Is this true about divorces in the 60's?

[ParadiseLaundry]

We've just had a visit from MIL who was talking about a family member who was married with a child. He then got divorced and never ever saw his child again as in the words of MIL 'they thought it was best in those days if the parents got divorced that the child didn't ever see their father again'. This was in the 1960's.

I was .

Just wondered if anyone else had experienced this and if it was really true? It obviously seems very shocking by today's standards.

It happened to my great uncle though this was in the 1930s.

Divorce law was reformed in 1969 and it was very different before then.

Sometimes. I’ve certainly heard that before. Right up to the the 90s it was considered best that arrangements for children looked as nuclear as possible, for instance, so that children almost automatically took on step parents names and so on, and yes, fathers were often faded out. Also that bad conflict between the parents was best dealt with by a permanent estrangement.

The Edith Wharton novel 'Customs of the Country' (1913) is about a horrible gold digger of a woman. She marries her husband for his status and then moves onto someone richer. Her first husband is not allowed to see their child and eventually kills himself.
My friend in the 60's was not allowed to see her father after her parents divorced. All three children found their father as adults. Her mother was very vindictive.

People didn't divorce as much back then so it must have been for quite a serious reason and maybe he was in disgrace for his behaviour.

@ParadiseLaundry

We've just had a visit from MIL who was talking about a family member who was married with a child. He then got divorced and never ever saw his child again as in the words of MIL 'they thought it was best in those days if the parents got divorced that the child didn't ever see their father again'. This was in the 1960's.

I was .

Just wondered if anyone else had experienced this and if it was really true? It obviously seems very shocking by today's standards.

Yes this happened to a relative of mine. He never heard from his son again which must have been awful.

Yes, I think this was fairly normal for the time. A close male relative divorced in the early 60s. He never saw his toddler child again

My dm was born early 60s, not only did she not see her dad again after the divorce, her dad also went to jail instead of paying child support.

I have an uncle who was divorced in the late 60s and never saw his two children again. His ex moved away and didn't tell him where she was going. It was so much harder at that time to track people down. He was heartbroken.

When did children change from being seen as owned by their father and kept with them if there was a divorce, to being never seen by their father again post divorce?

My dad adopted my half brothers in about 1966 -- they were product of my mother's first marriage which ended in 1960 when they were still toddlers. Brothers only made some contact with birth father & many half siblings as adults. They all lived within 1 hr drive of each other.

So yeah, I'd say common enough.

@FricasseeTurnips

When did children change from being seen as owned by their father and kept with them if there was a divorce, to being never seen by their father again post divorce?

Not sure but this happened to my nan she was told by her husband she could have a divorce but we never allowed to see her children against had to leave the area by the time they found her she had about a year left to live

Tracks with stories in my own family

@FricasseeTurnips

When did children change from being seen as owned by their father and kept with them if there was a divorce, to being never seen by their father again post divorce?

Custody of Children Act of 1839, brought about by the campaigning of Caroline Norton whose husband refused divorce but also refused contact for her with her children (one of whom was inadequately cared for, died, and she hadn't been allowed to see him or informed )

So many sad but similar stories here, at least things have changed a little now x

Not sure but I remember reading somewhere that divorce was so shameful before around 1960, that people would often say they "lost" their husband/father.

@RickiTarr
Children didn't automatically take on step parent's name, they had to be adopted by the step parent and their biological parent in order to change their name. That certainly happened until 1974, I've got the adoption certificate to prove it.

Yes, it was much more acceptable. Happened to me in the 70s.

My parents divorced in 1974 and the courts sided with my father when he sued for regular visitation rights.

My stepbrothers also regularly saw their father after their parents' divorce in 1972, although that did not go to court.

Also, none of us took our stepfathers' names (which is good as my stepbrothers had four different stepfathers...)

[quote Sporranrummager]@RickiTarr
Children didn't automatically take on step parent's name, they had to be adopted by the step parent and their biological parent in order to change their name. That certainly happened until 1974, I've got the adoption certificate to prove it.[/quote]
I said “almost automatically”, and I don’t even mean formally. I know three people of different ages, who were expected by their mothers to taken on their stepfathers surname socially and have expressed negative feelings about it.

I also have a couple of relatives who were teachers through from the 70s to the 10s, and they have commented how endemic “known as” names were amongst the pupil enrolment and how many parents made a fuss once there was a crackdown (round about the 90s or the millennium, I think - maybe to do with the Children’s Act) and only legal names were allowed on the register.

The full step parent adoptions were something else on top. I know my own sister as recently as maybe 98/99 objected strongly to the prospect of having to adopt her own biological child alongside her new husband to the extent that they didn’t go through with it until the law changed much later (and that was a scenario in which the real dad had absented himself permanently).

If the mum moved away it was a lot harder to even find them then let alone keep in touch.

Interesting question. My mother would have divorced my father late 60s early 70s. But she had no finances, no bank account, not on the mortgage, a “little job”, no tax credit and no where to go with 2 children. A divorced woman was also not a great status to have then. So it wasn’t just men who suffered.

Common even early 80's. Exh didn't see his dad until he was an adult and searched for him