DS (year 1) Won’t do Work at school

[MelG1983]

I have seen a couple of really older threads on similar topics but no solutions and no updated feedback.
I am so worried about my DS and don’t know where to turn next.
He is 5, almost 6 and is in year 1. For the whole of this year the teacher keeps telling us that he isn’t doing his work, mainly writing. He doesn’t even try. Just refuses to pick up his pencil.
In maths and reading he is a whizz and is working above his level in both. In writing he is so far behind (although I know he can do it if he tries to).
We’ve had a few conversations with his teacher, he’s lost play times (so he can catch up, and he then dies it pretty quickly), lost screen time etc. At home he loses screen time, extra treats and we’ve even put him to bed when he gets home (really harsh I know, please no Mammy bashing I feel bad enough as it is).
I really don’t know what to do next or where to turn to.
At home he is generally a pretty good kid.
Has anyone been in this situation and can offer any kind of guidance in what we can do next? I’m desperate.

I should have also said we’ve tried positive reinforcement too. Ignoring the bad and rewarding the good. We’ve bought him things, given loads of praise, phoning to tell grandparents, taken him on days out etc.

You need to be more supportive rather than “punishing” him. He’s 5. He will get there eventually. At this age he may lack the muscle tone in his hands to hold a pencil to write for any extended period. Does he enjoy drawing? That might help. But don’t push the writing if he is struggling so much. How’s his reading?

Does writing hurt him? I have hypermobility, and at that age all i knew was the writing hurt my hands and therefore I didn't want to do it. Even know, it hurts my hand to use certain pens/pencils, although i can put up with it if necessary.

Is he worried about making a mistake? Or knocking elbows with a lefthanded child sat to his right?

Do lots of things like playing with play dough, writing in flour, sticking sequin pictures, lacing beads to help strengthen muscles. Do daily colouring in, together, using pencil grips on the colouring pencils. Have it as a relaxing time when you can chat together. Punishment at home for refusing work at school at his age is very harsh, leave it to teachers to deal with school and you build on his strength and also obedience, but nicely.

At home he loses screen time, extra treats and we’ve even put him to bed when he gets home (really harsh I know, please no Mammy bashing I feel bad enough as it is) then stop! Your child doesn’t need disciplining and putting him to be is bordering on abusive.
Your ds is five academically there is nothing to worry about , all he needs to be doing is playing and being read to.
Please give your little boy a hug afterschool today and apologise to him.

I had same problem with my ds. He was good at reading but hated writing. Kept in to finish the task during breaks many times.

Things we did was quite simple. I followed the advice from teacher on MN, and did writing task everyday with him.

Gave him a topic, time 1 minute and let him write anything on paper. No worries about structure or spelling, purely concentrate on putting something on paper.
First few times he wasn't really able to write much, but after about a month, he was writing quite well. Then we increased the time to 3 minutes. We did it for about 6 months. Another factor was strengthening fine/gross motor skills through activities.

Transformation was quite remarkable.
Once he has gained confidence in writing, he excelled with it.

Can he explain why he doesn't like writing?

@Greenandcabbagelooking

Does writing hurt him? I have hypermobility, and at that age all i knew was the writing hurt my hands and therefore I didn't want to do it. Even know, it hurts my hand to use certain pens/pencils, although i can put up with it if necessary.

Is he worried about making a mistake? Or knocking elbows with a lefthanded child sat to his right?

Came on here to say this. Writing really hurt my hands and still does. I hated it so so much but was totally ignored and told I was lying.

My son was a lot like this, although in part it was related to his special needs. We did lots of work building his confidence with writing and building muscle in his hands. But I did also ask his teacher to send home work if he was messing around/refusing and I made him do it during what would have been iPad time after school. I sat with him 1:1 and insisted he do it properly. Not as a punishment, not as a big “thing”, just if you won’t do it at school then you’ll have to do it at home because it needs doing. Within a week teacher reported he was trying his best in class, and the more he did the better he got. Still not his favourite activity, but he does enough.

Dial down your emotional response, stop overreacting (bed straight after school is ridiculous) and support him to do the work. He’s five.

Agree with all the above posters.

Actually physically being able to write is a massive thing.

Anything you can do to help that is going to be good.

Second issue is getting into the habit of just writing for a short period.

The idea of writing anything, for a minute, and having it praised, not corrected works on two levels: physically and psychologically.

But, yes, playdoh, drawing, etc.: all this helps.

It's actually pretty hard to hold and manipulate a pencil, for a sustained period, when you first start.

Both of my kids hate writing. Interestingly, they are both left handed.

I would encourage you and your DC school to work to your DC strengths. If the objective of the work is hand writing practice then obviously it needs to be hand written. However, if the objective is to come up with a story, comprehension etc my DC teachers get them to write it on the computer. They are much quicker doing it this way.

He's only 5

Also agree to stop the punishing. It’ll come with time. He’s only 5, one of the younger ones in his year. Writing is boring! Could you take him to WH Smith’s or similar and let him chose a handwriting book? Or a note book or diary, to lift his interest?

Honestly I’d stop stressing out about it, forcing the issue is probably making it worse.

Have you asked him why he doesn't want to do it?

Does it hurt?

Does someone kick him under the table during writing tasks?

Does he know how to hold a pencil?

Does he have control of the pencil or is it getting away from him?

I asked for no bashing as I’m low enough as it is. I am absolutely NOT abusive to my son and how dare you even suggest it.
You’re a bully. Im asking for help and yet you have got me sat here breaking my heart. My litttle boy knows he is very loved by us.

I did ask him this last night as he has lots of problems with his knees but he said not.
We did a writing task with him at home and he wrote a whole page of A4 in no time at all. I don’t think it’s that he can’t but more so that he won’t.

Yeah I think we’ll do more of this.
I mean we do lots of fine motor things, like play dough and he loves games so we play thinks like ludo with little pieces etc which he really enjoys.
I will try the short writing tasks for a set time and get him to choose topics he likes to try and turn the tide of him hating it.

I’ve sat down with him and said if there is a problem or if he is worried about anything I can help to support him. He just tells me it’s boring and he doesn’t want to do it. He’s been moved tables in class and sat with an adult etc so I can’t see if being who he is with. I’m just worried that he’ll start year 2 behind and it will become so much harder for him.

I’m asking for help for me and my son and I thank each of you who have come up with suggestions. This who have said that I am being too hard on him I already know that. Parenting doesn’t come with a manual which is why I asked for help. I probably won’t come back in as I am so upset and don’t want to be like this when he comes home.

I would just leave it for now and just have a nice time together no point bringing school work back home.

He'll soon get into the swing of it once he feels less pressure.

I bought a wipe down book from Usbourne where you write over letters, words, numbers and shapes and my DS and DD liked that a lot as it was fun

Also DS like going online on Alphablocks ?!? Something like that via CBBC website I think

My son couldn't write at 3/4/5/6/7. At 7.5 he started to write well and his writing at 8 is fantastic, as my friend told me it would be - she said boys muscles are not well enough developed until 7-8. Please don't punish him and push back on the school if they are expecting him to do something to a level which he isn't developmentally capable.

Please stop punishing your son, and stand up the school to stop them punishing him too. They should be inspiring him and motivating him, not making him mess break. He obviously finds writing hard, it could be a physical problem, he could have dyspraxia (which can affect planning what to write as well as the physical writing) you don't know the reason and to assume it's laziness is I think completely wrong. At this age I'm sure he is keen to please you and his teacher.

Honestly, it's practice: it's even practice of the unusual demand to sit still and write when you don't feel like writing, about something you may not even be very interested in.

Children learn loads of things at school, including the seemingly weird practice of having to do things they may not particularly feel like doing, at times not of their choosing.

We're old and inured to it - but it is quite weird.

He'll learn.

In the meantime, incentivising at home, in little chunks, is the way to go.

The Class Teacher is going to have a whole structure of auditing and data pressuring her for visible results. Sad but true. She can't afford to have an able child in her class not producing visible, auditable results. And, for her, I guess it's also a behaviour and discipline issue.

That's the impetus for the sanction-driven approach she's taking.

It's probably worth saying that, in some schools, such an approach I. Year 1 would be a massive no-no. Some schools just don't permit withdrawal of play-time.

So it's probably worth taking a very different, rewards-based approach at home.

And it absolutely is worth talking to your son about why. The answers won't come quickly - it takes time. But he's the only one who knows.

It honestly could be anything. He might find the teacher a bit scary. He might just like day-dreaming, or talking to a friend. It really could be the child opposite him kicking him under the table.

My daughter started a new school and her maths went downhill. Turned out, it was a child on her table kicking her in class!!

He's very small.

And I've noticed that some children just don't settle down to writing/completing work until later. Then suddenly (end of year 4) it all goes 'bang' and suddenly they're on task. So it really can just be about maturing into the demands of school.

In the meantime, you have a bright child, who is learning. So you really can celebrate the positives, and smile about the fact you're doing OK as a parent.

(I'm guessing that part of all this is because it's making you question yourself as a parent. You don't need to. It's OK.)

Just put it out of your mind and focus on being a happy family at home and both of you forget school work for the time being till he starts the new year in September.

Just enjoy life for now at home

Does he refuse to do anything else? We have a child who started refusing to write in year 2 because he was told (by girls - their writing is usually better at this age) that his writing was “scribble”. So he stopped. For a whole year. He refused to do any English. It was very stressful. Year 3 we switched to computer and taught him to touch type.

Your son is too young for touch typing but it could be a real trigger. I know how stressful it is (I have been there!) but try to be gentle with him and let him be for a month or so (maybe for rest of term). Writing is really only secretarial. Keep up his reading. Get him to write little lists. Keep up dexterity in other ways. Get him to do Lego - all that sort of stuff.