Do you have relatives who are always 'busy'?

[faithfulbird20]

'Ohh we are soo busy we don't get time we always have work to do'

That's pretty much their excuse for everything. Do you have those relatives? What do you do? Cut them out? What do you reply with?

I started to get annoyed with the "miss you guys!" posts in whatsapp groups. During lockdown it was fine, when we were actually allowed to see each other it continued. So I replied "us to! Let's get together, when can you do?" Radio silence. I don't bother responding to "miss you" posts any more.

Dishing out.

That's sad to hear are you the grandparents? It does sound like an excuse but if you want them to be more open then you need to think about why...

Zing, yes the superiority

My in lows literally only value their own time esp fil if he's making money or sil. And not just any money, lots of money.
Otherwise time belongs to them.

Eg dh can't make something because of our dc.. That's not acceptable. Sil can't make something because she's working.. That's absolutely fine, her priorities are straight.

Had a childhood friend whose dad was always in mad work mode, couldn't be distracted not even to say hello..

• unfortunately it is the most used excuse isn't it when people don't want to see you...

It's certainly one I am now deploying with in lows.

We've been constantly pushed to the edge of their calender pre dc, even told to leave on occasion when they entertain etc.
Unfortunately for them now we have dc as well our time has become more precious!

The funny thing about busy people is they always find the time to tell everyone how busy they are.

I think we tend to expand the task to the time available so the PP whose retired inlaws couldn't meet on a Thursday because the library books needed to be returned are just used to having plenty of time for this task whereas a ft working person wouldn't even think about it and would take 2 mins to drop them off on the way somewhere. I think some people feel better about themselves if they feel they are busy, like it justifies their existence. If it bothers you then you need to tell them that they don't make enough time for you.

We are the busy relatives.
OH works nights, I work days, 2 kids in school. We both work shifts too just to make it more busy.

We also have no childcare support at all, so if a gap comes along and I’m not busy, I won’t be wasting that time on anyone else but myself!

Yep, I have older relatives who are always 'busy' and 'exhausted'. They have always been the same. They have no children, pets, hobbies or 9-5 jobs (basically part time antique trading type thing) but they are always saying about how busy they are. They pop by and say things like "can't stop, must catch up!" It's so strange. No one can figure out what they are so busy with all the time! They must always be busier than everyone else who has worked a 9 hour day and gone home to sort out a family. It's odd.

@Ivymundane
I can see that clearly you don’t have a lot of free time. However am I the only one who thinks it’s really sad that you see spending time with people who love you as ‘wasting time’ ?

@faithfulbird20

thanks. I spotted a few more people who got it.
@Malin52 with the in-law situation is so familiar & I laughed when @Fairyliz noted how these busy people ALWAYS have the time to tell you how busy they are!🤣
(I only read first few posts)

I've had Little Miss Busy turning up unexpectedly but when I invited her in for a cuppa she immediately said she couldn't possibly because she was so busy. so then she wasted a good half an hour of my time telling me why she was so busy.
admittedly I only have 7 kids so I might have a few things to do but sure, she should tell me how it is while I engrave a medal for her🙄

I think people like her need attention and appreciation for what they do and they have low-self esteem so by saying they are busy they mean "I'm needed a lot, therefore I'm loved a lot". I have come to think that some of this behaviour is basically just the adult version of "look mummy, I'm such a good girl...love me!"

But it comes across as "Im better than you", which is so grating.

U get what others are saying about either being genuinely preoccupied or saying they are busy as a brush off.
But the perpetually sighing "oh I must tell you how busy I am until you bleed from your ears" busy person is a different animal, isn't?

If you have 7 kids you have definitely worked out ways to manage your time. People who don't have several children or other pressures on their time may feel that they need to keep "busy", perhaps to justify it to themselves. I tell people I'm busy often but I do find time to do nothing as well - but that not something I generally moan about.

@SuperCaliFragalistic

I think we tend to expand the task to the time available so the PP whose retired inlaws couldn't meet on a Thursday because the library books needed to be returned are just used to having plenty of time for this task whereas a ft working person wouldn't even think about it and would take 2 mins to drop them off on the way somewhere. I think some people feel better about themselves if they feel they are busy, like it justifies their existence. If it bothers you then you need to tell them that they don't make enough time for you.

Definitely that.

My dm also tries to project the guilt of not being busy 24/7 onto me. She hints at what I should be doing when I'm not working but I take no notice

I'm quite happy to not be busy and don't want to organise my free time.

not sure why you assume Little Miss Busy doesn't have several children.
maybe she even has grandchildren. who knows? or pets. or a husband. or siblings. or a job. or maybe she's not working. or she travels a lot. or she has a specific diet that takes time to cater for. or illnesses. or that I might be talking about a he.
you don't know.

genuine reasons are not the issue.
inflating the importance of mundane tasks to appear to be superior is the problem.
these people waste your time while listing shit we all have, stuff we all have to do and talk endlessly about people and ideas and the latest xyz nobody cares a shit about as if being so involved meant they are better than everyone else and Holier than Thou.

if you don't know such people you are bloody lucky!

Oh I do recall a school mum catching me in the playground to bemoan the stress of organising Christmas and wondering how she would fit everything in. She was a SAHM with two boys of about 10 and 7. At the time I just about stopped myself from saying WTF do you do all day? Those boys are now 23 and 20. I'd still like to know WTF she did all day not to have Christmas planned and dealt with to a tee.

My cousin has always been too "busy" to bother with anyone. I tried to get to know her kids when they were little, but again, she was always too busy, even though she was a SAHM and I repeatedly offered to come to her house (2 hours drive away) to visit them.
What really angers me about her though is that she just didn't bother with my grandma. She didn't even see her for 2 years (could have done easily), my grandma then moved to a nursing home really near where my cousin lived, she hardly bothered seeing her there either. My grandma told me that her great grand kids were all she had left to live for and she was devastated she'd hardly met them. I was dealing with serious health problems and in and out of hospital myself, but I made a lot of visits to my grandma even though it took hours of driving, which took it out of me for days afterwards and I wrote her letters when I was in hospital and couldn't go. Tbh I will never forgive my cousin for being "too busy" to bother with my grandma.

Oh DK123 I think that's rather hard. My grandma, whom I adored ended up in a nursing home with alzheimers. She didn't know who Amy of us were and I had some very terse exchanges because I did not wish my under 4s to visit, partly because one was a chronic asthmatic and I was concerned about bugs and partly because I thought it was a wholly inappropriate place to take small children.

DH's step sister is aways busy - I never quite know what she's got going on. No children of her own (disclaimer, I'm not saying only parents can be busy!!). She had to take a day off this week - to just catch up..!

She's always too busy to see anyone or care for her elderly mother ( so it falls to her step children/grand children)

faithfulbird20 loads of people think its virtuous to be busy - its the legacy of the old protestant work ethic/ the devil makes work for idle hands thing in combination with a fear people will think they're not popular/ don't have friends.

Of course saying that you're busy is often an excuse to avoid someone, but equally often nobody is trying to arrange to spend time together or asking for help - its often the old fashioned equivalent of "curating" a perfect life of Facebook - signalling that you're in demand and not lazy and a pillar of the community or whatever.

I found the less my relatives have to do, the harder they are to see because they are too busy doing very little so they vet very rigid about things like 'thats when i go to aldi, or thats when I go swimming'. I think they have so much time with nothing on they cant see why i shouldnt fit into their nothing time even though thats during my working week normally.
I do find with friends if they are too busy to see me three times, its probably not going to happen