Anxious now my dream is coming true

[Serena1977]

I have always wanted to be a primary school teacher but my Mum has always said that "you're not up to it" so after my degree I moved back home and settled for working in an office.

Fast forward to now. I am married to a wonderful encouraging man and we have 2 DC. For something to do? I started helping out at the DCs' primary school and after 2 years of volunteering, I started a teaching assistant course last September.

Whilst doing this course, my placement school, college tutors and dh have said to apply for my pgce and go for my dream. I applied to three unis, had interviews for all 3, got 3 offers, chose 1. Great, so excited. I start it in September but I'll still have my level 3 teaching assistant qualification to fall back on.

The problem: I can't believe that all these people see that I could do it. That they say I have potential, that I got 3 offers, that I'll understand the course and pass it.

I have lost a lot of confidence since i finished my degree, my dm still says i won't manage it, it's neglectful to my dc to become a trainee teacher. (DC are excited for me) She says I'm too old. It'll take its toll on my marriage (dh is very supportive and does more than his fair share at home and with the dc).

I keep expecting the uni to ring and tell me that they have taken away my place and I must be an idiot to think I could become a teacher.

Why am I not believing my tutors, placement school mentor etc when they say I'll make a great teacher after training?

I know someone who did her PGCE whilst having three children under 7, and in her forties. She is now a head teacher, and really enjoying it. Please don't feel guilty. It has inspired instead of hurt her children.

Your mum sounds really unsupportive. Has she perhaps herself not chosen to follow her dreams or been unable to do so? Might this be jealousy speaking? Or does she simply not take you seriously as an adult? Parents sometimes struggle to do so.

Your mother isn’t an expert on education and training teachers.

Those who know what they are talking about think you’ll be great.

I think you’ll be great too!

What’s your mother done with her life? I’m guessing not a lot so now she wants to limit yours? She sounds envious of you and wants to keep you in check. She’s one voice, there are many others saying the opposite and they actually train teachers and know who is likely to “be up to it”. Listen to them.

Congratulations! You sound like you'll be a great teacher.

Please ignore your mother, she is a cow. The people who have worked alongside you in school recognise your potential and so do 3 universities.

Enjoy your course

Your mum is a single horrible negative voice in a chorus of positive ones. Don't listen to her. And NEVER feel guilty about the effect your new career will have on your children. I was always proud of my lecturer mum back in the 70s when a career mum was unusual. She was my role model and now my children say they are proud of having a mum in a good job. You are setting them a great example about working hard and the whole family working as a team so that everyone is fulfilled.

Your mum sounds awful

Has your mum ever recruited anyone onto a pgce course? Has she ever been a teacher? Has she got any insight into teaching at all? If not, why is her opinion more important than the people who presumably have a pretty good idea about who would make a good teacher (pgce interviewers and head teacher).

I’ve just completed a three year degree in Primary Education and I start my PGCE year in September.
I’m 44.
You are not too old op!
You are setting a fantastic example for your DC - following your dreams and a solid work ethic.
Ignore your mother.
Go for it!

Its her anxiety that undermines your confidence. People with less critical standpoints will support you whether you succeed or not (that's a bit black and white - the journey will have twists and turns and ups and downs but its your journey and as the purpose is for you to develop, there is no failure possible). Start to notice that your mum is not always right. She's probably been wrong a lot. For some reason she's pouring poison on to you - possibly not her fault of intergenerational pattern but it is her responsibility. Teaching is hard, but if you can get by with the demands, the actual job and vocation could be great for you. If it suits you, stay at it, if not, you have so many options you should be proud.

Thank you all so much. I doubt myself so much, not just with this but as a parent, wife, person because of what she says.

I had built my confidence and taken on board what the professionals' opinions were and applied because at the time I was only in phone contact with my Mum (covid lockdowns and living 1 hour apart) I don't think it is a coincidence that my confidence has plummeted now I'm seeing my Mum again in person as restrictions loosen.

Also, her dream was to be a nurse but she quit her course because my Dad complained he didn't see her enough because of her shifts (this was when they first met). Subsequently they married, had me and my brother ( who is low contact with her) and she worked in a shop since. Maybe she is jealous that my dh is supportive but my dad was definitely women should stay at home and rear children and be housewives a d have a little part time job.

I remember way back when 6th form said I should go to uni that she wasnt proud or happy she just worried about the cost of it.

I was like this when I got back into work after a gap of 8 years. I kept waiting for them to ring me back and tell me it was all a joke and of course they weren't offering me a job!!

Another 8 years on - I am still here! Have faith - you will be fine.

You have to believe in yourself. imposter syndrome can be a thing in teaching, so trust your mentor and tutor and believe in yourself!

look up "imposter syndrome"

you can do it though

Your mum sounds horrible. I can't imagine putting my child down or trying to crush their dreams.

You can do this.