7 yr old DS is morbidly obese, what to do?

[Aplone]

Mums and other carers of formerly obese kids, how did you get them to a healthy size??

A few days ago I put DS's height / weight measurements into the NHS child BMI calculator and it says he's on the 98th percentile and morbidly obese. Am ashamed and really upset. Feel incredibly guilty. I thought maybe he had some "puppy fat" but never thought he was that large. How the fuck do I get his weight down??? I don't (obviously) want to shame him or tell him he's on a diet but have made a few swaps / changes. Would really appreciate ideas. Have instigated a fruit and veg chart to get him to eat 5 a day. He has a tendancy to sneak foods so had already hidden chocolates, biscuits, etc. He always has tea at 5pm, then has a supper which always includes a glass of milk at bedtime which I have switched to skimmed (these timings are pretty non-negotiable, he is being tested for ASD and routines are v important to him). He always has breakfast which is a brioche bun or two.

His dad and I have split up and it is very acrimonious; I can't discuss this with him as he will blame me, report me to the social etc. I know that when he's at his dad's (which is 50% of the time) he does eat a lot of junk food and sweets / candy. Not trying to point fingers this is just for context for anyone reading.

For further context, he doesn't drink fizzy drinks and isn't that keen on juice, has mostly water to drink so can't do a switch here. He plays sport twice a week but cub scouts which is mostly running around so he is active.

Do I need to get a dietician involved? Will he grow out of it? More water? More exercise? I was a skinny child and I feel out of my depth. He has had one child tell him he's fat and I don't want him to be bullied.

Please be nice to me if you reply... I feel fucking terrible thank you in advance xx

@trockodile

To the people saying that they don’t understand how a 7 year old can eat that much, or that its as simple as cooking particular foods- it doesn’t really help. You may as well say that you don’t understand alcoholism or drug addiction-just saying i don’t need to do this, or i used to do it and i managed to kick the habit does not mean that everyone can be the same. Biology, socio economic factors, emotional well being etc are all contributing factors. I’m not saying it can’t be changed, or that there isn’t an element of personal choice and accountability in our lifestyle/health needs, but its considerably more complicated than that.

But it is though,

A 7 year old isn't popping down to Tesco with his bag for life stocking up on brioche, his parents are

@Aplone

So far he has been ok with the changes. I am not sure he has noticed them with the milk. I think your point about interception in autism rings true in that there is never any saitiety. He will have dinner then say he needs pudding and then wants seconds of pudding (which is always no - 1 rule I have always had, randomly!). He doesnt ever know if he is full or not, I think.

Has he had full psed review check fir certain syndromes which mean he doesn't feel full?

And switch brioche and pain au chocolate for wholemeal toast ...brioche or pain ai chocolate once per week

It's referred to here as the all white diet, not uncommon for Autistic children and adults to eat this way. Part of the food preferences can be sensory, issues with texture or things being to hot or cold, sensation of chewing. I don't eat a white/Biege diet but I do have a lot of sensory issues around food. They get worse when I'm stressed or exhausted or run down and it can take a lot of hard work to force myself to start eating more textures when I'm less sick. Currently in a bad phase and many foods I normally love trigger a retching reaction of I try to eat them. Could be sensory. But there's also that needing routine and certainty which makes beige/white foods more comfortable to eat. Many foods, especially fresh fruit and vegetables can vary a lot from one time they're consumed to the next. Colour and taste and even texture can differ. Whereas a piece of white bread or a cookie or a processed chicken nugget will be the same experience every time. Or at least a lot closer. All DSs are Autistic. Our youngest and eldest have both gained some variety over time by having a divided plate in the middle of the table with different fruit and veg in each space, not touching, that they can chose to add or not. No pressure. Middle DS unfortunately has recently gone really backwards from monotonous but covering most categories to very reduced this year.

I'd start with small steps and pick a meal that will have less carry on effect. Not breakfast because of school and your job. Unless there's a swap he'd be ok with? Will he eat wholemeal bread? Wholemeal toast with peanut butter is a favourite here. I'd start with afternoon tea, so hopefully the dust settles before bedtime.

Creating a social story and following the process below might help. Some Autistic children find social stories and count downs and time to adjust before the change, can be helpful to reduce the uncertainty and ease transitions. Your social story could be about the whole family swapping to healthier afternoon tea so everyone can have more energy and get stronger, or whatever you think will reach him best. Be specific about what you'll all be having instead, set a date, use a social story and countdown to the date to help him navigate the change. You can get clip art pictures off Google images and make a social story.

The SEN board might be a good place to post for help, as it sounds like he might be Autistic or have sensory issues or both.

You seem very passionate about wanting to help your son I think that's the first step. (I wish my parents had done the same)

It looks like he's having a lot of processed foods from biscuits, sausages, brioche, pizza etc I would try home cooked foods so you know what is actually in them.

Keep a food diary and seek help from gp to get a referral for a nutritionist/dietican

[quote Fiddliestofsticks]@trockodile

But this is a 7 year old child. How in the hell does a 7 year old get two brioche with chocolate chips for breakfast? They didnt suddenly wake up at 5 or 6 years old and say "mummy, would you get me a chocolate chip brioche" because they wouldnt know it existed! The only way a child discovers that for breakfast is if they parents buy it and give it to them. That should never have happened in the first place.
It's a lot easier to feed kids well than people make out. You dont introduce them to the shit food at this age and then they dont know about it. And mum would never have even thought to give him eggs for breakfast!?! Really?[/quote]
I have been politely ignoring your posts in the hope that you would stop writing them, they are getting more and more aggressive... Please stop, you are not helping, you are even criticising me for which posts I have and haven't replied to. I am under no obligation to reply!

I'd see what he is having for school dinners, I stopped my ds having them when I found out he was having pizza every single day He had them one day a week instead. Mind you this was at secondary school, at primary school it's likely they don't have a choice.

So many good suggestions already. Could you try soups? They are not hard to make yourself. Put a stock cube, water, whatever vegetable you want him to have chopped roughly in bits into a pan, boil for half an hour until cooked, blitz to make smooth/fake creamy. If it needs to be thicker, add a slice of bread that has been quickly ran under the tap, and then the water squeezed out, to the blender (or earlier in the process, add a chopped up potato to the veg).

My mum would make us soups for lunch every single day, where it was a great way to fill us up and get our veg in. Being an adult now I do it a lot too, and hope to introduce any future kids to it as well.

Op I haven’t read the full thread but well done you for recognising the problem and wanting to change - ignore the entirely unhelpful blaming posts.

As a parent of a child with ASD who has at times had a very rigid diet, here are my thoughts. First of all, it often gets better with age, my DCs diet at 7 was far more rigid than it is now. So there is hope…

Meanwhile, small steps: try eggs for brekkie, mine will eat boiled or a mushroom omelette. But don’t just remove all the white carbs, try offering him a small omelette and then maybe half a brioche after. Lots of people who have no experience of autistic kids will say things like just don’t give them the unhealthy options, they’ll soon accept the healthy ones when they’re hungry. Mine would go days without food rather than eat something on their unacceptable list (they don’t literally have a list, it’s my mental list…) so it has to be a process of compromise to begin with at least.

Chopped up fruit is much more acceptable to mine than a whole fruit. Dried fruit snacks are pretty high in sugar, instead I offer a chopped apple or orange and a small handful of dried mango or similar. Frozen fruit instead of ice cream etc - I make lollies with puréed fruit and yoghurt, and freeze orange quarters, buy frozen strawberries and raspberries. There’s something about them coming from the freezer that makes them more of a treat.

Slowly reduce portion size over time. Smaller plates so it doesn’t look like he’s getting less. My DC is a grazer - if they’re eating often you have to make sure they’re not eating loads each time.

I second the soup option, mine loves lentil soup and veg soup. There’s a great recipe I think on the bbc good food site for a tomato soup that is a dead ringer for the Heinz one but with much less sugar.

Courage OP. It is so hard to give a child with sensory issues a healthy diet. PP is right, there are several good things in what he is already eating that you can leverage.

I think that PPs are right about needing a dietitian who understands working with children with SEN - not just anyone.

Until you could get an appointment, my suggestion would be not to reduce portion size as that will be obvious to him and may create anxiety around hunger. Instead, swap some things around and add food with more nutritional value.

For example, for one week give peanut butter or scrambled eggs (you can easily do scrambled eggs in a microwave if you have one and it saves time) on wholemeal toast for breakfast alongside one brioche (I’m assuming that the brioche is important to him). Then the next week, more toast and half a brioche, then in a couple of weeks maybe silly mummy forgot to buy enough brioches this week.

For the afternoon snack, wholemeal toast with fewer biscuits/yoghurt, plus any fresh fruit or veg sticks he will accept, then up the toast and fruit/veg and start retiring the biscuits and yoghurt.

You need never have a conversation with him about “healthy choices, which can be confusing and stressful, if you take this approach in a slow and steady way.

If he doesn’t eat the more nutritious options, then if the budget permits just keep putting them on the table in a non-confrontational way. The moment you start arguing with a kid about food, especially a kid with sensory issues, you lose.

If I were you because of this split of time you and your ex I would try to also educate my son as well around what is good food

It will be tricky to start but the good news is that if you start now he will likely literally grow out of it and have good habits going forward.

Start with changing two or three things - I would go for the frequency of snacks and breakfast

So you can control what he is eating in the am - as others have said eggs are excellent for brekkie and scrambled are super easy AND quick - I would go for two with some half/half bread (going full on brown immediately won't work with kids so I would meet him halfway on this. But just one slice is enough. I might also follow with some fresh fruit and plain yoghurt this will set him up for the day. Switch out the dried fruit snacks for fresh where you can - dried fruit is terrible for teeth and diet.

I would get this habit going for a few weeks and then work on changing one more thing - maybe getting him to help you decide.

When he goes to your ex see if he wants to take some fruit with him, see if you can teach him to make his own eggs - he is old enough. All this might help him have some control over what he is eating at his Dads

PS some days DD eats a tiny corner of a salted cracker for breakfast, and I cheer internally because it is better than nothing at all, so this is not coming from a place of judgement!

His diet is so bad that you will see changes with fast if you make them which will be motivating

Don’t buy any rubbish - you’re in charge
Agree with PP eggs for breakfast - cereal is usually junk
Get a juicer and make juices - nutritious filling and satisfies

You don’t need a daily pudding if you’re eating prior food - besides options such as natural yogurt and strawberries make a tasty option

I think a referral to a dietitian could be quite helpful, if you can get one OP. For one thing, your XP can hardly complain about dietary changes or refer you to SS if you do it, it would be through your DS's GP. If he won't at least attempt to comply with it, it will reflect badly on him.

Can you get your DS more involved with meal preparation? Some kids manage new foods better if they've had a hand in choosing & preparing them. Even if it's just arranging things differently on a plate, he can decide how things are cut or how many of something he wants.

Can you encourage him to try new foods? Even if he doesn't like them - nothing is a failure. Even if he can't put them in his mouth, just smelling them, put them on his lips or tongue, try a tiny bit if he's ready. Spitting it out is fine, it's better than refusing to try it, have a tissue or something handy, don't tell him off if he does spit it out. He may not like most of them initially, but he may discover a few new things that he does like. Reward all attempts to try anything new with lots of praise, even if he dislikes something. And, keep going back to things after a while. With anything he does like, give it to him frequently in case he "forgets" that he likes it. This is what we've done with DD over the last couple of years & she has slowly started to accept a few new foods. We never give more than 1 new food per day, & usually not more than 2 per week unless DD sees something & asks to try it.

My 7 yr old is too. It doesn't help he's the height of an 11 y old (with size 4 feet to match) . He doesn't look fat at all in clothing, but he's definitely wobbly underneath the clothing. He's 38kg - my 8 yr old is only 25kg.

I'm trying not to focus on it too much and hoping he will shoot up in height and not weight as he hits puberty. I do worry constantly about it thought and he is constantly hungry - I can't trust him at all whilst I'm working as he will steal food from the kitchen.

I would also suggest professional help. A dietician was the turning point with my son who has ASD. You get desperate, you give them what they will eat because it's not just a matter of give them a salad and they'll eat it if there's nothing else. They don't and the behavioural issues that then result are overwhelming. People who have never had to deal with a child with special needs just cannot appreciate how hellishly hard it can be. If your ex is not on board it's worse still. Sending and good wishes for making progress.

OP I think you are doing really well to have noticed and start making changes. A dietician could really help, especially with the ASD issues. I'd speak to the GP about getting a referral.

I understand it's painful for you as it's you who have caused it, but you at least have recognised the problem. That's great. I just wanted to add that I think seeing a dietician or therapist may be useful for your child as I found the fact that he was hiding biscuits and snacks to be very odd, especially at 7yrs. The best of thing is do not buy biscuits at all! Do not have any treats in the house! That way if he is particularly good you can say, let's walk to the park and get an ice cream. Other thing I picked up on is, and I say this gently and not accusingly, are u sure your son is actually taking part in football and cubs, I mean actually running round kicking ball constantly?? I say this as so many overweight kids in my son's sports are stationary 90 per cent of the time which is doing nothing for them. Why not try him at an athletics club or boxing club as the teachers there will not allow him to stand passively good luck.

As well as trying to change to lower calorie options, I’d try to increase his exercise. If he’s having school dinners can you switch to packed lunches that are much smaller? Walk whenever you can - maybe a daily walk if you can fit it in? Step counting might be a good idea. I tell my kids to have a drink of water if they’re hungry between meals - it fills you up and has no calories. Sugar free squash might help if he doesn’t like water. A sodastream machine hugely increased how much water mine drink! It’s really hard, and I sympathise.

@Aplone

Well you asked for help and then you ignore a lot of useful suggestions, not just from me but from a lot of posters.

I've asked several times, do you cook? Are you willing to cook for the kids' early dinner time? Or are you only able to provide ready made items?

If you're not willing to cook then giving out suggestions of vegetable soups or various softer, easy texture dishes isnt going to be helpful and is a waste of everyone's time. Vegetable soups are a great way to avoid the texture and sensory issues. You say he likes tomato soup so he is fine with the liquid version of things. But if you're not willing to cook them, then you need to say that. There will be lots of available oven ready foods which are better than fish fingers or nuggets, you could look into that.

At the moment, your answers are "but he really does like that". It just isnt good enough.

As I said, my son has a terrible temper and I was at a complete loss. Didnt know how to handle him at all. I went on a parenting course. I wasnt embarrassed or ashamed to ask for help because my son needed me to. You clearly struggle to plan, cook and provide the food options he needs to have a try, so seek help. Engage with posters suggesting recipe ideas, get a referral to a dietician, speak to them about the issue with your ex and they may be able to help by bringing him in for an appointment separately to you. But if you're just not willing to make big changes, to your attitude and well as to his food options, then what do you want from this thread?

Joining thread as I need help too. Both our kids would eat crabs all day long. Lockdown hasn't helped and this thread is actually supportive.

• carbs not crabs!

crabs would probably be quite a good source of lean protein tbf! 🦀

I would check his height against his weight here to check where he is exactly. Weight and height centiles should be roughly equal values. Bmi can be funny if you have a tall child.

www.rcpch.ac.uk/sites/default/files/Boys_2-18_years_growth_chart.pdf

I’d just like to add a couple of thoughts. I have a similar situation.

Given you say he doesn’t seem to know when he is full, if you suspect it is just habit/boredom then direct him towards snacks that are harder work to chew and less calorific, eg an apple.
Also look up low GI foods for food that keep you full for longer, to help with the meltdowns.

Fish fingers are not all crumb, the ones we get are 58% fish. Just bog standard birds eye. Grilled or oven cooked and they are a really healthy food.

While the advice to go all unprocessed and from scratch is optimal, it's not necessarily practical with sensory issues. There is room for compromise as different brands have different levels of processing and chosing brands with better wholefood content and less obscure processed ingredients helps. A food that goes completely untouched because of intolerable lumps has no nutritional benefit to that individual and is likely to end up with just a very hangry child in a lengthy meltdown. 50:50 bread or a smoother wholemeal bread are easier places to start than fully wholemeal.

Ideally start changes with breakfast to avoid starting the day with sugar spikes. Beans or eggs on toast are a good way to get protein in. Porridge. This may make it easier to adjust the rest of the day.
If this is too likely to trigger a meltdown, go more gently and start with later on. Mine also like the strong flavour of smoked fish.

Go for the snacks next. We have a light tea between school and activities and a main meal later. Our school dinners are reasonable but my two are ravenous and DS1 who has ASD is prone to being hangry. Soups, cheese & crackers, crudites with humous are all less sugary ways to fill up.

Fruit is obviously better in its natural state, but again from a sensory perspective is umpredictable. Dried fruit needs less volume compared to its whole alternative as it is much more energy dense from not being bulked with water. DS1 eats tinned fruit. In his case, it's better than the alternative of rejecting most fruit. We do better with melons and grapes than bananas or apples that bruise, strawberries or raspberries with seeds or the disapointment of shrivelled oranges.

Cut down or remove the presence of empty snacks such as biscuits in the house.

Getting it right or better 50% of the time is better than not at all.

More informal movement is a good thing too, not that it makes a massive difference to energy burn, but does distract from boredom or sensory eating. Pokemon Go is a popular way of motivating children out, especially if they get into the stats and battle moves of the pokemon.