7 yr old DS is morbidly obese, what to do?

[Aplone]

Mums and other carers of formerly obese kids, how did you get them to a healthy size??

A few days ago I put DS's height / weight measurements into the NHS child BMI calculator and it says he's on the 98th percentile and morbidly obese. Am ashamed and really upset. Feel incredibly guilty. I thought maybe he had some "puppy fat" but never thought he was that large. How the fuck do I get his weight down??? I don't (obviously) want to shame him or tell him he's on a diet but have made a few swaps / changes. Would really appreciate ideas. Have instigated a fruit and veg chart to get him to eat 5 a day. He has a tendancy to sneak foods so had already hidden chocolates, biscuits, etc. He always has tea at 5pm, then has a supper which always includes a glass of milk at bedtime which I have switched to skimmed (these timings are pretty non-negotiable, he is being tested for ASD and routines are v important to him). He always has breakfast which is a brioche bun or two.

His dad and I have split up and it is very acrimonious; I can't discuss this with him as he will blame me, report me to the social etc. I know that when he's at his dad's (which is 50% of the time) he does eat a lot of junk food and sweets / candy. Not trying to point fingers this is just for context for anyone reading.

For further context, he doesn't drink fizzy drinks and isn't that keen on juice, has mostly water to drink so can't do a switch here. He plays sport twice a week but cub scouts which is mostly running around so he is active.

Do I need to get a dietician involved? Will he grow out of it? More water? More exercise? I was a skinny child and I feel out of my depth. He has had one child tell him he's fat and I don't want him to be bullied.

Please be nice to me if you reply... I feel fucking terrible thank you in advance xx

[quote MonkeyBirdy]@4PawsGood 58% fish? Is that a typo? What else is in fish fingers if only a little over half is fish?![/quote]
@MonkeyBirdy
Breadcrumbs.

A PP said they were more crumb than fish.

I've clearly forgotten what fish fingers are like as I remember them only having a thin layer of crumbs and being mostly fish.

Apologies I didn’t realise he was autistic

My son is too and he was terrible over food until he was six or so

What helped us:

• I taught him to cook
• I showed him an article about ARFID so that he could understand the consequences of not eating properly
• If he had cravings for any good healthy food (one month he ate nothing but sea bass and I was delighted. But skint)
• Juices and smoothies can do a lot to rectify the lack of vits and minerals which in turn will ease your own anxiety and theirs
• get him do the meal planning with me

If you can offer the control and anxiety issues common in ASD kids then you will get far

@Aplone

Thank you for the comments I appreciated all of them. I will try egg for breakfast - I would never have thought of this. He really does like his brioches but he maybe swayed. It seems like these really need to go!

I will try more soups, he does like the Heinz Tomato's one but he wants loads of bread and butter to go with it.

Please if anyone has suggestions for protein that would be good, we follow a pescetarian diet.

Much healthier to make soup. It's really quick and easy. Then maybe a wholemeal roll ?

If you're pescatarian he needs plenty of protein to fill him up.

Going through this with my 6 year old DD (7kg overweight according to the endocrinologist). If it was 2kg I probably wouldn't worry too much but as 7kg is a sizeable % of her total body weight I did take notice and decided to make some changes.

My son recently died of cancer earlier this year after a short illness, and I suspect most/ much of DDs extra weight was picked up eating in the hospital cafe (ham and cheese croissants and profiteroles and milkshakes and nuggets and chips were her go-tos) and hours of iPad time nearly every day for three months as we didn't go home while he was being treated.

Fighting about food choices was just something we didn't have any energy for at the time so we just said yes to whatever. Even after he died it was all still Uber eats meals for a month or so as my will to cook was non-existent.

We have now spoken to her about healthy food giving us "good energy" for a healthy body and a thinking brain, and we have the food chart on the wall so she can make her own healthy choices at snack time etc.

We've also obviously completely cut back on iPad time and make sure there's lots of physical play each day after school and at weekends.

We haven't mentioned anything about being too heavy to her, we just talk about healthy food as above and about having a physical activity every day to make our bodies feel good.

Most of her food choices are good now, plus one treat a week such as a milkshake or a doughnut after swimming lessons (she gets to choose which day and what treat).

It's now just having one piece of bread with peanut butter and a carrot as an after school snack instead of the two sandwich's (4 pieces of bread!) she would ask for previously.

I hope that we will get on top of it now that she's eating more normally with a few additional changes. The endocrinologist did say it's not so much about losing any weight as weighting for her height to catch up

Waiting for her height obvs!

DS2 is partial to a brioche for breakfast, and perhaps, like your son he likes the routine and knowing in advance what he will be eating.
He only ever has 1 though, and I add chopped fruit on the side of his plate most days.
Can you swap his snacks for fruit too?

So sorry to hear about your son blindspots

blindspots I'm also sorry to hear what your family has been through. Wishing you all strength x

I think you should speak to an NHS dietician. Managing diet for ASD kids, even if they are only just on the spectrum, is really difficult. Kids with ASD can stop eating altogether if you aren’t careful and go too far, and you may find that as long as he has enough exercise and isn’t eating too much crap when he’s with you they may accept him having a slightly higher BMI than other kids.

As for your ex, if you think he will be a problem then it might be a good idea to get the NHS and social services involved before he tries to do it. If you think, once you receive dietician’s advice, that ex won’t honour the diet at home SS can and will enforce temporary supervised contact if they feel it’s best for your DS. Remember they exist to help you so don’t be afraid of using them.

Thank you.

I know it seems a random thing to throw into a thread on this topic but it's how my 6 year old DC ended up in this situation.

I know some MNetters seem to think children being overweight is a simple matter of feeding them Too much beige food (and in our case it mostly was) but also to consider that there may be other things going on as to why and how it can happen

I'm so sorry for your loss blindspots .

@blindspots - also sorry for your loss. Spent many months eating hospital canteen food myself. You do what you must under such circumstances. You have been very sensible and sensitive with your approach to your daughter’s health since as well.

@Aplone - I think you are obviously doing it tough with your ex. Reading between the lines, he sounds like a jerk. Making the move to parent alone is a brave one and as I said before, you sound like a very loving mum who is trying to make some big changes in your own life as well as that of your child’s for the benefit of your family’s health and everyone’s safety, probably. I applaud you. I really, really do. I think you should keep a food diary for a couple of weeks and try and get your DS into an NHS dietician. I personally wouldn’t recommend a nutritionist, as because some people have said, not every one is qualified, and some are on different “crusades” regarding diet, etc. You may not get the healthiest advice. The injections mentioned before may not be the best suggestion either. They come with some serious side effects. I think the biggest obstacle to overcome is our own relationship with food. (I know it sounds easy…) I work in the health industry and I also speak from experience. I lost 65kg. (Am in Australia - googled stones, and it’s 10.25 stones. I’m only 5ft as well.) Health and nutrition advice for kids and adults can be quite different, but you could find that you enjoy what you learn. My weightloss kickstarted my passion for health and now I work in the industry and I’m studying nursing. I know you’re off to a wonderful start for your family. Just don’t get bamboozled by all the conflicting info on here. X

Blindspots so sorry for the loss of your son.

Aplone my DS sees an NHS dietician but for allergies and we’ve found them brilliant, and very realistic.
Even when I’ve felt guilty for him not having the healthiest meals (rice pops for breakfast for example- he’s allergic to wheat and eggs so limited options) they never criticise and just suggest things to balance meals and snacks more. They get that life is busy and it’s not always possible to cook from scratch.

Largely their advice has been about a diet rich in good fats, dairy, balanced carbs, fruit and vegetables and limited treats/sugar. And they help find ways to achieve that.

Nothing surprising there but takes a bit of thinking and planning to make changes, and of course the implementation is tricky with kids if they’re used to far less healthy choices.

I’d suggest seeing the GP to get a referral to your paediatric dietician service.

@mathanxiety

Pescetarian diet is at DS's request. He feels very strongly about it and wouldn't eat fish if given the choice. Eating fish is a compromise.

Is there rigidity on this issue?

Is there a link between the strong feelings and autism traits?

A child of 12ish really isn't able to see a nuanced picture of food production with all its many elements.

Yes a lot of people with ASD are very passionate about things like fairness, social justice, and are very empathetic. I have a female relative with ASD and we used to all say she was like Lisa Simpson obviously the old adage about if you've met one autistic person then you've met one autistic person applies. But everyone I have met who's autistic has a very strong moral compass.

And the thought of eating mammals is so utterly repellent to him, it wouldn't be worth trying.

Very very sorry for your loss, Blindspots. Xxx

Thanks @Justilou1 ❤ That is seriously impressive weightloss!! Well done you.

As it is a new month have explained to DS that we're being healthier for July. We are finishing up the brioche but won't be getting any more. I really like reading other peoples kids food diaries! My exH was so incredibly critical of everything I did it is hard to know what is "normal" as I was told everything I did was shit and wrong. You kinda lose sight of all perepective after a while.

I didn’t mention before, but my 17 y/o DD1 is ASD. She is also a bit of a “Lisa Simpson” type. She developed a phobia about the common foods that cause anaphylaxis in people. This all came about because her younger brother has anaphylaxis to a couple of foods, and my cousin that she is close to, developed anaphylaxis in his mid 40’s to shellfish. Now she fears that if she eats any of these foods, someone she loves or even a complete stranger sitting near her could die and it would be her fault, and she could never live with that. I am a nurse and always carry an epipen because of my son, and have had to show her how it works on the body and what anaphylaxis actually is and how it’s treated. If I am with her, she will happily order a brownie knowing that I could keep someone alive until an ambulance arrived. It’s taken me quite a while to get to the bottom of this one.
Once you crack the code with your DS, you WILL find a way that works for you and for your family. This is why I was suggesting that you work with the dietician too, as I am fairly sure that they will also have some awesome, age-appropriate strategies that also take your circumstances and what is realistic for YOU into consideration.

Gosh Justilou, well done you for getting to the bottom of that! Bless your DD that is quite sweet thank you, I am feeling quite optimistic, I have had some brilliant advice on here! I think I will be brave and ask the GP for a referral to a dietician. Watch this space x

...the thought of eating mammals is so utterly repellent to him, it wouldn't be worth trying.

What about fowl?

@mathanxiety - you’re obviously being difficult or pedantic for some reason. That, or you don’t understand what a pescatarian is. Pescatarians eat seafood and a vegetarian diet. No birds, no animals.

[quote Justilou1]@mathanxiety - you’re obviously being difficult or pedantic for some reason. That, or you don’t understand what a pescatarian is. Pescatarians eat seafood and a vegetarian diet. No birds, no animals.[/quote]
sigh

Yes, no fowl either. Also repellent, etc.

Glad you’re feeling optimistic @Aplone… You deserve to feel positive! You’re making wonderful choices for your family. I wish you every happiness!

@Justilou1

My comment wrt fowl was in response to
"And the thought of eating mammals is so utterly repellent to him, it wouldn't be worth trying."

Pescatarians don't have a completely vegetarian commitment or they wouldn't be pescatarians. The OP emphasised a revulsion against eating mammals, not fowl.

@mathanxiety

I just assumed that the OP thought that birds (and fowl) were classed as mammals. They arent mammals obviously, but OP clearly meant "all other animals used for meat and eggs" when she said mammals.