Do you have relatives who are always 'busy'?

faithfulbird20 · 2021-06-26T10:17:07+00:00

'Ohh we are soo busy we don't get time we always have work to do' That's pretty much their excuse for everything. Do you have those relatives? What do you do? Cut them out? What do you reply with?

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 26/06/2021 11:37

yes, but as she's got older she's relaxed a bit.

she'd say "I'm so busy" not so much as a excuse but expecting some sort of appreciation (which I don't get) I'd just say "well, you could do less but you make yourself busy. you know you don't have to, you could cut corners and have time to rest or take on less. but you choose to be busy so why are you complaining?"

she didn't like that.
but I hated hearing it🤷‍♀️

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 26/06/2021 11:50

what irritates me about "I'm busy" is when it is said with an air of superiority.
as if spending more time doing this is somehow more admirable.

"It took my 5 hours to prepare this meal" from them meets with "how are you so inefficient? that would've taken me 2 hours, tops"

plus they don't get that being physically inactive for longer or more frequently doesn't mean mentally inactive.
plus I don't have to rush around like a headless chicken and thus giving the impression of being busy, because my workspace is organised well & efficiently, so you don't need to waste time looking for stuff!

btw these are the people who like to brag about how early they got up and how much they did before 6am.
who the fuck cares?
you are not better because you have a different lifestyle based on your choices and/or your chronotype!

romdowa · 26/06/2021 11:52

I usually tell people I'm busy when I want to avoid interacting with them. I'm definitely not busy but it's a great excuse.

Malin52 · 26/06/2021 12:03

DHs parents. Retired for 20 years. We visit from 12000 miles away and ask when is good to visit.
"Ooh well wednesdays don't work because we go to the farm shop and Thursday Dad has to go to the dentist and Maureen's coffee morning is that day as well. Thursday the library books go back and it's a dry day so that's the lawn to do as well. Friday ... oh well Steve is coming to look at the boiler and Saturday is when we go to Sainsburys so we could do Sunday morning but that's the bread making day and dad needs to trim the succulents so it will just be a quick lunch."

Fucking hell. It's just 'busy work'. I've travelled 24 bleeding hours half way round the world and the library books take precedent. When we go round there no one sits still because someone's making jam, putting up a shelf, demolishing a greenhouse or de-algaeing a pond.

Fairyliz · 26/06/2021 12:06

It’s funny how they are never too busy to tell you how busy they are and what they have got to do.
Surely if you had that much work you would crack on with it not talk about it?

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 26/06/2021 12:08

@Malin52

exact same fucking thing, there always has to be something, doesn't it?

wtfisgoingonhere21 · 26/06/2021 12:10

We are the busy relatives

Dh works permanent nights and I work full
Time days.

2 teens with work lifts needed and after school and weekend stuff to do.

Two dogs to walk daily and a house and garden to maintain and works to finish so our weekends consist of drop off and pick ups, household cleaning washing garden stuff and helping both sets of now elderly parents with various things.

If we know friends or family are coming we make time for them but if they turn up in announced the likelihood is we will be busy

MrsDThomas · 26/06/2021 14:13

Yes. A cousin. Were due a walk and lunch and she’s always asking when. Im free most weekends and she always says no.

Im fucked with asking now.

RosesAndHellebores · 26/06/2021 14:18

We are the busy relatives. Both work full-time in stressful jobs. DH has to visit MIL once a month due to deme.tia/carers. Two DC at uni - in the car park now as one finishes packing. Will need to work tomorrow, theatre Monday, travelling to uni town and hotel Tuesday at 4pm to pack up 2nd child and attend graduation on Wednesday. Have a dinner with friends planned for Friday evening.

Will be starting the 100 mile drive home in about 30 mins!

Hope that's acceptable op.

BogRollBOGOF · 26/06/2021 16:33

If we know friends or family are coming we make time for them but if they turn up in announced the likelihood is we will be busy

That's the key bit, making time when practical to do so rather than using it as a constant block and assuming others don't have their own commitments

DM is always "busy" looking after the cats.
It does obstruct our relationship. She can't travel to me anymore anyway, but she's always too busy to invite me and she lives beyond drop-in/ passing range. She's the one who taught me that it's rude to invite myself round which remains the final option.

Spandrel · 26/06/2021 16:42

Doesn't this depend on the context? You used the word 'excuse'. Are you always asking them to do stuff socially, and they say they're too busy? In which case, it's their decision, surely? Or is it that they're failing to fulfill some obligation that then falls on you because they're 'too busy'? In which case you're justified in feeling aggrieved.

It also depends on whether they are objectively busy, surely. We both have jobs that often involve working weekends and aren't 9-5, I'm finishing a major project and can't think about anything else, we have a young son we have to work flexibly around, just moved into a big doer-upper we're only starting to renovate (I'm project managing), with a giant garden we're only starting to tame, have various family obligations with elderly parents etc. I don't bob about bleating about being 'busy', but objectively, life at the moment is pretty busy.

CatrinVennastin · 26/06/2021 17:03

@Malin52 are you my sister? 😂

My parents are exactly like this. Always the sodding garden too.

WallaceinAnderland · 26/06/2021 17:09

I'm hardly ever busy but I like to relax on my own and recharge so I often say I am to avoid socialising. My relatives probably think I'm very busy.

habibihabibi · 26/06/2021 17:17

Malin52
Are you married to me ? because that is exactly my parents.

olidora63 · 26/06/2021 17:20

It’s having a relative who never commits to a potential meet up and then complains that she never sees us ! Are we supposed to keep a date free just incase a better offer hasn’t come along for her .?

AlexaShutUp · 26/06/2021 17:25

We're probably those relatives tbh. I work full time in a really demanding role, and I do voluntary work. I make plans with friends at the weekends etc. DH is self employed and has to be available at odd times. DD has been less busy in the pandemic but is into the performing arts so is often rehearsing shows etc. She also has a part time job and volunteers regularly, on top of school. So as a family, we're probably quite hard to pin down. We don't wear it as a badge of honour at all, and we definitely don't go on about how busy we are, but you'd probably notice it if you were trying to book in some time with us. It's just the way we are.

DishingOutDone · 26/06/2021 17:43

@romdowa

I usually tell people I'm busy when I want to avoid interacting with them. I'm definitely not busy but it's a great excuse.

Yep, that's the relatives we have.

Clem4579 · 26/06/2021 17:44

We aren't as keen as we used to be to try to make plans with busy people, whether they are friends or relatives.
The tipping point for me was a special meal, organised for months, then at the last minute the busy ones couldn't come. The next time I spoke to one of them I said it was a shame they couldn't join us at the restaurant because the meal was really nice, they told me they'd actually been there the previous week with another couple.

Then they told me about a different restaurant they'd been to with their cousin, and a new pub that they'd been to with a colleague, blah blah blah. I sat listening to tales of their social life and realised they weren't too busy to meet with lots of other people, and yet always too busy to keep to our arrangements. Screw that.

AlexaShutUp · 26/06/2021 17:46

@Clem4579

We aren't as keen as we used to be to try to make plans with busy people, whether they are friends or relatives. The tipping point for me was a special meal, organised for months, then at the last minute the busy ones couldn't come. The next time I spoke to one of them I said it was a shame they couldn't join us at the restaurant because the meal was really nice, they told me they'd actually been there the previous week with another couple.

Then they told me about a different restaurant they'd been to with their cousin, and a new pub that they'd been to with a colleague, blah blah blah. I sat listening to tales of their social life and realised they weren't too busy to meet with lots of other people, and yet always too busy to keep to our arrangements. Screw that.

That's not really about being busy, though. That's just being flakey.

woodhill · 26/06/2021 17:46

@Malin52

DHs parents. Retired for 20 years. We visit from 12000 miles away and ask when is good to visit. "Ooh well wednesdays don't work because we go to the farm shop and Thursday Dad has to go to the dentist and Maureen's coffee morning is that day as well. Thursday the library books go back and it's a dry day so that's the lawn to do as well. Friday ... oh well Steve is coming to look at the boiler and Saturday is when we go to Sainsburys so we could do Sunday morning but that's the bread making day and dad needs to trim the succulents so it will just be a quick lunch."

Fucking hell. It's just 'busy work'. I've travelled 24 bleeding hours half way round the world and the library books take precedent. When we go round there no one sits still because someone's making jam, putting up a shelf, demolishing a greenhouse or de-algaeing a pond.

Yes, my dm is a bit like that but still accommodates us but so set in her routine

DishingOutDone · 26/06/2021 17:48

So our busy relatives: we are the only relatives this person has. They visit some of their partner's relatives, who live down the road from us, several times a year. They see partner's immediate relatives most days. They used to see us maybe twice a year, which I thought was reasonable (live 40 minutes away). After lockdown was changed so that outdoor meet ups could take place, they did lots of outdoor meet ups, just not with us.

Their excuse not to see us is that they have two small children, but that doesn't seem to stop them seeing - well - ANYONE else at all, but not us. When our kids were small we used to host them all the time, a lot more than twice a year, but once they had kids, it was like no one must question how busy they are. They both work part time from home BTW, but they are more busy than anyone else. Can't do birthdays or Christmas, can't return messages and so on. Basically they don't fucking like us .

Integrity7 · 26/06/2021 18:07

I'm busy a lot with hospital appointments and trying to get new career going and being a lone parent. In the past I made time to care for my Grandma when others were "too busy" and then for my child.

Now I am run ragged with MS they have in the past inferred they are busy WORKING my sister Jemima having done so while I was bed bound in hospital due to an MS relapse and unsure as to whether I would survive, as did a former friend called Helen (frequently) I believe both with the intent of being heard by others.

My sister (who has also been financially abusive) also said and that I didn't understand the pressure of being freelance etc (while libelling me, I used to work freelance a photographer, a journalist and in marketing before my ability to do so was impaired by MS)

I am currently estranged and displacing them in court to avoid a Britney Spears Dad type scenario. I wish I had done so years ago. In an attempt to change career direction and earn again I have included a line in my first screenplay that echoes this because people need to think about the culture and rhetoric towards "Hardworking people" in the UK and I am sick of it. However I suspect they are still libelling me in the US and UK.

Wombat24 · 26/06/2021 18:27

My relatives think I sit on my arse doing nothing all day.

Tbh, by the time I organise my pets, my diet (under GP supervision, but not much left to cut, so needs quite a bit of effort), my business all around my cognitive difficulties, I'm exhausted. My relatives with kids probably have less time than me but it doesn't mean that I've got lots of extra resource available to tidy up and organise things to suit them. I'd like to but it's just not easy or straightforward to do so, so it gets kicked down the road.

Original poster

faithfulbird20 · 27/06/2021 06:02

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba I think you're the only one on this thread that got what I meant!

I meant those that say we're busy in a superior way when in reality they're doing the same crap everybody else is doing. 'We're so busy', 'we're so happy', 'we're always going out to places' etc etc I get bored to death listening to these people trying to make it out they have a better quality of life than you. Trying to make out we're boring. Err hello? We do the same things as you and we don't need to gloat!

OP posts:

Chiffandbip · 27/06/2021 06:08

We are the busy relatives (term time) in the school holidays we have more time but to be honest after a term at school I generally benefit from just getting everything in order and relaxing.