At wit's end with my son's fussy eating

[peepopeepopeepo]

Hoping someone has some advice/reassurance. My 5.5 year old is really fussy and it is seriously getting me down. I am a good cook and love food, he gets home cooked meals every day and 9 times out of 10 he won't eat them.

Under previous advice I recieved I keep putting things I know he won't eat on his plate (the wisdom seems to be you have to keep offering things and eventually they will try them), I don't make any fuss about him either eating or not eating, I don't do the rewards thing as I was advised not to, I don't offer alternatives. Again previous advice I received was to make sure his plate always has one thing I know he will definitely eat on it.

I've been doing these things for what seems like forever now and it doesn't seem to be making the blindest bit of difference. He's never been a big eater - even as a tiny baby he wasn't that fussed about milk. He's on the small side for weight for his age (though still following his line on the chart) and he takes a multivitamin but I just worry about lack of nutrients and his general complete refusal to even try new foods, even stuff I am 99% sure he would like. I involve him in cooking all the time which he enjoys but even if he's helped to cook it he still won't eat it.

He will eat:

Bread of any description - brown/white etc (but nothing with seeds)
Rice, pasta, and potatoes of any description unless they have any herbs on them. Will not touch sweet potato or butternut squash. With pasta he will only really eat fusilli or penne, he gets very suspicious of small shapes like macaroni.
for pasta sauces he'll have cheese sauce and tomato sauce (I do home made and usually try to put veg in that) on pasta but it has to be smooth, any lumps at all and he won't eat it
Cheese - cheddar only, he won't entertain trying any other cheese like feta or halloumi or even a babybel or a cheesestring
Fruit - he will eat pear, apple, mango, melon, strawberries, blueberries and nectarines
Vegetables - the major sticking point. The only one he willingly and regularly eats is cucumber. He will grudgingly eat red pepper, carrot and broccoli but only very small amounts. Apart from that - nothing.
Meat - chicken, occasionally a home made meatball, ham, sausage (we don't have the latter two much as I don't like to give him processed meat).
He'll eat yoghurt but only the petit filous sort, not plain greek or anything like that.
Crisps/chocolate/cake/sweets and so on - needless to say these aren't every day things but he's even fussy about these unlike most children - will only eat pom bears or tortilla chips for crisps, and only plain milk chocolate - like he wouldn't eat a cake with chocolate chips in it, it would have to be plain sponge. He has never tried a sweet (he's been offered one).

I've been repeatedly told he'll grow out of it but he's been like this since I weaned him and if anything he has got worse, not better.

Any advice I haven't tried?!?!

I was once interviewed by someone making a documentary on non eating children ( mainly those who had something called Silver Russell syndrome, where there is a missing link so they never feel hungry) but was told he was not severe enough to be featured!

Another one who would love my child to eat that much variety! DD will not eat any form of sauce, and the only fruit/veg she eats are bananas, strawberries and broccoli. I used to be very stressed about DD's eating, but have now chosen not to be. I also cook her a different meal to the rest of us as I want to eat more interesting food.

For those of you with really fussy eaters, which multivitamin do you use? I know there are chewy ones, but that's a texture DD can't handle....

Honestly that is not bad. My friends little boys diet was so limited, basically just meat and snacks.

As his taste buds evolve he might try other things.

DNR know how helpful this is but I used little bowls in the middle of the table.
They helped themselves.
Only rule was if it went on your plate then you ate it

That sounds like a huge variety and mainly pretty healthy, I wouldn't be too worried about him not eating Nutella! I was quite fussy at 5.5 and now there isn't a single food that I don't like. I would just keep offering a variety and relax.

@peepopeepopeepo

Ok maybe I do need to chill out! I just love food so much I feel bad for him missing out on all the delicious things he could be eating.

Forget about that. He doesn't share your interest. He eats more variety than my 9 year old Ds. Ds doesn't eat any fruit or any veg, doesn't even eat chips. He eats dry bran flakes and a slice of bread and butter for breakfast. He eats a wrap with white cheddar and salami for lunch. He'll eat plain pasta, rice, roast chicken, chicken goujons, steak, burger, sausages, pork chops, boiled egg - dinner is made up of something from that list - exciting!!! I've given up trying to get him to eat anything new. The drama just isn't worth it.

I think even accounting for doing all the right things when it comes to cooking and eating, some kids are just naturally more selective in what they eat. He may just be one of them.

I'm one of 3. I'd try almost anything growing up, my sister wouldn't eat any meat and my brother refused most vegetables. Same diet, same routines etc. Our tastes all changed and the pickiness relaxed as we grew up. My nephews on my husband's side are like this too- one will just sit and consume anything in front of him, the other is extremely limited.

@peepopeepopeepo

I make the biggest effort EVER not to tell him he's fussy. I make zero fuss about him not eating, none, even though I am inwardly pulling out my hair. I never say "just one more bite" or make him finish what's on his plate. I just find it so hard as a mother to present him with a beautiful plate of tasty and nutritious home cooked food and watch him eat four pieces of pasta . I feel like I've failed him.

I can tell you categorically that you have NOT failed him, @peepopeepopeepo - you are doing a great job, and your son has a good diet.

When ds1 was going through the terrible twos, and was in the midst of another awful tantrum, I rang Dh in tears because I couldn’t cope any more. While I was on the phone, the screaming stopped, so I went to investigate, and found ds1 by the kitchen bib, eating the left over Doritos that Dh and I had thrown away the night before.

But that isn’t the worst part - I knew that, if I took him away from his delicious bin snack, the tantrum would start again, so I let him carry on until he got bored and wandered off - then I found a safe place for the bin. He was completely fine - didn’t turn a hair - and grew up to be a fit and healthy adult - which makes this a funny story that I can trot out on here, when people are feeling bad about their parenting.

I think that's actually quite varied for a young child ... diet sounds fine.

You're comparing him to an adult & kids are funny.

Fussy... ooops

Sounds perfectly normal to me. Keep going with the homemade pasta sauce with loads of added veg, I used to make gallons of it! He will grow out of it.