Sort of a TAAT - housekeeper

[Justletmebuyahouse]

A reply I wrote on a thread about a cleaner made me realise that although I had a cleaner once for a short time and it didn’t work out - what I really need is a housekeeper. Not quite as grand as it sounds because they wouldn’t live in but more than a cleaner. Something in between the two.

I have ADHD and struggle hugely with anything to do with household tasks such as laundry, ironing, general tidying, all cleaning, food shopping etc. I don’t even get to the stage of thinking about cleaning really until it gets too bad and I have to blitz the place.

Even without the issue of ADHD - between working just under 35 hours (I know it’s nothing compared to some) and the kids needing to be here, there and everywhere keeping the house in some semblance of order is just so difficult.

So I’m trying to think if I could pass over any tasks to someone else to make life easier what would they be?

Dealing with clean laundry (possibly wet but never dirty) - so hanging it up inside or outside to dry and putting some away.
Ironing the kids (2 of) uniforms for the week.
Changing the bedding.
Weekly food shopping would absolutely change my life!

Can anyone think of anything else? Would 3/4 hours per week be enough for all of that? Possibly not if food shopping is included I suppose.

I’m just trying to decide if paying someone to do that feels like a good investment. We are not in any way wealthy and our house is very small so it feels a bit silly but it would just help me so much.

4 hours for the cleaning and tidying. Ironing and more organising would be more. You might find someone that would do 3 hour sesh twice a week. In the old days, it was called 'a woman wot does'

Well I’m certainly a woman wot doesn’t!!

Have you looked into online shopping? I get a weekly order from Tesco and it’s bloody fantastic! Shopping is now a 10-15 minute job to select what I want, and I normally get it delivered when DH is home so he can put it away, but even that only takes 10-15 minutes as well.

In terms of the laundry I would image that would add on an extra 1.5 hours to a regular weekly clean. So maybe 3 hours per week would cover it if you don’t need an absolute perfect clean every week.

I used to do house cleaning for neighbours as a teenager and as I was paid a decent hourly rate I was MORE than happy to do a bit of ironing and tidying (and even childcare) during the time I spent there. I’m sure you could find a flexible person to help you out.

I advertised for a "home help" rather than a cleaner. She doesn't do the shopping but does plenty of sorting, tidying, getting the bedding through the wash etc.

I have dyspraxia and really struggle with keeping the house organised so she makes a huge difference. She does 4 hours a week but it is a big 5 bed (4 children!).

She doesn't do the shopping but we get a big fruit and veg box and most of the rest is a repeat order with the supermarket plus and extras we need that week .

Nb she started working for me when we had a very small house and tbh was even more of a help as there was no where to "hide" the chaos so I don't think getting help for a small house is silly.

My cleaner comes for 4 hours a week and - if I ask her to or time permits - she will do all of those things save for food shopping. I use ‘Ocado Reserved’ for my food shopping which automatically reserves me the same delivery slot each week and the only thing I have to do is remember to adjust the order before the cut-off.

I’ve had spells where I’ve managed to do an online shop fairly regularly for a while but it always just falls by the way side. I don’t think I’m ever going to be the type of person who is organised enough to do it every week consistently unfortunately. As ridiculous as it is I know

Laundry I am fine with the actual washing and hanging up/out it’s mainly just the putting away that I struggle with so even an hour or so per week should be enough to make a dent in the clean washing mountain that’s currently living on the sofa and some time spent doing other things too.

Home help sounds pretty much like what I need. It’s embarrassing really to admit that I struggle with these basic things but it’s reality for me and it’s a viscous cycle because the more there is to do the less I am able to do.

I’d need to find someone I could really trust. Someone who isn’t going to bat an eyelid if they come in and the sink is piled with dishes (whether or not they’d agree to wash them is another story) or there’s 12 pairs of shoes lying in the porch.

I can’t explain how much easier my life would be if someone ironed the children’s school uniform and sorted the food shop for us. They’re such silly, stupid things that take a couple of hours out of the week but yet I’d rather put it off and have to iron/go to the supermarket daily.

I did send the ironing away a few times but I prefer the idea of it just being done here then I don’t need to wait for it coming back.

I had cleaners who also ironed while they were at the house.

I think having a smaller house makes it harder as there's nowhere to hide anything, well I found it harder and I'm a natural tidier
I'd set up online shopping and ask them to do it online for you at your house to save time. You'd have to do a list anyway
I'd love a job like this where you can see what you've achieved
Where do you live?

That is such a good idea getting them to do the online shop! I know how ridiculous it is that I never seem to manage to stick to doing it myself

OP I work quite in a demanding career and I have this home help. It makes a massive difference. I have 2 DC with loads of activities etc and a busy life. My cleaner / housekeeper tidies, hangs out and folds all the laundry, irons and does the odd bit of childcare, sewing and mending etc.
It makes a big differences to my life, I wouldn’t have time to keep on top of everything otherwise.

My DH does all the food shopping and most of the cooking. He also has a demanding job.

I am one of these Mary Poppins people! I don’t do the weekly shop. But I do the washing , ironing and put away. Clean. Hoover. Look after the animals. Anything really. I’m part of the family and have been here for over six years. It’s like having another house to look after and I love it.

If u need someone like that then get them. I would love for someone to come to my house and do all the things I do at work.

I can’t bring myself to speak to my husband about this. He’ll have a fit

Self employed cleaner here.. I have had a new customer since last August who gets exactly what you need! Currently working 6 hours a week for her. Shopping /collecting meds /washing /bit of gardening /bit of paperwork /appointment making etc. Going well tbh. She has a few mh issues and slight mobility ones also. We get along great!!

Don't beat yourself up.

I have ADHD, don't go out to work, don't have kids and still struggle with housework and garden.

It's evolved so that DH does the shopping, the veg is delivered as a mystery box and a milkman comes. DH also puts all the clothes away...

I do a lot of cooking, occasional big shops and a bit of cleaning. I run my business too but DH does the mundane admin for it. He's been really good, not that he wasn't before, but he understands better since my diagnosis.

The house is still a mess but that's because I only do what I can do and drift through the day a fair bit! It's very unmumsnettian!

ADHDwise do a really good course for adults on being a tad more organised! I did it a couple of times and it did help. I still use a whiteboard and try to concentrate on one big thing a day.

Hats off to you if you manage kids, school runs and work with ADHD.

About the laundry - some of it could be done by you but things that need ironing, you could outsource to a service that does ironing like a local laundrette or dry cleaning place that can collect dirty laundry, do large loads of every type of thing but will also iron what needs ironing and deliver it back to you.
Is there such a service near you?

I've never really managed to hold down a FT job. Double kudos, I missed that bit the first time...

Friend of mine is cook/housekeeper in a large house. She would normally work 3-4 mornings a week and shops, cooks what she shops: prepares meals for the fridge or freezer for later in the week, bakes - cakes, bread, pies, pastries. She also does washing and ironing, makes beds, sorts rooms out for guests (they have a lot of visitors when not in lockdown), orders flowers etc, and overseas the cleaner (directs cleaner depending which rooms are used, and also ensures the silverware or the brass etc is cleaned on a regular basis). She also deals with the post, files the bills and records them on the household system for their bookkeeper/accountant lady.

@Justletmebuyahouse

That is such a good idea getting them to do the online shop! I know how ridiculous it is that I never seem to manage to stick to doing it myself

I have a weekly shop set up with Ocado Unless I want to make changes they just deliver it every week without me having to do anything

I would definitely get someone to help.

The struggle is real. People think the struggles of adhd are laziness and childishness but that's not it at all.

It's embarrassing every single time I have to spell it out to people what I can and can't do.

I'd love a woman wot does. Or a man or other, wot does. Anyone wot does!

My mum helps. But I have a partner wot doesn't, too. It's so hard. Both kids are wot doesn't.

I’ve had similar before but I had 2 hours 5 days a week. Small house and small babies and I was working so many hours as was DH. It was enough time to come in and tidy from the last 24 hours, clean the house bit by big over the week, a load of washing a day, and cook a simple meal or heavily prepare dinner for us to cook later. Sadly don’t have her anymore but at that time of my life she was essential to keeping things on track.

I have a housekeeper every morning for 5 hours a day. I’ve had this for at least the last 15 years. She does all washing all ironing all bed changing all hoovering all cleaning. Doesn’t food shop but I do it online and she puts it away. Big house, 4 kids (well only 2 left at home now), full time professional job with a fair amount of evening and weekend working. When I’m not working I have no interest in washing and cleaning and nor does she so We pay got that to be dealt with and instead can spend quality time with each other and the kids. I couldn’t care less what anyone else thinks, it works for us. You do what works for you!

Yes that’s what I need @30degreesandmeltinghere - couldn’t justify 6 hours per week though I don’t think.

Thanks @Wombat24 it’s actually helpful to hear from someone else in a similar situation. My husband is also very supportive like yours. Not because he’s particularly understanding and kind but because he knows that if he doesn’t do things they just won’t get done. He works absolutely manic hours though and can’t do everything. I’ll look into that course thanks - I haven’t heard of ADHDwise.

I’ll look into that @LookItsMeAgain - I’m more than happy to be putting stuff in the machine and will often have days where I do 3/4 loads of washing but other times the same load will stay wet in the machine for days just being rinsed and rinsed over again. Clean stuff ends up sitting around in baskets or piles for weeks though then inevitably ends up on the floor needing to be washed again because I lose track of whether it’s clean or dirty