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Original poster

Should DS go to school on no sleep?

80 replies

33feethighandrising · 28/06/2021 06:48

DS (age 12) has just woken me up to get ready for school and has said he hasn't slept all night.

He's autistic and often has trouble sleeping, but I strongly suspect he's been on his phone all night.

He says he wants to go to school and it's not the first time.

But, surely he shouldn't go to school if he's been up all night?

(I'm not sure I believe him he's done it before. I think I'd have heard about it as he likes to talk about how little he sleeps).

I'm going to have to go back to taking his phone off him as he obviously can't be trusted to have the phone in his room and I do understand what a temptation it is, plus we've been to the doctor about it) but I'm not really asking for help with that - just, would you send him in today?

I don't believe him he's been up all night before btw as I can't think of a morning when I didn't have to get him out if bed at 7:30.

OP posts:
Bumzoo · 28/06/2021 07:24

Of course he goes.

Original poster
33feethighandrising · 28/06/2021 07:26

He's now admitted he's been up all night watching jojo's bizarre adventure which looks pretty unsuitable. So that's another conversation for this evening!

OP posts:
ThankYouDebbie · 28/06/2021 07:27

I'm with @Ilovecrumpets. My DS has Adhd and possible ASD. Sending him in would be a risky strategy because I know his behaviour would likely be all over the shop.

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Families
BunnyRuddington · 28/06/2021 07:27

DD is being assessed for ASD. She often goes in with no or little sleep. She's cranky when she gets home but she gets through ok.

CurlsLDN · 28/06/2021 07:28

Hey op,to see how much time he has spent on the YouTube app

  • Open the app and click on the little circle top right with his user icon
  • click time watched
joystir59 · 28/06/2021 07:29

Send him to school today and take his phone off him every bed time.

TheoMeo · 28/06/2021 07:34

If I ahve my phone and a book on my bedside table - although the book will relax me and help me doze off flicking through my phone will win, it's just easier and more 'fun'. Why would you allow kids phones at bedtime.

DecorChange · 28/06/2021 07:36

You can check the YouTube app too. You need to go onto the your channel bit and then settings then manage history. Hope that helps a bit. But yeah send him in school van ring if he's not doing well.

itsaccrualworld · 28/06/2021 07:45

I'd send him in, but try to re-plan my day so I could collect him if the school called. It's not about him learning anything in class today, it's about him learning if he doesn't get enough sleep, he can't physically cope with being out and about.

If I could, I'd warn the class teacher in advance. I know it's not always easy to get a message to them.

Bumpinthenight · 28/06/2021 07:45

If you have family link, then you can set the bedtimes on the phone so he can't use it overnight.
I would send him in. Its self-inflicted and if he gets out of school this time, he knows what to do next time!

Backthewaywecame · 28/06/2021 07:49

Yes I would send him. If he’s anything like my dc, you will regret keeping him off as he will be absolutely fine.

DecorChange · 28/06/2021 07:51

Jo Jo bizarre adventure isn't too bad as animes goes. I mean yeah it's not all rainbows and sparkles but vampires.

autumnboys · 28/06/2021 07:51

I have an autistic 11yo and in this situation I would send him in.

Tricky though, as an overly tired autistic child isn’t best set up for the day, I know. Is his group tutor sympathetic? I would send them an email if so.

BertieBotts · 28/06/2021 07:52

Did you set his birthdate as older than he is? We had this issue with DS1 and once they "turn 13" they have to consent to you seeing what they are doing. We did make consenting a condition of the phone though. IIRC when we set it up we had to set him as older because it wasn't possible to make an account for a child his age, they have recently changed this.

covidcloser · 28/06/2021 08:01

It's not about him learning anything in class today, it's about him learning if he doesn't get enough sleep, he can't physically cope with being out and about.

Yeah, that's not really how it works with autism.

You are not going to teach an autistic person to sleep because they went out tired.

The lack of understanding of autism is astounding in this thread.

Kanaloa · 28/06/2021 08:04

Yes definitely. I would say keep him off if it wasn’t his fault though, like if he’d been up all night due to insomnia or illness or something, but he has chosen to stay up all night, so being tired all day is the natural consequence of that.

covidcloser · 28/06/2021 08:09

he has chosen to stay up all night, so being tired all day is the natural consequence of that.

Autistic people do not 'choose' no sleep.

'Natural consequence' has no relevance here.

Autism is a lifelong disability and also wow problems are very common within that.

Applying a NT response to an autistic trait/behaviour will not result in a lesson being learnedly

VettiyaIruken · 28/06/2021 08:09

I wouldn't.

My two are both autistic and a bad night is always followed by a hellish day.They're in their 20s now but when they were school age and one or the other had a very bad night I didn't send them in because I knew I'd just get a call to collect them.

An nt child fair enough. No sleep then school tough shit you shouldn't have been on your phone all night.

Add autism and (- and this is only my experience based on my two, I'm not claiming to be an expert, I'm just giving my take on it -) we're talking epic meltdown and severe upset (eldest) or someone's getting punched (youngest).

It just isn't worth it ime.

If it was me, I'd call today a reset day and start fresh tomorrow. Assuming phone removal won't cause ww3 in which case tomorrow will be a bugger too.

covidcloser · 28/06/2021 08:10

Sleep problems are common - no idea where the wow came from!

roguetomato · 28/06/2021 08:14

What else can you do though other than send him to school? If he find a way to take a day off school by staying up all night, it won't be just a phone next time. If he fell asleep and get in trouble, totally his fault, lesson will be learnt?

AdventureIsWaiting · 28/06/2021 08:14

I'm autistic. I'd send him in. I used to do this and it was better for me to go to school than sit at home and stew / continue to obsess over whatever had kept my attention all night. Also meant i got an early night rather than a daytime nap and up late again the following night.

FWIW as an adult I still struggle to put my phone down / walk away from obsessions and I have a lockbox for this reason. I don't think it's a step backwards for you to keep your son's phone- he genuinely may be unable to manage it (as I am).

BunnyRuddington · 28/06/2021 08:17

I'm autistic. I'd send him in. I used to do this and it was better for me to go to school than sit at home and stew / continue to obsess over whatever had kept my attention all night. Also meant i got an early night rather than a daytime nap and up late again the following night

That's exactly how my DD is. If I kept her off she would sleep all afternoon then be up all night again. It's hard but it works better for us if she goes in then gas an early night, just like you did Smile

covidcloser · 28/06/2021 08:26

If he fell asleep and get in trouble, totally his fault, lesson will be learnt?

No lesson will be learnt. Falling asleep in class and getting into trouble isn't going to solve the sleep problem of an autistic person.

MinesAPintOfTea · 28/06/2021 08:26

As an adult with sleeping difficulties: send him in. So long as he can function safely, learning that you have to get through the day and fall asleep when home is a valuable lesson. I’d be unemployable if I didn’t go to work every time I was awake most the night.

MinesAPintOfTea · 28/06/2021 08:27

If he drinks coke I’d let him have that before school to perk him up though