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Original poster

Dd age 13 wants a cat but I dont

100 replies

chasegirl · 22/06/2021 22:09

Her friends cat has just had kittens and Dd is on a mission to break me down so I say yes. She's made all the promises about cleaning and feeding and it would be her cat.

Help me stay strong! Anyone hit a cast iron argument for saying no?

OP posts:
zafferana · 23/06/2021 07:29

Just say no, OP. If you don't want a cat, don't get one, because you're right that it will be YOU looking after it while your DD is at school, at her dad's, at her friend's, at uni, etc. The cat I had as a child lived to be nearly 20. That's a very long time to be looking after and paying for a pet you never wanted in the first place.

Frownette · 23/06/2021 07:36

It's a huge commitment - my childhood pet stayed with my parents when I went off to university.

If you wouldn't be happy looking after the cat as DD gets older I'd think twice about it.

Quartz2208 · 23/06/2021 07:55

As much as they say they will do some it will fall to you. DD has been after rabbits for years (we are both massively allergic to cats) and I said yes when I was ready for them and had the time to spend and look after them

Dont do it

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Cats
KangarooSally · 23/06/2021 08:01

I love cats but say no.

Here are some reasons why that you can explain to her:

  • Cats are expensive. Vet bills can be thousands and even just food adds up. You don't have the ability to pay for them and I don't want to.
  • Cats mean we can't go on holiday when we want to. Have to organise cattery or cat sitter. If cats are ill and needing medication and being watched we can't go away [this happened to me recently]
  • Cats are a commitment of 15-20 years. You will be leaving home to go to university. You can't take a cat with you. You can't viably have a cat in your first few years of independence anyway as you won't be able to afford a place that will allow a cat (eg house share, apartments). That means I will have to look after it and I don't want to. This is going to happen even if you are super responsible and look after it 100% while you live at home.
  • When you are willing to commit the next 15-20 years of your life to a cat (being able to afford all vet care and paying more for accommodation as options with a pet are more limited) then you can get one.

Some solutions:

  • help her start a pet sitting business, by encouraging her to write out what she will need to do for her clients, work out how much to charge, and make flyers. Go with her for her first few clients so you can be sure she will be able to do it herself and not leave some poor kitty to starve. If she needs reminding to visit each day after a client or two then discourage her from continuing (you don't want to have to do the work or else risk a kitty starving).
  • encourage her to volunteer at the local pet shelter. Many pet shelters take volunteers for the cats to change their litter, feed them, and let them out one at a time to get pats and attention once a day.
  • if she does one or.both of the above and is showing herself to be very responsible maybe consider fostering cats. You'll only have to have them a few months at most and it will help relieve that itch she has to have a cat. You can stop fostering if she doesn't do a good job (leaving kitty litter unchanged or you have to feed the cat as she forgets or she lets it outside and you have to catch it). This way you haven't made a lifetime commitment to a cat as it is definitely temporary.

I had cats as a kid and teenager and the couple of years I was living at uni and then in sharehouses was SO hard. I visited home 75% to see the cat and only 25% to see my parents lol. I definitely couldn't have looked after it for those few years though.

Lweji · 23/06/2021 08:06

Kittens are the worst. The little bastards are awfully cute.

But, does she want the kitten or the cat? They grow up and are less cute and fun. (Mine is almost as, but I digress... Wink)

I got DS a cat when he was a young child because I also wanted one, and I love my his cat.

If you're not on board it's a no, and that should be enough.

KangarooSally · 23/06/2021 08:09

I missed the fact she is only with you 50% of the time. Maybe mention my solutions and say if she does one of them and shows she is responsible, and is willing to live at your house 100% of the time while the foster cat is there and she can negotiate that with her dad, then that can be a possible future option. She can't physically look after an animal 100% if she is only home 50% of the time. That should be pretty clear to her.

BertieBotts · 23/06/2021 10:01

Get her a hamster, they only live for about 4 years which is a more appropriate responsibility at her age.

NeonStones · 23/06/2021 10:07

I love cats, I would have all the cats. BUT I would not advise you to get one unless you want one. My childhood cat lived to be 19. Is your daughter really up for that length of commitment? There will probably be some period where she moves and can’t take the cat with her, and then you will be looking after it. Maybe you will love the cat by that point, but maybe you won’t,

And it’s a right pain in the arse finding a houseshare with a cat, I imagine that’s only got worse since I left home. Unless you are up for 20 years of having a cat, don’t get a kitten.

Branleuse · 23/06/2021 10:11

A cat is such an easy pet, especially if it is allowed outside. Id let her. Its good for kids to have pets. It teaches responsibility, its calming. its someone to teach them about love and caring. A cat is less work than a hamster.
Id seriously consider it.

PurpleDaisies · 23/06/2021 10:19

A cat is less work than a hamster.

Having looked after both cats and hamsters, I don’t agree at all that hamsters are more work.

Hamsters don’t need regular vaccinations. Hamsters only need feeding once a day.
Hamsters hardly ever need the vet and if they do, it’s cheap.
Hamsters don’t live for nearly twenty years.
Hamsters don’t shred your furniture.

newnortherner111 · 23/06/2021 11:04

I doubt if the promise will be kept, though only you know your DD. Also if you don't like cats, that is enough.

motogogo · 23/06/2021 11:09

Just say no. In 5 years she will leave home and you are stuck with a cat! Trust me, we are stuck with dp's DD's cat

Crunchymum · 23/06/2021 11:43

If you aren't fully onboard @chasegirl then you'll have to be firm here.

We got a kitten just before Christmas (much wanted by us all and we are a "cat" house having lost out older girl several months before) and fuck me he is hard work.

We all love him dearly and wouldn't be without him but the majority of cat work falls to me. I'm WFH so I'm his default human mummy

MotherOfBeardedDragons · 23/06/2021 11:50

My DD begged us to get a dog for 3 years after our last one died. She made a presentation and offered to help pay towards him from her pocket money, promised she’d walk him every day, all the usual.

We did get one, because it was the right time for us and we wanted him desperately. But DD only did what she promised for a few months before it wore off!

Definitely never get an animal you don’t want and aren’t prepared to be totally responsible for.

Thirtyrock39 · 23/06/2021 11:56

A cat is a lovely addition to a home and family but you do all need to be up for it. My husband isn't a cat fan but he's still the one who's up first so feeds her every morning but I do everything else.
Things to talk to dd about:-
Possibility of damage to sofas carpets etc
Possible fleas
Makes spontaneous trips difficult (unless you've got a good neighbour who's happy to pop in)
But I love our cat and don't regret anything about getting her !!

Thirtyrock39 · 23/06/2021 11:59

My experience is kids get bored of hamsters almost immediately and I was the one having to clean it out, play with the poor little thing as none else did 😥whereas a cat is part of the family and everyone fusses around it even if they're not the ones doing vet trips, administering worm tablets or cleaning out the litter tray (or burying dead birds )

Thirtyrock39 · 23/06/2021 12:01

Sorry final point:
Kittens are a lot of work - we had kittens that pooed everywhere and jumped on kitchen surfaces etc etc
We now have a lovely rescue cat we adopted as an adult cat and she is so well behaved and far far easier than kittens

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 23/06/2021 12:03

My parents refused to allow any animals in the house and I hated that as I've always loved animals.
I left home as soon as possible and have always had loads of pets including cats.
My son's life, when he was a child, he's40 now, was totally enriched by having cats, he has lots of cats too now he's left home.
He was shy and awkward as a teenager and they really brought him out of his shell.

NameyNameyNameChangey · 23/06/2021 12:22

Pets are a big responsibility, and if you don't have the emotional, financial and moral means to take on a kitten until it dies, then don't.
What happens when your daughter loses interest?

nevernotstruggling · 23/06/2021 12:31

Yanbu. We had a dog FYI and a rabbit abs I regret the rabbit though it's lovely.

Dd2 wants a cat. I have been clear I can't deal with a litter tray and I can't afford a chattery when we go away. The dog goes with us and the rabbit costs £3 a night. As I said I regret the rabbit.

I'm not taking on a pet that shits indoors.

bendmeoverbackwards · 23/06/2021 23:36

Wow some of your cats sound like hard work!

We have a 10 year old cat adopted from Cats Protection when she was 6 months old. She’s a dream, she’s NEVER pooed or weed indoors, she goes outside and buries it, prefers that to her litter tray.

We do get mice and occasionally birds, that’s definitely the worst part.

She has a sweet affectionate nature and dds 1 and 3 totally adore her.

And she’s much less work than our guinea pig who poos for England!

Maybe we’re just lucky with our cat 🤷‍♀️

SiulaGrande · 24/06/2021 13:40

First reply nailed it with "I don't want one DD". Same thing in our house, including DD going to her Dad's regularly (where she has a dog!).

DD complains my attitude is confusing because I love cats. I've made some explanations e.g. practicalities here, but fundamentally believe it's an example of showing her that it's okay for all of us to want what we want, and in this case it is my final decision not hers.

NeverHadANickname · 24/06/2021 14:05

Not wanting one is a good enough reason. I could send you pictures of our clawed door frames, couch, stained carpets, piles of sick I find some mornings etc. if it would make it easier for you? That is all aside from the cat who had bladder issues (later operated on) who would pee on anything soft so curtains, clothes on the floor, blankets...

JackieTheFart · 24/06/2021 14:13

“When you’re a grown up in your own house you can do what you like. I don’t want a cat so we aren’t getting one”.

LemonSwan · 24/06/2021 19:46

OMG just back to say this thread jinxed my cat.

The boy obviously overheard me typing about how low maintenance he was and planned a spending spree.

Thats half a grand down the drain tomorrow on General anaesthetic surgery for a suspected grass frond lodged in his throat.

Fingers crossed for tomorrow!

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