Anyone else find having a cleaner stressful?

[Yellowbowlbanana]

I know this is a first world problem so apologies in advance. I started working full time 2 months ago and with 4 DC along with pets I thought it would be good to get a cleaner. However, I really hate it and find the whole experience so stressful. I thought it would get better over time but it hasn't. I spend my whole evening the night before tidying up so the cleaner can clean but I still cringe with embarrassment at the mess. It's expensive and I don't feel she does a great job. Dh is keen to persevere as it does free some time at the weekends but ultimately I could spend the time I have to tidy by doing the cleaning myself. Has anyone else felt like this? Will I regret it if I let her go?

What I've learned about having a cleaner is that you need to make it clear which jobs are a priority. Its better to have the important jobs done to a high standard, then have the whole house done and feel dissatisfied.

My cleaner knows that the bathrooms, kitchen and lounge are the only rooms I really need doing. I can manage bedrooms / hall/ office myself.

I've had cleaners intermittently and haven't had them since Dec 2019. I was another who wanted to put things away first so that took time. I'm also pretty good at it when I have time. In the end it was probably less the cleaners (though they did go early....) and more that I found it really disruptive having two of them in the house with me often working at home. We're at the stage at the moment where I could do with someone brilliant doing it once a month - for me, weekly is too much and I know that's really what works best for them.

You need to relax a bit, definitely don't do pre-cleaning and get a different cleaner. When they first arrive do give them detailed instructions on how exactly you like things done

My cleaner has been with me for the last twenty years so she's more like a friend. I always ensure things are relatively tidy as I want her to spend her time cleaning, not tidying but I don't pre-clean anything except always ensure the loo is clean. I'm disabled and would be lost without her.

However if you don't think your cleaner does a good job maybe it's time to find a new one.

I don't want my cleaner to tidy in the four hours she gets. I want her to clean. Having her come pushes me to tidy up so that she can focus on cleaning.

I'm with an agency so some are better than others but overall it has saved me spending so many hours cleaning and is a push to tidy up at least once a week.

If you are not happy with the job she does get another one but also decide what the time needs to be spent doing. I had one cleaner who liked ironing (which I hate) so she did that and I did more cleaning. You are buying a service. Be clear what service you want - cleaning, tidying , ironing, washing etc and employ someone to do it.

Thanks @BalladOfBarryAndFreda

Sounds like you need a different cleaner.
I do hate the tidying before but it also makes me do it which is good as I'm the type of person who doesn't notice clutter. I make the kids do their own rooms.
One of the things I'd consider in your position is "clutter baskets". Just get box per person in the house and put all the clutter into the persons box then make them put it away. It will save you time.
Or put one per room and say to the cleaner to put stuff in it - will save you a bit of tidying stress

IMO it's only worth having a cleaner if you already have a pretty clean and tidy house that's in good decorative order. It's just a waste of money otherwise as it never looks good (or not for long enough).

I'm in a horrific muddle at the moment and it would just add to my stress. In the past after I've had a huge purge and been able to clean properly I've loved having a cleaner as the house was gleaming all the time as I could keep on top of it during the week and she would deep clean it for me.

Focus on decluttering op and what storage you need to prevent it becoming a massive mess. I could do with children (and a husband) that put their own clothes away.....

Also agree with a robot hoover. Literally life changing in my house.

I loved having a cleaner. I always tidied before they came, it wasn't their job. The more time they have to spend tidying, the less time they have to clean. Cleaning and tidying are two separate things. Maybe a housekeeper would be better for you.

My cleaner does all the floors - vacume/mop.
She changes the bed linen (I launder the sheets as she is only there a few hours).
She irons what I leave out - I mostly just fold.
She occasionally does windows.
Garden work depending on weather (this is actually her favourite job & she would spend the day in the garden if she could),
She cleans all the bathrooms. I never tidy before she comes, but I put away kit and toys as they appear... mostly.

So floors, bathrooms and beds changed are her core jobs. As we have a dog as well, this regular cleaning is fabulous.

She does windows an odd time. We value her highly, she takes a lot of pressure off the house and puts none on.
(Same cleaner 8 years, she's like family)

I don't understand your logic that you could spend the time you do tidying, just doing the cleaning yourself. Surely if you need to tidy so the cleaner can clean, you'd need to spend the same amount of time tidying so you can clean too? So you're still saving the actual cleaning time.

That being said, if she doesn't do a good job/ you don't find it helpful, either change cleaner or stop it.

A poor cleaner (unreliable, misses obvious things etc) is, IME, stressful. When you get good one, it's a boon.

Make everyone in the family tidy up though - the day before the cleaners come my DC have to tidy their rooms and the sitting room etc. I tidy the kitchen (all the papers and crap dumped on the counter), and our bedroom. DH does any other random bits.

We have a combination of cleaners 3 hours per week, and (in normal times) a nanny (in reality a local university student) who does a couple of pick ups a week, feeds children a snack, hears their music practice, listens to them read, makes sure they have a shower, and then cooks and feeds them supper and tidies that away). When I appear after work on these 2 days the children are all clean, fed, and in PJs. It's great.

Your problem is your cleaner. Find another.

Our wonderful cleaner tidies and cleans and changes beds and generally makes the house livable in. If she's got time she does random lovely and unexpected things. Last week she cleaned the fridge and a couple of weeks before that organised DSs horribly messy bookcase so he could actually see his books properly rather than having them all flung on. I do not ask her to do either of those things. She's also completely laid back about teenagers room ( possibly helped by face she has dd almost exactly same age).

I truly value her, paid her in full all through lockdown last year and was delighted to see her back.

She's the very opposite of stressful and when I apologise always says that without people like me ( presumably very messy very busy people) she would be out of a job)

When my DC were younger and I worked full time I had an after school nanny who also did the DC's laundry and a cleaner. I tidied a little before the cleaner came but not much. It all helped enormously and freed up my time so that it could be spent with the kids rather angrily charging around with a hoover and mop at the weekends.

Yep, I found it stressful and we no longer have one. It wasn’t worth it for me. I didn’t like having someone I don’t really know in the house - but also I had two bad experiences, one broke something and tried to hide it from me (not because I’m scary I might add, and not because it was expensive either, it was a bathroom thing that cost about £4. Tbh I only noticed because she’d missed a bit of glass and I stepped on it 😑) and the other one bullshitted about how long she’d been at the house - she never met my husband, so she didn’t realise she’d walked past him when leaving an hour early 🤬 and she was a recommendation from a neighbour!

Before anyone makes a comment about not trusting cleaners - my mum was a cleaner for years, I’d go to work with her sometimes if I was off school, so it’s not that I don’t trust cleaners in general, I just don’t trust my own judgement when employing one…also I think it’s partly the feeling of someone being in my house and possibly judging me 😑