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What makes you an alcoholic?

37 replies

Bobothemojo · 24/06/2021 20:13

Talking with some friends. We all usually drink at weekends but the not in the week. No one drinks more than the recommended units per week.

I commented that I 'needed' a drink mid week last week after a stressful day and friend reckons this verges on alcoholic behaviour. I suppose what I meant was I wanted one , I could have gone without but was absolutely using it as a means to relax and switch off.

I enjoy alcohol but that doesn't make me an alcoholic does it Confused

OP posts:
Bryonyshcmyony · 24/06/2021 20:16

My sibling is an actual alcoholic, so what you've said is actually a bit irritating. Of course it doesn't make you an alcoholic.

prettyvisitor · 24/06/2021 20:19

I would say there is a whole spectrum of alcoholism. My DH could not give up alcohol, he drinks at least 4 nights a week and way over the recommended units so I would definitely say he's a functioning alcoholic. He's clearly not as bad as a friend of ours who drinks vodka daily and starts at 11am though.

Howshouldibehave · 24/06/2021 20:23

No one drinks more than the recommended units per week

No. You are not an alcoholic.

traumatisednoodle · 24/06/2021 20:24

Using alcohol to switch off isn't great especially mid-week

Northernsoullover · 24/06/2021 20:25

People get too hung up on the definition of alcoholic. Can you go to an event without drinking? Do you regularly consume alcohol? If so you might have an unhealthy dependency. Are you physically addicted to alcohol? If so you certainly are dependent on it. Does alcohol cause you to feel below par? Maybe it's time to reevaluate your relationship with it. These examples show that there are many ways alcohol can be problematic but the word 'alcoholic' generally conjures up images of people at rock bottom when the reality is that even if you are not physically dependent on the stuff it can still be a problem.

Bryonyshcmyony · 24/06/2021 20:27

@traumatisednoodle

Using alcohol to switch off isn't great especially mid-week
Literally everyone who drinks uses alcohol to switch off or relax them. Fancying a glass of wine in front of the telly on a Wednesday does not make you an alcoholic.
theemmadilemma · 24/06/2021 20:28

Nope. You expressed want as need is all.

True alcoholism is very different.

SmidgenofaPigeon · 24/06/2021 20:29

No of course that doesn’t make you an alcoholic.

I’ll admit, since being pregnant I am missing my wine like crazy. I think of it a lot and dream of what one I might have for the first glass when I’m able to again. I love the taste and I love lots of different ones and the foods they go best with and I love that it relaxes me after a long week of a stressful day. I did not drink it excessively, I drank good quality stuff and I savoured it.

If anyone wants to tell me that makes me an alcoholic they can get to fuck.

MrsTerryPratchett · 24/06/2021 20:33

I have a very simple formula (ignoring physical addiction).

Do you drink?

Does it cause significant issues for you?

Do you continue to drink knowing that?

Three yeses and you have a drinking problem.

traumatisednoodle · 24/06/2021 20:46

*traumatisednoodle

Using alcohol to switch off isn't great especially mid-week

Literally everyone who drinks uses alcohol to switch off or relax them. Fancying a glass of wine in front of the telly on a Wednesday does not make you an alcoholic*

I would agree that having a glass of wine on a wednesday night because you've had a hard day doesn't make you an alcoholic, but I don't think it's a healthy way to drink.

Especially if it becomes the only way to switch off or relax.

Oblomov21 · 24/06/2021 20:51

"friend reckons this verges on alcoholic behaviour. "

Oh come on. That's so OTT.

LST · 24/06/2021 20:53

I drink over the recommended amount. I drink most nights but not to excess. A glass of wine etc. I could not drink if we didn't have it in the house. Wouldn't need to go get any.

What you describe is not an alcoholic

Bryonyshcmyony · 24/06/2021 21:22

@MrsTerryPratchett

I have a very simple formula (ignoring physical addiction).

Do you drink?

Does it cause significant issues for you?

Do you continue to drink knowing that?

Three yeses and you have a drinking problem.

That's a pretty good formula
Bobothemojo · 24/06/2021 21:28

Sorry @Bryonyshcmyony no offence meant.

I guess it made me revaluate my relationship with alcohol. As a pp said 'alcoholic' conjures up an image of someone at rock bottom but there probably is a much larger spectrum of addiction/dependency than I'd really thought about.

I don't drink to excess or everyday but would find it hard to give up.

Same as many people with caffeine. It would be hard to give up

OP posts:
Cleverpolly3 · 24/06/2021 21:31

@MrsTerryPratchett

I have a very simple formula (ignoring physical addiction).

Do you drink?

Does it cause significant issues for you?

Do you continue to drink knowing that?

Three yeses and you have a drinking problem.

I think this is an excellent model
Yellow85 · 24/06/2021 21:39

As a child of an alcoholic, I think you worry if alcohol becomes the ONLY way you can relax/switch off. Also, I totally disagree with PP that you aren’t an alcoholic if you stay under the recommended limits. Not all alcoholics drink themselves to oblivion. It’s about a need that nothing else can replace, regardless of how much.

OverByYer · 24/06/2021 21:43

You’re not an alcoholic. Would agree though alcoholism isn’t about units
It’s about whether you can cope without alcohol

NotDonna · 24/06/2021 21:54

Maybe try this… it’s a free online experiment re alcohol. You don’t need to be an alcoholic for alcohol to cause issues. Remember, it’s an addictive poison. Plenty of people can take it or leave. Others get addicted. For some it affects their behaviour. This experiment is a really good way to check where you are with alcohol. It’s free and very interesting.
learn.thisnakedmind.com/the-alcohol-experiment-registration

PacifyLulu · 24/06/2021 21:58

I have been sober for 4 and a half years. I was very ‘mild’ compared to some but I couldn’t control my drinking - as in I drank more than Sober-me wanted to and did things that Sober-me didn’t want to do.
I think @MrsTerryPratchett has it spot on.

Namelessnancy · 24/06/2021 23:00

"Alcoholic" isn't necessarily a useful label but for anyone who's not completely happy with their relationship with alcohol I'd strongly recommend the alcohol experiment @NotDonna linked to.

Keepyourdistance000 · 24/06/2021 23:05

Keeping bottles hidden in your room so you can drink after DH has gone to bed (in separate rooms) - a slippery slope which I very nearly went down a few years ago.

Planning your life around when you can have a drink.

Also imo needing to drink a bottle of wine or more every night, again another slippery slope to dependency.

Gingernaut · 24/06/2021 23:06

Can you stop at one drink?

Could you put the wine bottle in the fridge after a glass or two and not go back to it until the following day?

When you're out during the day, do you think about the drink you're going to have when you get in?

Do you worry about if you don't have enough/any alcohol in the house?

Graphista · 24/06/2021 23:30

It's more about the relationship you have with alcohol than the amount you drink

Eg "dry drunk" look it up

Some people can drink a fair amount on occasion but maintain an overall healthy relationship with alcohol, others can stay within the supposed healthy limits (your comment about units per week by the way is not the whole story re healthy limits) but would get anxious or irritable or worse at the suggestion of stopping or not drinking when they usually would and how much they usually would

The weekly limit is recommended to be spread across the week with at least 3 days include

Also remember that people pouring/serving their own drinks at home often massively underestimate how much they are drinking and don't check the strength of what they're drinking eg there's huge variation in strength in beers

People who drink spirits tend to think they're having a single when they're usually having at least a triple

As a pp said 'alcoholic' conjures up an image of someone at rock bottom

That level of alcoholism doesn't occur overnight. Any addiction tends to creep up on you.

I am/was the daughter, granddaughter, niece and cousin to addicts mainly alcohol

It never starts in ways that are obvious to either the addict or those around them. It's really hard to pinpoint the time they "became" an alcoholic

Same as many people with caffeine. It would be hard to give up

Interesting example you chose. Caffeine is massively addictive I was an addict. I didn't realise. After my last mc I did a lot of research and read of the impact of caffeine on pregnancy and decided to quit. I had no idea! I quit "cold turkey" and very quickly (the next day) felt extremely ill. I thought a flu, and as I am asthmatic with complex lung history I went to drs, luckily for me the dr correctly dx caffeine withdrawal and advised me to not quit cold but to wean myself off it gradually which I did. It genuinely was a shock I'd no idea how much I was consuming (worked in an office job at the time and that particular office had a real coffee culture, we didn't even make a cup from fresh each time someone just would go around topping everyone up maybe every 20 mins?) plus my preferred drink outside of work was coke (where we were living at the time it was insanely cheap!)

It's an incredibly addictive substance

There was also an episode of "eat well for less" where the dad was drinking about 8 litres of Diet Coke a day! Again he was advised to not quit cold but to gradually wean himself off it And it was explained why on the show briefly iirc

It’s about a need that nothing else can replace, regardless of how much.

Absolutely! It's about the addicts dependence on their addiction their relationship with it

I also have gambling and exercise addicts in the family - just as awful as substance addiction

BritInAus · 25/06/2021 00:56

Agree with PPs - it's not about units, it's about the relationship.

Is your relationship with alcohol causing problems with your personal relationship (partner/spouse, friends, kids), or work?

Do you worry about when your next drink will be?

Do you feel like you can 'never stop at one/two'?

Do you often find yourself drinking more than you meant/planned to?

Do you behave in ways you regret when drinking?

It's not like someone who drinks 8 units a week is ok but someone who has 10 is an alcoholic. It's about what it means for the rest of your life, like any other addiction.

DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou · 25/06/2021 06:27

I was reading a book about this recently and the term alcoholic has been unhelpful for many years.
Mainly because it comes in different forms.Such different forms. And if someone hasn't had a drink for 25 years are they really the alcoholic from yesteryear compared to office workers who go for regular liquid lunches and party on weekends?

And what is being used now (although I'm not sure in which countries) is an Alcohol Use Disorder scale to get a better understanding of the behaviours of the drinker.