DH said he'd divorce me if I became a vegetarian.

[JammyGem]

Just that really. Not sure what to make of it.

He's a chef and very passionate about food. I'm not a big meat eater and don't like the taste or texture of a lot of stuff, so tend to cook only fish, chicken and beef. I hate touching raw meat and while making dinner tonight made a comment about thinking of going vegetarian. We do eat a lot of veggie meals anyway, and I give him most of the meat while I have just the sauce/vegetables etc.

He gets a bit annoyed because I don't like pork or lamb so don't cook them - although I've made it clear if he wants them he can cook dinner for himself and I'll just have some soup or something, so I'm not stopping him from eating them.

I was just a bit taken aback by his (totally serious) comment that if I stopped cooking/eating meat he'd file for divorce

If he values your marriage so little he would divorce you over what you choose NOT to eat, go vegetarian immediately and never look back.

He's being so weird about this! Can you imagine being so invested in what someone else puts in their mouth?

If he wants to eat meat he can cook it himself, he obviously knows how. Maybe you can set a new schedule where some nights you eat your own thing and some nights you eat together?

@Caramellatteplease

I kinda get it. Eating a meal together is one of the joys of being in a couple for many people. Not having similar eating patterns is actually quite divisive.

Side issue: You do realise that just taking the meat out of food isnt enough. You need to he adding in other protein and nutrition sources?

Rubbish! My dh is a staunch vegetarian, I’m a carnivore. I do most of the cooking and never expect him to eat meat. He’s more than happy for me to eat meat.

@CabernetSoWhat Yes, I think that's part of it. He's very passionate about produce, particularly meat, and can spend ages talking with the butcher about which cuts are best for which dishes etc.

I guess for me I've just become more and more squeamish about eating animals. He has no qualms about making jokey "yum" comments when we take DD out to a farm for a day. Recently those kind of comments have started to upset me, as I don't want to be reminded that the food i eat was once a living animal, I just get a bit upset by it, which I realise is probably a bit of an overreaction. He certainly sees it as one anyway. It's odd, since having DD I just feel more guilty about eating meat.

Rubbish! My dh is a staunch vegetarian, I’m a carnivore. I do most of the cooking and never expect him to eat meat. He’s more than happy for me to eat meat

Just because it works in your relationship doesn't mean everyone agrees. Doing veggie right means a vast change in shopping and eating habits, it's not just leaving out the meat or adding a bit of meat on the side. I'll happily eat a lentil bolognese, but I'll relish a proper bolognese. Id prefer to live with relish rather than tolerance given the choice, I wouldn't be particularly compatible with a vegetarian. When you go out to eat to eat, picking a steakhouse is likely to be less appealing to veggie and vice versa re veggie restaurant. Theres likely to be far more compromises than if you eat similarly.

My mum has compromised for years to my Dad's love of beige food. It's not limited to veggie vs meat.

It's not an overreaction at all, it's totally normal to get upset about animals being killed. Most people live in a state of denial as to the treatment of animals raised for food. Maybe you two should watch Dominion together!

I guess for me I've just become more and more squeamish about eating animals. He has no qualms about making jokey "yum" comments when we take DD out to a farm for a day.

^ this. It isnt just about cooking dinner. It's about a fundamental incompatibility in attitudes and whether you want to work through them

since having DD I just feel more guilty about eating meat.

Do you know why? Is it that you're feeling more vulnerable about the reality of the whole circle of life thing now you feel the responsibility for a child's life?

Genuinely curious.

That would be enough to convince me. How dare he tell you what you can eat?
He clearly doesn't mean it, as it is ridiculous, but yes go veggie for a bit to make a point.

I guess that's the thing, I wouldn't be a strict vegetarian. Maybe saying "vegetarian" at all is misleading. More than I wouldn't prep, cook, or eat meat at home - I'm certainly not planning to give up e.g. parmesan or wine because they contain meat products. It's more the actual meat I want to avoid.

Nobody cries over a person saying "yum" about a field of tomatoes or strawberries. They're killed for food too.

There is no life at all without eating previously living things.

Welfare standards are a separate issue.

@lilyofthewasteland I honestly have no idea why. I didn't eat any meat at all while pregnant because of this, but figured it was just the hormones and would get back to normal. DD is nearly 3 and although the feeling has lessened it hasn't disappeared. To be honest, since having DD I've become more sensitive about lots of things - anything slightly emotional will set me off in tears. The idea of any creature dying makes me so sad.

Fair enough.

I'm ok with (cooked) meat if it's not obvious where it's come from - but I can't deal with anything that's still in it's "live" form like a roast bird or whole fish or those full hpg roasts you sometimes see. Its why I struggle prepping meat because when it's raw it's obvious it's from a dead animal.

I think we can acknowledge there is a difference between a sentient animal and a plant fruit.

@JammyGem I'm vegetarian and my DH is not. I don't cook meat at home, so my DH either prepares a meat component to a meal or eats the vegetarian meal that I cook. He enjoys all kinds of food, and so is happy to eat vegetarian food regularly. Frankly he's just happy that someone else has prepared a nice meal for him!

It is totally wrong for your DH to seriously say he would ask for a divorce if you became vegetarian. You should be able to have a respectful conversation about making different choices and how that could work in your relationship without feeling like you're being threatened with ending the relationship!

I don't want to be reminded that the food i eat was once a living animal, I just get a bit upset by it, which I realise is probably a bit of an overreaction.
That’s not an over reaction. It is true. And environmentally, eating meat is a fooking nightmare. If is selfish to he consuming so much meat as a society.

Nobody cries over a person saying "yum" about a field of tomatoes or strawberries. They're killed for food too. There is no life at all without eating previously living things.
I honestly cannot tell if this poster is joking, or just absolutely lacking in any sort of critical analysis skills.

Op, how often does your partner cook dinner?

Your position makes total sense. There are lots of reasons not to eat meat: environmental, animal welfare etc.
Revulsion was the reason, I stopped, however now I am vegan for environmental /animal welfare reasons.
I have a friend who has no interest in animals or environment but doesn't want to eat dead animals.

I always think that chefs who cannot countenance vegetarian food are just… not very good chefs. It’s relatively easy to make meat and fish taste good, but it takes a lot more skill to make really tasty meals out of pulses and vegetables.

@lilyofthewasteland

Nobody cries over a person saying "yum" about a field of tomatoes or strawberries. They're killed for food too.

There is no life at all without eating previously living things.

Welfare standards are a separate issue.

Well yes because tomatoes and strawberries don't feel pain. Which would you prefer to do, strangle a kitten or pick a flower?

I kinda get it. Eating a meal together is one of the joys of being in a couple for many people. Not having similar eating patterns is actually quite divisive
It really isn't.
We've had different ' eating pattens' as you call it for 30 years, with me being veggie and we love our meals out. We enjoy looking at the menus and deciding what to have. I love cooking at home for everyone and do fabulous buffets and tea time meals. Nothing divisive about that.
We go to restaurants a lot. Dh will just have a good look to make sure there's a good selection of veggie meals for me before he books and occasionally we will go to a veggie or vegan restaurant.
Sometimes I'll go to a fire pit or steakhouse and theres usually something for me.
Give and take 🤷‍♀️

I would struggle if my husband said that too. I love eating a wide range of food and cooking too. I couldn't marry a fussy eater.

Sounds to me as if you'd be happier if you gave up meat, OP. I'm like you. I had a turning point where I realised that I really didn't want, or need, to eat dead animals. The longer you do it, the easier it gets. My DH is a carnivore. He cooks for himself if he doesn't want what I'm having, and we'll share rice, veg maybe. He likes buying quality meat. We're both happy with this and have been doing it for about 8 years, so the poster who said it won't work is talking bollox. We have a vegan dd and a ds who is happy with vegan/veggie/meat!

@crackofdoom

I always think that chefs who cannot countenance vegetarian food are just… not very good chefs. It’s relatively easy to make meat and fish taste good, but it takes a lot more skill to make really tasty meals out of pulses and vegetables.

I think the same. A chef who cannot make food without relying on meat is just not good.

I do get where he’s coming from. When my DP is on a diet it is a pain in the arse having to consider this weeks whims when I’m cooking or ordering food. Eating nice things is “our thing” - we love going out to eat, watching masterchef for inspiration, walking to the shop to pick up ingredients etc and when that’s all gone it’s like there’s a bit of a hole in our interests!

However my DS is a veggie so I’m already make two versions of most meals and not really any extra trouble to make a small additional meal with quorn instead of chicken or adding extra veg and chickpeas instead of beef etc

Although he’s being petulant saying that he’ll divorce you, what he’s really probably feeling is that it’s a rejection of who he is and what he loves to do. A conversation around shared goals and values might be helpful at this point.

Your chef husband probably feels very strongly about eating meat. Your recent views are very different from his and he feels very passionately about eating meat. I can sympathise with that. You think that eating living things is wrong, it is quite fundamental difference in life philosphy.