

(And no, I wouldn't hire me either on this performance!)

OP posts:
autumnboys · 01/07/2021 08:05

Ring them back. Tell them that you had made arrangements for childcare which, now you come to activate them, you have been let down on. Outline what you can do.

Is it a case of will never be able to, or more that you could eventually?

Good luck! I know that years of SEN parenting can be quite hard on confidence. You can do this! Flowers

Hfjshdhs · 01/07/2021 08:09

I’m sure it will be fine. I had a similar situation for a very senior new job, I wrote a post on here about asking for some flex due to childcare and got ripped apart by the mumsnet posters. Then I asked the employer and they were totally fine and accommodating.

Good luck!

Heyha · 01/07/2021 08:11

I agree, go for the childcare plans have fallen through a bit approach, here's what I can definitely do, is there any scope to flex/cut the hours that I haven't got cover for any more?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Jobs
SD1978 · 01/07/2021 08:14

How many hours are you no longer able to fulfill? Did you explicitly state at the interview that you could? Are there any other options, childminders that you could use? Although you knowingly didn't disclose your childcare issues, telling a small lie regarding the child care being the issue is probably the best plan, but you should probably stop putting that off.

Original poster
HoollyWugger · 01/07/2021 09:22

Thank you all for being so lovely - I knew the potential for getting ripped apart was huge!

Can't use a childminder - he's secondary but SEMH, so it's the taxi pick up timings that are screwing things up. I'm not sure at what point I can leave him to get in the taxi on his own.

I need to approach this with a proposed solution - so offering the hours I can definitely do is the first step. They really sounded like they wanted me, so can only hope that lasts!

Thanks
OP posts:
Heyha · 01/07/2021 11:09

Ah that out another slant on it then, is his taxi route (and therefore timings) likely to change in September with new intake/leavers? Might be worth enquiring with the travel provider although probably a bit early to have routes worked out.

That's even better than 'my childcare fell through' and is also the truth so I'd talk to them about it- flexible start time til the taxi route in September becomes clear? What does he do when he gets home for supervision or what have you? I totally get that morning taxi is peak stress though!

Original poster
HoollyWugger · 01/07/2021 11:45

@Heyha

Ah that out another slant on it then, is his taxi route (and therefore timings) likely to change in September with new intake/leavers? Might be worth enquiring with the travel provider although probably a bit early to have routes worked out.

That's even better than 'my childcare fell through' and is also the truth so I'd talk to them about it- flexible start time til the taxi route in September becomes clear? What does he do when he gets home for supervision or what have you? I totally get that morning taxi is peak stress though!

At the moment I've got a family member WFH but that will change in September ... I think I'll go with offering reduced hours under the guise of taxi arrangements and offer to re-evaluate after a certain number of weeks.

It would be 31 instead of 37 so not a huge difference.

OP posts:
Howshouldibehave · 01/07/2021 11:47

What start/finish times do they want you to do and what can you actually do? Have you accepted already?

I would ring them asap

Original poster
HoollyWugger · 01/07/2021 13:13

@Howshouldibehave

What start/finish times do they want you to do and what can you actually do? Have you accepted already?

I would ring them asap

8-4 M-Th.
8-3.30 F

I'm suggesting Mon and Fri as above and 9-3 T/W/Th.

OP posts:
starfishmummy · 01/07/2021 13:31

Can you hire a carer for an hour in the mornings, to be with him until the transport arrives? Is it even permissable under the terms and conditions? Leaving him alone could be problematic - could he cope if the transport doesnt turn up, is he likely to refjse to go? Otoh if you will leave him in the holidays then he may be OK.

Or you say there is someone currently wfh but wont be - but do their work hours mean they can be there?

And as a pp said will timings change in september? I know they do here and the start of the year is usually a mess as they sometimes spend a few weeks moving kids around .

Heyha · 01/07/2021 14:24

Is there anything within the role that could be done WFH in the evening for those few hours, admin or prep or something? That might sweeten the conversation further, makes your life even more hectic but if the hours are deal-breaker for the employer it might help to have that up your sleeve too if you've had a think about it in advance?

LIZS · 01/07/2021 14:33

Why can you do the hours on Monday and Friday but not others? Tbh 6 hours is quite significant, can you wfh at all?

Kinsters · 01/07/2021 14:39

Oo yeah, that's quite a difference one hour each end of the day. I'd say there's no harm in asking them though, the worst they can say is no. Is your job something you can do quite independently or are you working as part of a team? Much easier to do flexi hours if the former. I remember at a previous job where we worked as a very close team one of the managers had to leave 30 minutes early every day and it did make things difficult tbh.

sempiternal · 01/07/2021 14:40

I have a child with additional needs so I know how difficult this can be!

Slightly different I know but when my DS was due to start secondary school my boss proposed a change in my working hours, according to the needs of the business, assuming that he would then be able to be left alone (for an hour in the morning and 3 hours in the afternoon!) Luckily I managed to negotiate something more suitable.

Many employers will be reasonable and flexible where they can, I think you're right to explain the situation and go from there.

squiddylama · 01/07/2021 14:46

That's quite a significant difference of 6 hours (nearly a full day) I think you have to be prepared that you'll be told no...

Howshouldibehave · 01/07/2021 14:47

Have you rung them? What did they say?

Santastealer · 01/07/2021 14:49

Can your son travel to work with you and get the taxi from there?

Or can you drop him off at school any earlier than his taxi would usually arrive?

Original poster
HoollyWugger · 01/07/2021 15:22

Thanks for all the suggestions - I can do Mon and Fri because there will be someone wfh those two days. None of the other suggestions would work unfortunately - special school too far away to drop him off myself; timings still wouldn't work if the taxi picked him
up from my new work place. The job could definitely be adapted to the hours I'm asking for, especially post-pandemic. I can't believe I'm going to have to compromise on work until the end of school days!!

Anyway, I've emailed, outlined the situation, presented two alternatives options and said I'll wait for their reply.

🤞

OP posts:
KlippertyKlop · 01/07/2021 15:35

Good luck OP.

Mayhemmumma · 01/07/2021 15:48

All you can do. They should hopefully be compassionate to your needs and request - personally I think it's better to ask like you have, after being offered the job.

The very recent case re a mum's unfair dismissal because she was unable to work weekends due to childcare needs of her sen children will hopefully be fresh in their minds!

Heyha · 01/07/2021 16:22

That's good OP, you can't do any more than that! I remember the vagaries of taxi transport from my days of working in a special school so you have my sympathies!

Original poster
HoollyWugger · 02/07/2021 12:18

Well, they've come back with a revised offer but it still won't work because of timings.

So utterly bloody frustrated. I feel so trapped. Can't even put it into adequate words.

OP posts:
Pissoff2020 · 02/07/2021 12:25

Would it be worth hiring a carer etc just for those few hours that clash? I’m not sure about costs etc but if it’s possible it might be worth considering.

PineappleWilson · 02/07/2021 12:35

What have they offered as their revision? Could you give the school a call and see if they can suggest anything?

PineappleWilson · 02/07/2021 12:37

Focus on resolving one end of the day, so either the 8am or the 3.30 / 4pm finish. With those timings, are you opening up the office / service at 8am. What are the taxi times you're juggling with?