Sort of a TAAT - housekeeper

[Justletmebuyahouse]

A reply I wrote on a thread about a cleaner made me realise that although I had a cleaner once for a short time and it didn’t work out - what I really need is a housekeeper. Not quite as grand as it sounds because they wouldn’t live in but more than a cleaner. Something in between the two.

I have ADHD and struggle hugely with anything to do with household tasks such as laundry, ironing, general tidying, all cleaning, food shopping etc. I don’t even get to the stage of thinking about cleaning really until it gets too bad and I have to blitz the place.

Even without the issue of ADHD - between working just under 35 hours (I know it’s nothing compared to some) and the kids needing to be here, there and everywhere keeping the house in some semblance of order is just so difficult.

So I’m trying to think if I could pass over any tasks to someone else to make life easier what would they be?

Dealing with clean laundry (possibly wet but never dirty) - so hanging it up inside or outside to dry and putting some away.
Ironing the kids (2 of) uniforms for the week.
Changing the bedding.
Weekly food shopping would absolutely change my life!

Can anyone think of anything else? Would 3/4 hours per week be enough for all of that? Possibly not if food shopping is included I suppose.

I’m just trying to decide if paying someone to do that feels like a good investment. We are not in any way wealthy and our house is very small so it feels a bit silly but it would just help me so much.

@Hoppinggreen I’ve seen others on MN saying their do similar but surely you don’t have the same meals every week? Or do you just have loads of staples already and order meat/chicken etc without it having to really think about actual meals?

I have a tiny house but have a cleaner who also does the ironing, changes the sheets etc. It's fantastic. When I wasn't working from home she'd also hang (non personal) washing out if I put it in the machine before I went to work. It really makes such a difference to how my house feels.

Re online shopping: I don't have a reservation system but asda lets you reorder a previous shop: could you have a three week rotation and set an alarm for when you're reliably near your phone and just reorder? I'd do it during swimming lessons or something or set it for an evening I was generally home.

@SisterMonicaJoansHabit it honestly is just so hard. I get so angry with myself and I want to be different and medication has helped significantly but I’m still not quite ‘there’. ADHD is such a shit one too because there’s just not much help out there for us. After posting this the other night I actually discovered there’s finding out there for things like this for people with disabilities but I’d feel like an absolute fraud trying to claim something like that. Plus we aren’t on the breadline or anything but certainly not your typical family that would even have a cleaner. I think it would involve a social services referral too which I don’t even want to think about.

@Delphigirl my god 5 hours a day would be absolutely amazing! If I could afford it I absolutely would!

@Gladioli23 she sounds great!

Good idea with the online shopping I should really look into how I could make it easier for myself. The mental load of planning meals, what do I need for them - it’s just so hard. It would probably take someone at least a couple of hours to do a shop in the supermarket for me with travelling so not very economical!

Would gousto or hello fresh be any help?

With gousto you just choose meals on the app and the right amount of all ingredients are measured out for you and delivered to make the meal you selected? Its not cheap but probably the same as getting someone else to do it for you. Even two nights a week of this would cut down your mental load.

I think if meal planning and shopping is a real chore for you I would probably:

1. Decide how long a rotation I needed not to go mad - some things I would happily eat every week others not so much.
2. Then dedicate a Saturday and plan out those meals and everything I needed for them.
3. To make life easier I would probably aim for 2 meals a week of v easy teas - eggy bread, or jacket potatoes or cheese on toast or whatever if that wasn't going to cause too much upset.
4. I'd then set up a shop for each week in the rotation - including breakfast and lunch stuff and do an order that covered it off.
5. I'd probably also buy a delivery pass for my supermarket of choice so then in addition to the weekly shops I could do a once a month shop of bulky items that I might not need every week - e.g. I buy fusilli 5kg at a time, I don't need to buy loo roll weekly etc. I'd accept that I needed to do that one shop based on what was out of stock.
6. Depending on loft space you can make life easier with spares of store cupboard ingredients: i basically have a spare or 3 of everything from bread flour to pasta to tomato puree to cooking chocolate. Then the things that don't fit with an "every week" purchasing schedule don't cause chaos when they run out because I have a buffer in the loft.

Obviously it might not work for you but although I don't have any kind of diagnosis I have a lot of techniques which I use to stop my disorganisation causing issues. I can't actually abide planned meal rotations as I won't feel like what I have planned so I have a huge array of store cupboard ingredients, lots of different frozen veg and keep a good range of meat etc frozen. Then I can just defrost whatever I want.

I also keep those (eco-crime) foil takeaway containers in. I make leftovers at the same time of cooking (especially of e.g. a pasta bake). Freeze before baking and then can extract from the freezer the day before and avoid cooking.

I really feel for you. I am pretty sure I have ADHD ( my son and dad both do). It can be so hard at times. I’m much worse under stress or when routines change. Luckily organisation is ( now) not so bad for me but distractions and not finishing are a nightmare. It must be very challenging to organise and run a household if you are severely impacted by ADHD characteristics, especially if working too.

I work 30 hours per week and we have a lady who works 10 hours. She cleans, irons, changes bedding, launders, does ‘spring cleaning’ jobs like cleaning out fridges. Our house is quite big and 10 hours covers it, and she has time for a cuppa and a chat. I still have to try, Hoover etc. And if we are all home I’m still endlessly in the kitchen but she’s a huge help and vastly improves our quality of life.

If you can afford it, go for it!

When I met dh, he had a cleaner who did his ironing, and hung up the clothes in his wardrobe, and changed the sheets. He had a washer/dryer and washed one load the evening before she was due and she popped all the cleaning cloths in the wash before she left (which he dumped on the side the following week when he put his wash on).

It’s generally easier to strike these arrangements with an independent cleaner than with an agency.

I was just thinking today how my parents never really had to do the household and parenting organisation stuff on top of their full time jobs - I have no model for how this stuff really works without help, and I hate routines. My DH’s mum was a SAHP and a bit of a control freak and did it all fir him and his family. Neither of us have excellent role models for equal household domestic labour. Urgh.

My gran (mum’s mum) basically fulfilled a housekeeper role - all the laundry, from washing basket to drying to ironing to putting away, all the tidying and wiping round and bits of washing up through the day, everyday hoovering, all the ferrying us kids to after school activities. Pulling the weeds in the front to keep it respectably tidy, washing the windows. She hated not being useful, There was a cleaner too once a week but the general chores my gran handled. Letting in tradesmen, whatever. She interfered something chronic, obviously, and so it’s not stress-free but just my parents never worried about fitting this everyday stuff in. They worked hard, and longish hours, but were lucky in lots of ways.

We just muddle through haphazardly with no good systems. I’d bloody love a housekeeper!

These replies have been really helpful tonight. Thanks everyone. Even just talking about it spurred me on to do an online shop. I know I probably won’t manage to keep it up regularly but at least this week is sorted. Baby steps and all that! Morrison’s have only just started delivering here so it was a bit more interesting ordering from them rather than the usual Tesco or Asda. It’s taken me all of that time since my last post though!

I made a list of everything I added and called it ‘week 1’ so that hopefully I can do a couple more with different meals in each one and it really will be just a case of clicking ‘order’.

Discovered when researching the Hello Fresh etc that Morrison’s also do these! £10 per meal for 4 which seems reasonable enough! I didn’t see 5 we would have eaten though as we are fussy so went with the proper food shop this week instead but I’ll definitely keep checking back and could maybe do a combination of both sometimes.

You have no idea how helpful these replies have been to me. Hearing from others who also struggle with ADHD in particular.

People who have the type of service that I’m looking for - it does really sound like it takes a huge weight off so I’m going to try and suss out who I could approach locally. I agree that it’s probably not an agency I’m after. Possibly an actual home help for the elderly type person which is embarrassing. I’m 31.

I agree that it’s easier to make those arrangement privately than with an agency. A big issue for me is finding an individual I trust and who I can build up a relationship with. Couldn’t cope with new people coming and going via an agency. We had the same lady for eight years, and she was like part of our family. Took three goes to find someone similar this time around. We now have a lovely older lady. Bonus is that she’d a qualified florist and makes the very most of the cut flowers from our garden, for us and to take over to her own mum

Our friends had a housekeeper who used to do much of what is listed by people here:washing, bed changing, cooking, and paperwork organising. Biggish house and I think she did about 16 hours a week. They found someone by advertising in The Lady, which seems so old fashioned, but I guess is exactly the right market!

[quote Justletmebuyahouse]@Hoppinggreen I’ve seen others on MN saying their do similar but surely you don’t have the same meals every week? Or do you just have loads of staples already and order meat/chicken etc without it having to really think about actual meals?[/quote]
We have similar meals - so for example one week I could use the chicken I order for a curry and the next week Mexican.
I spend about 30 minutes a couple of days before delivery taking anything out I don’t want and adding things I do but that aren’t on the “master list”
It saves hours of my time

Coming back to this thread to report that after hitting breaking point this week I spoke to my husband and we agreed to give this a try.

We can probably only afford around 4/5 hours per week but it’s better than nothing.

Now just to find someone! I’m pretty adamant it’s not a cleaner I want - although maybe a one man band type cleaner could work but I’m not an agency.

I really don’t want to resort to Facebook because I don’t want people knowing.

I have always had luck on gumtree over the years. Set up a new gmail address, set out a clear spec of what you want and don’t want and the hourly rate, make clear you will only hire someone with proof of the right to work in uk, ask for a cv and references, then read what comes in with a very critical eye. You should get lots of replies in the first couple of days. Interview the one who looks best on paper first, and if they are good enough, and the reference stacks up, hire them. Send a message to all others saying “position filled”.

Voila. Enjoy!

I didn’t realise you had a husband.

Why is all this on your shoulders?

Stupid question but how do I make an anonymous gmail account? What would I use for the name etc?

I do have a husband and it’s embarrassing how much he does in the house as well as working absolutely ridiculous hours. He physically couldn’t do any more than he does

Just set up a gmail called “[email protected]” or whatever.