Anxious now my dream is coming true

[Serena1977]

I have always wanted to be a primary school teacher but my Mum has always said that "you're not up to it" so after my degree I moved back home and settled for working in an office.

Fast forward to now. I am married to a wonderful encouraging man and we have 2 DC. For something to do? I started helping out at the DCs' primary school and after 2 years of volunteering, I started a teaching assistant course last September.

Whilst doing this course, my placement school, college tutors and dh have said to apply for my pgce and go for my dream. I applied to three unis, had interviews for all 3, got 3 offers, chose 1. Great, so excited. I start it in September but I'll still have my level 3 teaching assistant qualification to fall back on.

The problem: I can't believe that all these people see that I could do it. That they say I have potential, that I got 3 offers, that I'll understand the course and pass it.

I have lost a lot of confidence since i finished my degree, my dm still says i won't manage it, it's neglectful to my dc to become a trainee teacher. (DC are excited for me) She says I'm too old. It'll take its toll on my marriage (dh is very supportive and does more than his fair share at home and with the dc).

I keep expecting the uni to ring and tell me that they have taken away my place and I must be an idiot to think I could become a teacher.

Why am I not believing my tutors, placement school mentor etc when they say I'll make a great teacher after training?

I think your mother is unreasonable and I don't understand why she undermines you like that. Go for your dream, you'll excel

You need to distance yourself from your “D”M could you imagine ever putting your DC off pursuing their dream job?

I bet you can’t because Mums are there to build you up, give you confidence and support you. If yours can’t do that you need to step away from her.

Wow! Congratulations, that is such an achievement.

Listen to the experts who have encouraged you and offered you the places, listen to your husband and children who believe in you.

The only negative is your mother, who sounds rather unpleasant. Can you imagine ever stomping on your children, the way she has with you? Her opinion is worthless, you can be whatever you want.

We need good teachers in this country and you sound like you will be one of them.

Oh my God are you serious? You need to cut your mum out of your life if she keeps being so nasty. Of course everyone offered you a place - you are obviously very talented. Which is triply amazing seeing as you've had a parent sucking the confidence out of you every day of your life. You'll make a brilliant teacher!

Your Mum sounds a piece of work!!!

Avoid her as much as you can; hold your head up high and have faith both in yourself and in all these people who believe in you.

If she is saying all this now, I suspect she will not have been an encouraging mother when you were smaller, and this will have taken its toll on you. You have done well with all your achievements so far. You have to rise above your mother's nonsense and follow your dream - it sounds as though it is not a dream, but a soon-to-be reality.

Some parents find it hard when they have to relinquish their offspring and let them become independent adults who make their own decisions. It sounds as though your Mum is trying to exert inappropriate influence on you to keep her role as mother - that is her problem and must not become yours. You could try laughing at her and saying "Well you are the voice of doom! Thanks a bunch! I am a grown adult and know what I am doing." If she sees it is winding you up she will do it all the more because it gives her power.

Lots of good luck with your course and your new career.

Please try and block out what your DM says, people you’ve worked with wouldn’t of encouraged you to do it if they didn’t think you could do it. Go live your dream!

Oh my goodness op. You totally deserve and are able for this. Your mum is unkind and holding you back. Mine is similar. Break away from her a bit. You don't need that negativity. You could be straight with her and say 'mum - dh is supporting me and I have been advised by education professionals that I am capable and suited. Stop it mum or I will have to have a break from you'

I have had to do this
Massive congrats

Tell your mum to fuck off and enjoy the rest of your life.

Your mum's comments are more about her than you. Good luck, you'll be great

You have a Mum problem, and that is all. Professional people all have faith in you. And they are the people who actually know what they're talking about, not your ridiculous mother.

So your mum has held you back all your life?

Stop listening to her and trust in the professionals that know you and assessed you.

You can do this!

Why would you believe your mum over a lot of experienced and qualified people who think you have the capacity to be a good teacher? You've got some combination of low self esteem (wonder why? ) and imposter syndrome.

Your mum is crazy!!

You can totally do this!!

You got three offers from three universities.

All three can’t be mistaken surely? You are clearly an intelligent woman who shows promise.

Go for your dream job. Your kids will have an amazing role model in you to look up to. You’ll show them you can attain your dreams at any point in your life even if you temporarily lose courage. Nothing can hold you down.

Im currently going for a higher qualification in my field. I was really worried to begin, but god the feeling of satisfaction and motivation when I passed that first exam!

You can do it, you’ll be an amazing teacher because this is something you’ve wanted all your life. Do it.

Your mum sounds horrible! Who says that to their child!!??
You can do it! You deserve to believe in yourself and have a fantastic rewarding career. Go for it.

It’s not surprising you are anxious as you have been repeatedly told that you will not manage it by someone you believed.

However at time I have had to “trust the black and white” as in

• I was offered a place
• I passed the test
• My colleagues sent a reference that allowed me to do this.

All this actually happened. The opinion is just that, and she doesn’t know it. I’m concerned about her motivation! Hopefully she’s just projecting her fear of failure onto you.

You’ve got this.

I know whose opinion I would trust, and it's not your mothers.

Did your mum have dreams of becoming a teacher herself that were never realised?
It's the only reason I can think of for being so mean! It's still no excuse but my own dm started teacher training but had to finish when she got pregnant. She was always dismissive & rude to teachers throughout my school life & generally an embarrassment. It was just resentment.
You've got a fantastic opportunity here & you'll be brilliant.
Ignore your mum, tell her the minimum & reduce contact if she carries on being horrible.
Good luck!

Why am I not believing my tutors, placement school mentor etc when they say I'll make a great teacher after training?

Because you clearly grew up in a toxic and abusive environment with a mother who has undermined you and belittled you to an incredible degree.

I'd be ditching her and getting on with your life.

Your mother is toxic.

You need to stop letting her voice be the main voice you listen to - very hard when she's probably been sniping away since you were a babe in arms. You're programmed by her to doubt yourself.

But you must NOT let her ruin this for you! You can do this! 3 offers is fabulous!

Counselling with a professional who understands toxic parents could be invaluable for you. You'll also have to learn some assertive techniques to deal with her.

Now go be a fabulous teacher!

You'll be fine! I know plenty that have done it and love it.

When I was growing up (with a severe learning disability I might add) my horrible step father told me I’d end up ‘stacking shelves in Tesco.’ (I’d argue that’s a very important job, where would we be without food on the shelves, but that’s beside the point!) As a mum of three, I’m about to go into my final year of a BA honours course and I already have a very successful professional career too. Good luck and don’t let someone else’s opinion ever hold you back x

Wow, your mum has a really done a number on you, hasn't she? It's heartbreaking how parents can demolish a child's self belief.

You've got a degree, it was suggested that you should apply for the PGCE, you did and three unis offered you a place - rude as it is, what does your mother know? Is her opinion more reliable than these professionals who have all placed their confidence in you?

Follow your dream and be that teacher who inspires kids and gives them the self belief to follow their dreams. You are made for this.

The reason you don’t believe them is because your mother has been undermining your confidence for years and this has impacted your self esteem. That’s terrible behaviour on her part. Follow your dream, fake your confidence and one day you’ll see that you can in fact manage it all and be proud of yourself that you did. Remember that everyone feels “imposter syndrome” so even if you feel like you’re not capable, you have shown that you are so you just need to ignore your doubts and your mother’s horrid voice in your head and crack on with your dream! Good luck and massive congratulations

And sorry if that sounds trite, growing up with undermining parents is a serious issue, I'm not trying to minimise it. Your experience really could make you a better, more supportive and empathetic teacher though.