7 yr old DS is morbidly obese, what to do?

[Aplone]

Mums and other carers of formerly obese kids, how did you get them to a healthy size??

A few days ago I put DS's height / weight measurements into the NHS child BMI calculator and it says he's on the 98th percentile and morbidly obese. Am ashamed and really upset. Feel incredibly guilty. I thought maybe he had some "puppy fat" but never thought he was that large. How the fuck do I get his weight down??? I don't (obviously) want to shame him or tell him he's on a diet but have made a few swaps / changes. Would really appreciate ideas. Have instigated a fruit and veg chart to get him to eat 5 a day. He has a tendancy to sneak foods so had already hidden chocolates, biscuits, etc. He always has tea at 5pm, then has a supper which always includes a glass of milk at bedtime which I have switched to skimmed (these timings are pretty non-negotiable, he is being tested for ASD and routines are v important to him). He always has breakfast which is a brioche bun or two.

His dad and I have split up and it is very acrimonious; I can't discuss this with him as he will blame me, report me to the social etc. I know that when he's at his dad's (which is 50% of the time) he does eat a lot of junk food and sweets / candy. Not trying to point fingers this is just for context for anyone reading.

For further context, he doesn't drink fizzy drinks and isn't that keen on juice, has mostly water to drink so can't do a switch here. He plays sport twice a week but cub scouts which is mostly running around so he is active.

Do I need to get a dietician involved? Will he grow out of it? More water? More exercise? I was a skinny child and I feel out of my depth. He has had one child tell him he's fat and I don't want him to be bullied.

Please be nice to me if you reply... I feel fucking terrible thank you in advance xx

Op you know very well that his diet is horrendous and that’s an absolutely ridiculous amount of food. I’m not judging, you’ve had a wake up call now and I’m sure you have enough common sense to see where you’re going wrong. Does he get much exercise outside of his clubs?

I want to help but I need to be blunt, that's a huge amount of food. I like things like brioche but it needs to be a treat, the biscuits in break need to be switched to fruit (surprised it's allowed at school). The yogurt after school should be plain with blueberries, strawberries etc and no biscuits. And supper needs to be 1 plain biscuit. Obviously change gradually cutting a bit by bit but brioche reduced to one per day then only a couple of times a week would help. For snack to replace introduce carrots, cucumber, humous etc.

Parenting skills kids is hard, my issue was lack of eating though.

Yes OP I was thinking soups, with a wholemeal roll.

Or a veggie curry, I have a great recipe with chick peas and sweet potatoes, really filling.

Try to make dinner something that is not so processed. TBH two sausages, two waffles and some veg is an adult portion.

Bit by bit will make a big difference but you need to realise it will take a good while.

If you can discuss this with his dad then what's your plan? Because he is there 50% of the time. If he keeps gaining weight, it is him you are failing.

The aim with overweight kids is not for them to lose weight, but to hold it steady until their height catches up.

It is almost impossible to work out a calorie goal for kids- you don’t know which growth phase they’re in at any point.

The diet you post is quite processed. Switch all the brioche and croissants for toast, porrige, eggs etc. More home made stuff like spag bol, chilli, baked potato instead of the oven stuff.

I wouldn’t worry about carbs, kids need them to grow. Just try as unprocessed and possible.

Allow the odd snack or treat, deprivation isn’t fun!

I would also focus on getting him moving more. Swimming? Skatepark? Cycling? Even activities like scouts or a music lesson will mean he isn’t sat at home eating. Try and get him doing something every day

Agree with the pp, for a 7 year old that far too much empty carbs and sugar. Also a lot of processed 'oven dinners' and school lunches which we all know aren't the healthiest.

I would drop the brioche/bread for breakfast and give him something with protein. Start him on packed lunches so you have more control over what he eats, again up the protein so cheese or egg or tuna in a sandwich, veg sticks and hummus if he will eat that, two pieces of fruit etc. stop buying biscuits or cafe treats all the time because that is part of the problem, he can't sneak them if they aren't in the house. Dinners I would suggest ditching the beige frozen meals and cooking similar items from scratch, home made pizza on wraps with healthier toppings and veg on the side, maybe batch cooking some stews or pasta sauces so it's a bit easier for you in the evenings. As for supper, does he really need this? Bread with jam before bed is an insulin dump right before he does zero activity for 10 hours, so going straight to fat storage.

Well done on recognising this and wanting to change your habits for your sons wellbeing, I know you mentioned possible ASD so I know it won't be easy but props to you for making a change x

If you can't tell his father that's fine, you know you're doing your best for him by recognising the issue and changing it. Cut out all white bread and brioche and swap with brown or granary or even 50/50 if needed.

Swap any biscuits or similar unhealthy snacks with fruit/veg- and look up what low cal veg is around so he's welcome to have more to fill him up a bit.

Try to go a long route to/from school if possible, if not try an extra walk in the evening and try to get out at weekends if possible.

And try your very best to hide the changes from him- say fruit and veg is tastier than brioche etc, don't use words like healthier/better for you because it can lead to him resenting those things. Allow him to still have a treat at the weekend but only one small thing. Mix sugary cereal with low sugar cereal if it works for you.

Do I get this right - he has both a tea meal and dinner? Can you have just dinner at an earlier time?

I think the key is to cut out/drastically reduce processed food, cheese and sugar, and focus mostly on protein and healthy carbs, i.e. wholewheat, vegetables and fruit.

Healthy protein rich foods include chicken, eggs, lentils/legumes. Eggs are great - very filling and only 70 calories each. Boiled eggs are known as protein bombs, for good reason.

It's important that the whole family eats the same meals, so that he doesn't feel left out or hard done by.

Also don't forget about sport and exercise!

Thank you for the comments I appreciated all of them. I will try egg for breakfast - I would never have thought of this. He really does like his brioches but he maybe swayed. It seems like these really need to go!

I will try more soups, he does like the Heinz Tomato's one but he wants loads of bread and butter to go with it.

Please if anyone has suggestions for protein that would be good, we follow a pescetarian diet.

I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes 10 yrs ago not saying this is the case but advised. No food from a package or processed in anyway. Oats eggs brown toast for breakfast. Soup brown bread fruit for lunch. Dinner chicken fish veg no pasta rice potatoes. Supper fruit and yogurt. Lost 25% body weight in 3 months. It never returned. I also only drink water. 2 litres per day. Processed food was my problem. My diabetes reversed .

How has he coped with the changes you have made so far? I am an autistic adult and find diet changes hard so I imagine it will be even harder for a child.

Something else to consider is interception (body sensation) in autism may be lacking. That means the normal hunger and satiety signals are not present therefor food needs to be more consciously controlled by actively limiting portion sizes.

OP, no judgment here. As others have said, just aim for him not to gain for a while and then he will even out.

My suggestion is to tot up the calories in what he has on a couple of days and I think you'll be shocked. He needs about 1500 calories per day at that age (if he's active). Two brioche with choc chips will be about 250 calories. A pain au chocolate is about 250. Toast and jam maybe 150. Milk about 100. So you see just right there how fast it adds up and that's without the two main meals.

Next, take him to the dentist if you don't already, as my worry would be that his teeth aren't likely to be good with all that sugar, dried fruit etc even if you are good about brushing.

You seem to follow beige oven food diet. He isnt eating anything that hasnt gone through a factory and been covered in breadcrumbs. What do you eat? Why cant he just have what you have?

He needs to be having fresh steamed fish, baked fish, blended veg soups, nuts and cheese for snack, one treat a day, no more white carbs or processed fruit snacks.

It doesnt matter if he likes the brioche. I dont even know how a child would start getting that for breakfast. They need to go. It isnt about "maybe he can be swayed". It's simply, "scrambled eggs this morning, here you go". You need to take this a bit note seriously than "maybe he can be swayed". It isnt a joke.

He doesnt need loads of bread and butter with soup either. One dinner roll or slice of bread is all he gets.

Are you willing to try cooking? Because I suggested soups, and usually people would ask for recipes but you mention tinned soup.

There's no point in people suggesting things if you wont cook. What are you able/willing to do?

Make a couple big pots of soup and freeze them into portions? Let him try lots of different types? Or are you looking for suggestions which involve tinned and frozen pre made food?

So far he has been ok with the changes. I am not sure he has noticed them with the milk. I think your point about interception in autism rings true in that there is never any saitiety. He will have dinner then say he needs pudding and then wants seconds of pudding (which is always no - 1 rule I have always had, randomly!). He doesnt ever know if he is full or not, I think.

There's lots you can change there OP. The breakfast should really be an occasional weekend breakfast imo. Can he have a healthier cereal? Porridge?
The school snack, I'd get rid of the biscuits. After school snack is pretty dreadful. If he's having dinner at 5, I'd offer fruit. If he likes banana and honey, will he eat Greek yogurt and honey? That might be a good breakfast alternative actually.

And I'd scrap the support altogether, there shouldn't be any need for it. As a comparison, my 2 boys (slightly younger) have had today
Porridge with chopped strawberries. Milk.
School snack - fruit
School dinner
After school - same dried fruit bear snack that you have.
Dinner - King prawn linguine with rocket and cherry tomatos. (Didnt eat the tomatoes. ) cucumber , pepper and carrot sticks
Greek yogurt, honey, nuts. 1 had a small gingerbread man as still hungry.

Our dinners vary a lot. They do have sausage chips and beans, or occasionally pizza (not often as I don't like it and they won't eat a whole one between them!) But I also offer a good variety, usually with something I know they like on the plate I had got into bad food habits out of ease, but have made changes which they did complain about but soon got used to .

After school snack (this is quite painful to write tbh ) - pain au chocolate or 3 biscuits - glass water - more dried fruit snacks or sometimes apple chopped up - yoghurt (2 x petit filous or similar type)

That is part of the problem. It's like another meal.

Also school dinner is a main meal so surely a sandwich or something like boiled egg & toast should be enough?

For breakfast would he eat crumpet & peanut butter? Cereal?

Dried fruit snacks cost loads.

Just stick to rich tea biscuits.

Also cut out the costa treats, dominoes etc.

I disagree about not speaking to him. He needs to know that he should eat less. He's going to hear worse from other kids as he gets older. Better to hear it from you.

What about a Fitbit? Get him doing his steps?

Instead of cutting these things out completely, which may be really difficult due to your DS's relience on routine, start making them a weekly treat. You're reframing the routine.

I was an extremely overweight child and I still have a horrible relationship with food that stems from my lovely mum's desire to show love through food. It's absolutely better to instil good habits now.
I understand how hard it is when they are with the other parent. Ex does takeaways etc so I absolutely won't. It may make me less fun, but rather that than DD being flipping miserable in later life . I'm playing the long game.
Here is DDs (7) diet with me. Its not MN standards but I think is realistic.

Breakfasts
Porridge
Cheerios
Toast with peanut butter
On a Sunday, DD gets a brioche along with blueberries.
Fruit - berries, apple etc. This is unlimited and she can help herself to anything in the fridge or bowl.

Lunch
Ham/chicken Wraps or sandwiches
Cucumber/carrot/pepper (these are new additions and it's taken a long time to get her to even try them)
Cheese
Fruit - unlimited
If at school, hot lunch, fruit and Yogurt

Dinners
Extremely limited.
Pasta pesto
Hotdogs
Plain spaghetti
Chicken in gravy
Baked potato
Veg-peas, carrots, brocoli
Rice, occasionally chips or potatoes but she's not a huge fan

Snacks/desserts
Small bag of haribo
Unlimited fruit
Ice lolly
Crisps
Toast

Supper
Fruit or toast.

Drinks
Water
Dilute juice

Some days are way more snacky than I'd like. Today was so hot and we had a playdate so we had ice cream and sweets but I try to limit sugary snacks to one per day. DD gets to choose when they happen so often chooses to wait for dessert.

It's hard to get out of established routines but it's extremely positive that you are wanting to take steps to do it.

@Fiddliestofsticks

You seem to follow beige oven food diet. He isnt eating anything that hasnt gone through a factory and been covered in breadcrumbs. What do you eat? Why cant he just have what you have?

He needs to be having fresh steamed fish, baked fish, blended veg soups, nuts and cheese for snack, one treat a day, no more white carbs or processed fruit snacks.

It doesnt matter if he likes the brioche. I dont even know how a child would start getting that for breakfast. They need to go. It isnt about "maybe he can be swayed". It's simply, "scrambled eggs this morning, here you go". You need to take this a bit note seriously than "maybe he can be swayed". It isnt a joke.

Do you have an autistic child? It's not as simple as just telling them this is what you have to eat and expect them to eat it.

Re. Bread with soup- something like french bread or a crust roll will be more of a challenge to eat- chance are having to chew will slow him down and help him feel like he’s eaten rather than sliced bread where you can eat half a loaf without it touching the sides…

Also full fat milk is probably quite good for him at that age. So rather than cut out the milk keep that and cut out something else.

She cant make it a weekly treat. He'll be getting all the carbs and sugar and dried fruit he wants at his dads, for half the week. The OP cant give him treats because he is already having 50% of his week as treat foods.

@YesIReallyDoLikeRootBeer

Well the OP isnt answering questions. Does he get this food because they've tried everything else and this beige freezer food and brioche is all he will eat? Or is this all he has even been offered so it's all he knows?
Does she cook? Is she willing to start cooking?

@Aplone my six year old ds is autistic and has a plate like this. If may encourage him to try new foods, particularly if like mine he doesn’t like them touching.

I would change the breakfast to weetabix or similar.

Keep school dinners. Keep after school snack but maybe smaller like 1 kinder egg or something.

As the school dinners are a cooked meal I would personally do a smaller dinner, maybe like a traditional packed lunch. No pudding in the week. There is no need for supper, just a glass skimmed milk.