Anyone else find having a cleaner stressful?

[Yellowbowlbanana]

I know this is a first world problem so apologies in advance. I started working full time 2 months ago and with 4 DC along with pets I thought it would be good to get a cleaner. However, I really hate it and find the whole experience so stressful. I thought it would get better over time but it hasn't. I spend my whole evening the night before tidying up so the cleaner can clean but I still cringe with embarrassment at the mess. It's expensive and I don't feel she does a great job. Dh is keen to persevere as it does free some time at the weekends but ultimately I could spend the time I have to tidy by doing the cleaning myself. Has anyone else felt like this? Will I regret it if I let her go?

This is what puts me off of having a cleaner! I would love to have a tidier and someone to do my laundry though.

I have a cleaner. She cleans WAY better than me (I am a crap cleaner). She changed sheets, hoovers, mops floors,
Cleans bathroom
And kitchen surfaced. She does it in an hour. She’s amazing. My rule is that nothing ever gets thrown away unless it’s in a bin. After she’s been I feel happy.

Don't be afraid to ask for specific jobs. She may be doing stuff that doesn't especially show week to week such as limescale on taps
or jobs that you don't worry about ( I love my cleaners when they send a team who make a good job of the shower doors, for example, but ny husband doesn't rate that particular team as he is much more interested in floors and couldn't care less about shower doors)
Next time leave a note that you'd like the bathroom floor mopped. She may have thought it looked okay or she ran out of time because she'd spent more time on the oven or something.
Think about what would really help you OP.
Maybe do upstairs one week, downstairs the next so you can tidy up just that part before she comes? Or get her to change all the beds? After 2 months back at work you know what would really help you and your family the most.

I tidy up for ages the day before cleaners come and I love the feeling that once a fortnight the whole place is clean and tidy and smells nice. Massive effort on one day but if I didn't do it it would never be calm and peaceful at all.

I don't understand why cleaners can't or won't tidy up within reason. I obviously can see that they don't necessarily know where everything goes, and they can't really reorganize or discard much stuff but surely a bit of basic tidying would be possible? It sounds exhausting to be tidying and stressing before this person comes who's supposed to be taking work off your shoulders.

@WorraLiberty

No. I don't tidy up before she comes, it's what I pay the cleaner for.

I've never had a cleaner so apologies for daft question but aren't they there to clean, rather than tidy up?

This?

I had a great cleaner who was brilliant and worth the hassle - I did used to tidy up, because we are messy and I wanted to pay her to clean, not tidy. She hardly needed to be told anything and my house was cleaner than it's ever been! Then she started sending her husband instead, who needed telling almost everything. Soon after that Covid hit, my DH was between jobs and didn't know how quickly he'd get another one, so we put him on hold. We don't really want anyone else in the house still (younger people not yet vaccinated here). Over the 16 months we've got used to it being less clean and it doesn't bother us. DH can do more as he's mostly wfh. We are enjoying spending the money on a nice takeaway or meal out/at home, or stuff for the garden. I think you have to be quite relaxed for this to work, and there is always frenzied hoovering if someone's coming round. But I don't miss the night-before tidying!

Yeah. This is why i don't have one.

OP I had a cleaning business when my children were small.

I cleaned in the main for professional people who had no children and were out of their homes for long hours so the tidying up was minimal and I could do what I was really paid for which was to clean.

One client - a lady in her fifties who lived alone in a tiny but pristine house asked me if I would clean for her daughter who had five children and a large untidy smelly house.

I went there twice a week. I found the task almost impossible since the place was always in a terrible mess and the kitchen in particular was filthy.
She expected so much of me, but if the place had been a bit tidier I could have done more.

Years later when I had a cleaner I remembered my own experience and made sure there was no washing up in the sink, and bins emptied and washing in the basket. I made the beds before she arrived and I cleaned my own bedroom.
I asked her to clean the children's rooms, the hall landing and stairs, bathroom and toilet and living room and kitchen. I did not expect her to tidy up or have to do anything which would stop her from doing her job
I knew how hard it was to clean my house and I paid her a decent wage.
I always paid her, never forgetting to leave the money as some of my old clients did which was unforgiveable.
I also told her if she ran out of time, not to worry as I knew how hard she worked.

When I came home from work on a Friday and walked in to a clean house I was so happy.
Cleaners are not there to judge you. They get on with the job.

Tell your cleaner what you expect her to do and don't leave it to her to decide.
You know what you want and you should say so.
My clients would leave notes if they wanted anything specific done.
Communication is the key. When there is none and no feedback people get disgruntled.

I had to leave the dirty house as I could not stand going there. I found out she had had a succession of cleaners all of who walked.

If your cleaner is cutting corners it is because you are not pulling her on it.
A good cleaner is like gold and better than any tonic for hard working people.

We have a lot of washing and to keep on top of that feels like a full-time job in itself.

Pay for someone to do that instead. Collect, wash, dry, fold and deliver back to you. Same price as a cleaner and less frantic tidying and intrusion.

It sounds like you have a bad cleaner. You may feel differently with a good one.

We have a fairly new cleaner after my old one moved away. It takes time for them to get to know your house and how you like things done - can be a bit frustrating in the early days.

I'd never leave mess around as she is there to clean, not tidy, and I think it would be quite disrespectful to her if I did leave mess everywhere if I'm honest.

I always make sure her money is paid on time each week.

I love having a cleaner - give it time.

I’m thinking about getting a cleaner - is it ok to ask them to do the washing up/unload dishwasher? The dishes are something we really struggle to keep on top of, and it interferes with being able to clean the kitchen surfaces...

Same here mine comes once a fortnight four hours but I run around cleaning the bath, toilet emptying the bathroom bin and dishwasher and putting washing away. So she doesn't think I'm a total slattern which I so am. Then on the morning it's making sure all the toys and shit are put away it's so stressful. But it saves me so much time plus I hate cleaning I'm shit at it and it's just so boring.

It sounds like you need a new cleaner... the day mine comes is my favourite day of the week

Get a different cleaner. It takes time to find someone you're happy with

Time to get a new cleaner if you're not happy with the clean.
I have a cleaner for two hours every two weeks, I tidy up before she's comes as I want her to concentrate on cleaning not tidying.
I don't find it stressful, I love it when she's been, the relief that the house is all clean and tidy.

I find it quite useful - cleaner comes once a fortnight and it makes me tidy! I also tel my DD they don't get their room cleaned if it's not tidy.

Once a fortnight is just enough fir it not to all get out of control. I also empty all bins before she comes as well.

Ours is useless. I have given up trying to give guidance and suggestions. Instead of paying for the cleaner I am going to get extra childcare and use the time to clean myself. Cleaning is 100% easier than looking after a toddler.

I permanently hover between thinking our cleaners are worth it and getting rid of them. The worst thing is that we live in an open plan apartment and work from home, so we have to arrange our work schedules so that we can go out while they’re here. If we don’t, the noise, and the stress of hearing them bashing about and wondering what they’re breaking, is unbearable. This would be manageable if they turned up at the same time every week but they don’t. And the cleaning they do is far from stellar. In the end I keep them because better the devil you know.

I don't have a cleaner as I have time to do it myself and am a saddo who enjoys cleaning.

Of course people should tidy up before they come. It's a manky enough job as it is without leaving crap lying around for them to pick up. I agree it's disrespectful. How bad can it be to put stuff away before someone comes to clean your whole house!?

I love my cleaner and she tidies up our muddles too. She isn't as thorough as I would be but I've learnt to live with that as what she does i havent got to do.

I don't have a cleaner despite both of us working and full on with kids.

The reason is tidying is the most time-consuming part, yet only you know where things should go or be thrown etc. I never had a cleaner who could.. housekeep. That would require the person to live in.

Also find it ends up leading on to more, "oh must change that sheet...ran out of X" etc.

Actual cleaning (hoovering, mopping, polishing, loos) is a therapeautic doodle and very quick in comparison. So you might as well do the whole lot yourself (shared with DH). But maybe others have a totally different cleaning standard to me.

I do tidy before my cleaner comes as she doesn’t know where things go and I’d rather she spent her time cleaning than looking for places to put things. We’ve had a number of cleaners over the years and some are better than others. Though it is very rare, ime, to find one who cleans your home as thoroughly as you do (nooks and crannies of shower cubicles, skirtings etc), even if you give itemised lists of what you want and keep giving feedback. I’ve learned to let my standards slip slightly and accept that my house is clean enough but I get those 4hrs a week to myself and I do a monthly/6 weekly ish deeper clean to scrub the bits she misses. It works for us.

If it isn’t working for you, don’t do it.

@PattyPan

I’m thinking about getting a cleaner - is it ok to ask them to do the washing up/unload dishwasher? The dishes are something we really struggle to keep on top of, and it interferes with being able to clean the kitchen surfaces...

You can ask. Some will, some won’t but the worst that will happen is that they say no at interview and you keep looking

My cleaner changes all of our beds, puts a load of washing on, takes the load that I time to finish just before she arrives out, washes up, tidies up our bedrooms, vacuums, polishes, mops and does bathroom. She also cleans the fridge every week and chooses an area to deep clean.

I wouldn't be without her