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Original poster

7 yr old DS is morbidly obese, what to do?

251 replies

Aplone · 28/06/2021 23:00

Mums and other carers of formerly obese kids, how did you get them to a healthy size??

A few days ago I put DS's height / weight measurements into the NHS child BMI calculator and it says he's on the 98th percentile and morbidly obese. Am ashamed and really upset. Feel incredibly guilty. I thought maybe he had some "puppy fat" but never thought he was that large. How the fuck do I get his weight down??? I don't (obviously) want to shame him or tell him he's on a diet but have made a few swaps / changes. Would really appreciate ideas. Have instigated a fruit and veg chart to get him to eat 5 a day. He has a tendancy to sneak foods so had already hidden chocolates, biscuits, etc. He always has tea at 5pm, then has a supper which always includes a glass of milk at bedtime which I have switched to skimmed (these timings are pretty non-negotiable, he is being tested for ASD and routines are v important to him). He always has breakfast which is a brioche bun or two.

His dad and I have split up and it is very acrimonious; I can't discuss this with him as he will blame me, report me to the social etc. I know that when he's at his dad's (which is 50% of the time) he does eat a lot of junk food and sweets / candy. Not trying to point fingers this is just for context for anyone reading.

For further context, he doesn't drink fizzy drinks and isn't that keen on juice, has mostly water to drink so can't do a switch here. He plays sport twice a week but cub scouts which is mostly running around so he is active.

Do I need to get a dietician involved? Will he grow out of it? More water? More exercise? I was a skinny child and I feel out of my depth. He has had one child tell him he's fat and I don't want him to be bullied.

Please be nice to me if you reply... I feel fucking terrible Sad thank you in advance xx

OP posts:
Palavah · 29/06/2021 00:30

Would it help if you can focus on the nutritional aspect - he needs a range of food groups to get the nutrients he needs to grow to (insert activity he enjoys here) and to be able to learn at school, and to have energy to play.

Yes it will take some adjustment. Maybe don't start with breakfast on a school day? Or offer half a brioche with some egg?

suspiria777 · 29/06/2021 00:31

Does your other child have the same eating habits, or do they eat healthier food like you?
(How old are they? If they're less set in their ways it might be easier to start making changes there...)
If you reframed a later mealtime and the food you eat as "grown up food" is there any chance your son would show more interest? Is he aware of what makes a food healthy versus less healthy? Does he understand the importance of fibre, protein, vitamins (and the damage of sugar, acids, carbs etc.)?

suspiria777 · 29/06/2021 00:33

@Aplone

I would love to do a hobby with him or sign him up for an extra sports club but as he is with dad for alternate weeks it is very hard as dad won't take him to any more clubs so he would be going half the time only, and most clubs want more commitment.

I have been looking at school dinner menus and they do indeed come with a pudding e.g jam roly poly every day. This is the last year of free school meals (keystage1) so might just make a clean break and switch to pack lunch in September.

The school advice for snacks is plain biscuits and fruit. No chocolate - it will be confiscated. You can have biscuits with fruit in e.g. fig rolls or squashed fly biscuits.

fig rolls and garibaldis, because they contain sticky dried fruit, are the absolute worst for oral health. Dried fruit is honestly the greatest gift to tooth decay.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

7 year olds Weight management
Dutchesss · 29/06/2021 00:34

Portion size is a big one. A child that age should fit their meal on a side plate.

Original poster
Aplone · 29/06/2021 00:38

Younger sibling is 3, not set in their ways and I think much less likely to have ASD. Is a healthy weight and much more open to trying new things or the food I eat. DS keenly aware that younger sibling will try foods and gets despondent about this which I find terribly sad.

I think that DS does have some understanding of what is healthly but in much more black and wight terms e.g. a brioche is "plain" therefore ok but say a Mars bar would not be ok. He knows about sugar and that has helped me cut down on his sweets / candy as I have a good reason for refusing these (also he knows he has pretty much unlimited sweets at his dad's house).

OP posts:
Original poster
Aplone · 29/06/2021 00:38

@Fiddliestofsticks

School puddings are not the same as puddings from the shop. They need to adhere to strict rules around sugar and fat content. Theyll call it a jam roll poly or a sponge cake with custard, but it's not what we would all call a sponge cake. They are made to be as low in sugar as they can be.
Oh really pleased to read this, thank you Smile
OP posts:
Original poster
Aplone · 29/06/2021 00:41

That is depressing about the dried fruit / tooth decay. Remarkably, DS's teeth are fine at the moment (touch wood!).

OP posts:
mn2022 · 29/06/2021 00:44

Why so much food?

A child does not need an after school snack, dinner and then a supper.

And it's shocking how much processed sugar he is having.

I think it's clear your basic understanding of food and what is a healthy amount is way off

merrymelody · 29/06/2021 00:45

Just reading through the OP's son's daily intake and woah! the amount of sugar is scarily high. Dried fruit is a no-no, for example.

It's going to be tough to wean your DS off these "comfort foods" so try to do it gradually. My DS also gained quite a bit of weight following my divorce from his dad. Even the slightest suggestion to my DS that he should cut back on the sweets led to tears, anger and resentment. So I empathize.
We did manage it eventually though. He's now 17 and very fit.

My biggest fear was type 2 diabetes... Sad

Discovery65 · 29/06/2021 00:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Aplone · 29/06/2021 00:48

Yes @merrymelody the divorce has not helped Sad

OP posts:
SoSadAboutMyDad · 29/06/2021 00:51

Well done for being honest but you do need to change his diet.

I have a 9 year old who does 2-3 hours of sports clubs every day plus school PE and playtimes. Her menu is as follows and she is bang on 50th percentile so not skinny by any means:-
Breakfast - egg on toast
School snack - small wholemeal bap and carrot sticks
Lunch - school lunch
Dinner - always homemade - curry, salmon and new potatoes, cod and mash etc.

And that is it! No snacks after school. No puddings apart from after Sunday lunch. Nothing before bed.

Fiddliestofsticks · 29/06/2021 00:52

I agree with the poster above that tour understanding of food is maybe a big part of the problem. You seem surprised that the brioche (2 of them) has been labelled as bad, you say you'd have never though of eggs for breakfast (they are a staple of breakfast protein) and you're unaware that dried fruit is just a total no. I know you've explained that you have had issues around food, but now that you've got a child with issues too, it's time to educate yourself on food.

I had a child with a terrible temper. I didnt know how to handle it. I went on a oarent course for that. I found out what I needed to be the best support for him I could be. That's what you need to be doing. Go and get some help. You should get access to a dietician after seeing the GP about your son. And btw, you could report you ex to social service if he wont act on the medical advice.

Palavah · 29/06/2021 00:52

Ps - it doesn't all have to be doom and gloom. 'ooh for a treat you can have porridge or dippy egg for breakfast. Which would you like?'

SoSadAboutMyDad · 29/06/2021 00:57

And having been a teacher in a school for many years I can echo about the puddings been very low fat and sugar. Most are made with hidden vegetables as well. School dinner portions are proper child portions and what most parents consider small as we have most sight of what a child’s portion should be. From experience, I would say that most school dinners are healthier and lower in calories than most packed lunches so I wouldn’t worry about his lunch. Focus on his meals and snacks at home.

SoSadAboutMyDad · 29/06/2021 00:58

Loads of typos there Confused sorry

PerveenMistry · 29/06/2021 00:58

Why so many sweets and carbs?!

Breakfast should be protein, not white flour & sugar, for example.

PerveenMistry · 29/06/2021 01:00

@Fiddliestofsticks

I think you've seen for yourself that the majority of his food is white carbs and sugar. So there is tour problem.

A brioche is totally pointless for breakfast. Same with kids cereal. Totally pointless. And those dried fruit snacks also just totally a bad choice. All that needs to go.

This child needs more eggs, chicken, beans and other lean healthy protein. And far fewer carbs and sugars.
Justilou1 · 29/06/2021 01:03

I actually think that a dietician would be a great idea, especially if you are going through an acrimonious divorce. There are many dieticians who have experience helping kids who are on the spectrum overcome their issues with textures and food rigidity so that they can eat a healthier diet. They will give you heaps of food and recipe ideas to try, and you can also adapt them for you and your other child as well so that you’re not cooking nine meals a day or wasting food and money. Your ex may or may not follow suit with the dietician-led ideas, but if he doesn’t, it really looks bad for him during the divorce. You sound like a really loving mum who is doing her best to get the appropriate care for her child. I really hope things work out for you and your family.

saraclara · 29/06/2021 01:09

He's having three meals after school, where he should just have one. Bedtime milk and toast definitely needs dispensing with.

If you can go with (unlimited) fruit as a post-school snack, and then a good-sized healthy dinner, you will be cutting down on a LOT of calories, while he still gets his three meals a day and a snack.

Original poster
Aplone · 29/06/2021 01:11

@Justilou1

I actually think that a dietician would be a great idea, especially if you are going through an acrimonious divorce. There are many dieticians who have experience helping kids who are on the spectrum overcome their issues with textures and food rigidity so that they can eat a healthier diet. They will give you heaps of food and recipe ideas to try, and you can also adapt them for you and your other child as well so that you’re not cooking nine meals a day or wasting food and money. Your ex may or may not follow suit with the dietician-led ideas, but if he doesn’t, it really looks bad for him during the divorce. You sound like a really loving mum who is doing her best to get the appropriate care for her child. I really hope things work out for you and your family.
Thank you for your very kind message x
OP posts:
saraclara · 29/06/2021 01:13

@Justilou1

I actually think that a dietician would be a great idea, especially if you are going through an acrimonious divorce. There are many dieticians who have experience helping kids who are on the spectrum overcome their issues with textures and food rigidity so that they can eat a healthier diet. They will give you heaps of food and recipe ideas to try, and you can also adapt them for you and your other child as well so that you’re not cooking nine meals a day or wasting food and money. Your ex may or may not follow suit with the dietician-led ideas, but if he doesn’t, it really looks bad for him during the divorce. You sound like a really loving mum who is doing her best to get the appropriate care for her child. I really hope things work out for you and your family.
I agree with this.

I know you don't have to say, but I don't understand why this can't be mentioned to his dad. I don't see how he can report you to social services for giving your child a healthy diet with a view to weight loss. I'd have thought that SS would actually think better of you for addressing his weight, especially if you've asked for a referral to a dietician. He on the other hand, will look bad if he ignores their advice.

Naughty1205 · 29/06/2021 01:23

1 chocolate chip brioche has 6% of an adults daily allowance of fat. Not 30% as someone mentioned up thread!

FlowerArranger · 29/06/2021 01:29

@Aplone - you've had a lot of good advice, but I'd just like to reiterate the importance of eating healthy, non-processed meals as a family. Eating healthily should be a completely natural part of the day.

Dddccc · 29/06/2021 01:35

Ok first thing I would do is remove snacks and replace with 1 nit of fruit only and swap some meals for more homemade is pasta, rice, roasts type thing