Dd age 13 wants a cat but I dont

[chasegirl]

Her friends cat has just had kittens and Dd is on a mission to break me down so I say yes. She's made all the promises about cleaning and feeding and it would be her cat.

Help me stay strong! Anyone hit a cast iron argument for saying no?

She can have a cat when she moves out and has her own house.

A kitten is a big responsibility - they can live 16+ years, and you need to be reasonably sure you can provide that home for the next 16 years. If it's DD's cat then what is she proposing to do with it if she wants to go to university, move into a house share, travel? Just assuming she can leave it with you? That's not very responsible...

There will be other kittens in life. She can get one when she is older. Sometimes you have to wait for the right time for these things. We nearly got a dog in 2017, but that fell through and since then, it hasn't been the right time for us yet. I am thinking probably 2023/2025 by the time we are realistically in a good place to take on a dog again.

Tell her to go and get her fill playing with the kittens before they go off to good homes!

Don't get one.

Are you ok with cleaning up wee and poo, possibly having things wrecked and paying for the cat for 20 years? If not, no.

We had this with my stepdaughter
She started making noises about getting a kitten but we are dog people
We don’t have a dog due to work,lack of time,space and money
We told her that if we couldn’t get a dog (due to reasons above) then she wasn’t getting a cat
She could however get as many as she liked once she’d moved out and into her own place
It went down like a bucket of cold sick but we stood firm-it would have been left to me to pay/do the work and I refused
I’ll always be the unreasonable one but she wanted all the joy of a cat but none of the work/to cough up for it
Plus we often have my children’s dogs round and none of them are cat friendly-she really thought she could lock it in her room while they where here
It was a firm no-she starts uni in sept and we’d have been left with it
Your home-you decide who lives there

Kittens are super cute.

But cats can live for 20 years. My dcat lived for 18.

You would be looking after the cat long after your dd had left for college etc.

Your dd doesn't really want a cat though, does she? She wants a cute little kitten, not a 20+ year responsibility to an animal. She's 13, of course she doesn't see that properly yet. Hold your ground.

We have 2 cats that I didn’t want. We got the first when she was 12. She promised to do everything but of course doesn’t. It’s expensive and holidays are a pain. They’re indoor cats so we don’t open windows and doors.
All of that aside, I’m glad it did it for her. They’re good for her mental health, they’re a memory she’ll take into adulthood, she adores them.

Everything I own is covered in cat hair. Including the dining table moments after I wipe it down 🤬

My various cats over the years have 3 clean litter trays and have still shit and weed on:
My bed
My kids beds
My handbag
Twice
On the front doormat
On the back doormat
On the sofas more times than I can count
On my new rug
On the floor in the middle of the hall
All over the garden decking
They brought in a live mouse last week, which lived behind my shoe cupboard until I coaxed it out with snacks and chased it around the house and out the door.
They throw up chewed up grass all the time
They meow to wake us up
They meow for food - even though they already have food
They drink out of any glass of water left around - even though they have filtered water from a special cat fountain on tap
One of them leapt up onto the work top and landed on a pile of delicate fondant decorations I’d made for a cake
Another one licked the icing off a cake I’d finished and left on the table.
Another one jumped up and stole a steak that was marinating on top of the job
They go missing, worrying the life out of us
They get shut in garages, bedrooms, cars and anywhere else their curiosity takes them
They fight with neighbouring cats and run around like loons when they see one in the garden
I have to pay cat sitters or rely on friends to feed and clean out trays when I go away
They cost a fortune in special anti-cystitis medicine, pro biotics and grain free food so they don’t have the constant shits
I have to remember to close every door when I go to bed so that one of them doesn’t wee on my sofas, my work or on anything they shouldn’t.
I had an alarm fitted. They set it off with the motion sensor despite it allegedly being set to ignore anything smaller than a big dog.
My DP just got two kittens. They have shredded his dining chairs and wander around all over his kitchen tops swishing their poopy tails in everything.

Hold your ground They are so hard to look after I cannot abide them . I told my ds to get them when they can mind them in their own homes. Both moved out now.
No sign of cats in their own houses. Stand firm.

Awww. I have to say getting a cat was the best thing I ever did.

Pros - He is a BUNDLE of joy. 6 years on and I love him so much. Cats are so different with their family than random people. Its really quite a special relationship and you have to have a cat to know what its like.

Maintenance - He's hypoallergenic so no hair. Leave a bowl of biscuits and water (which he never drinks because he prefers the pond) and thats it. Goes to the loo outside.

Cons - The occasional vet trip which he does time perfectly to the most inconvenient moments, and he does have a thing for mice (eats one every evening). About once a year he goes on holiday for c. 3-4 days. and drives us to anxiety waiting for him to come home.

A cat is almost no work at all. And you only need to pay for cat food. The rest is optional. You can leave it for several days, too.

I've left ours for a week. Happy as Larry.

Do not get her a kitten. Sorry but she needs to know she can't have everything she wants. You're the parent!

Don't do it! If you do, get two. We've had two cats. The first one was a dream, she never pooped or peed anywhere weird, she'd sleep in the bed all night long, was very quiet, never brought any animals into the house. We got another one to be a friend for her. Three years later original cat disappeared without trace and we are left with the second cat - she poos and pees on stuff, brings in so many animals, miaows constantly and scratches at doors (especially at 3am so now she has to be shut in the kitchen at night). If I could guarantee a cat would be like my original one I wouldn't hesitate but there's no guarantees and once you have them you're stuck with them for 20 years (I'm sure the annoying cat will live to 20 years old whereas the perfect one disappeared before she was 4 😭)

I wouldn’t be justifying the reasons why not, the answer would be ‘we’re not having a cat,’ and that would be the end of it.
H
And if they persisted then I would tell them that I’d already said no so I didn’t want to hear about it again.

Pets are good for children, however my children were amazing at caring for them until they hit about 16 and started hanging out with friends. At that point they naturally find their social life more of a priority. They still loved the pets but caring for them became a chore rather than something they enjoyed (guinea pigs rather than cats).

We've always had a lot of pets but we're down to a ten year old cat, eleven year old dog - family pets from when the children were young - and a two year old dog which is 'mine'. They are a lot of work and you need to want them to accept the inconvenience and restrictions they can cause.

All kittens are gorgeous. They don't stay kittens very long. They can be expensive if they need a vet. They can scratch your sofa ,they can spray everywhere. you need to sort out holiday arrangements , if you have a cat flap they will bring in live, and dead animals. If you don't have a cat flap you will be forever letting them in and out. You will more than likely end up looking after it. Your dd will move out at some point and leave the cat. then the cat will die at some point and break your heart.

Why not try for an 8 yo rescue instead?
Then you don't have the high-need kitten stage and you'll be left with it for 8 years less.

Cats are lovely 😍 until you get a sick one or one with allergies and one bite of the wrong food will cost you 500 in vets bills 😨😨 and of course he absolutely adores the food be cannot have , will steal it at any chance. They also aren't always the friendliest animals, one of mine will barely look at us. No interest in cuddles or affection. Pets are a huge commitment and if anything goes wrong they are very expensive. Cute and fluffy only lasts so long

I had the same from my son about getting a puppy. It was so hard to resist, he did tons of research, made promises... I felt mean because his line was "he wanted something of his own to love" but stuck my ground and said he can have one and when he has his own house, also that the house would be empty as we work and you any leave a puppy on its own. Literally months going on about it. Now the "phase" is over and doesn't say a word. Stick your ground, I think all kids do this. It's hard as parents but you're either a pet lover or not.

No just no.
Read some cat horror stories!

Can your dd afford microchipping? Food? Vet's bills?

Another vote for fostering, particularly in the summer as you have to keep them inside so windows and doors closed.

You don't want a cat so the answer is no.

We have three and while they're all easy pets I know some people who really struggle with theirs. Ours sleep 20 hours a day, and the only work involved is feeding and changing litter trays - it takes maybe 10-15 minutes a day maximum to deal with all three of them.

We finally gave into DD's nagging for a cat when she was 10. We ruled out kittens as they just wouldn't fit in with our lifestyle. Instead, we waited until one of the rescues had a healthy, low maintenance (as far as they could tell) mature cat.
We picked up our 8yo cat just before lockdown#1 and she has been brilliant for DD. She seems to have realised she is DD's cat and spends all of her time with her or asleep on her blanket on the spare bed and leaves the rest of us alone.
DD feeds her each morning & evening. We have 2 litter trays which, once we started letting her out after the first few weeks, I have changed a couple of times. When we go away, neighbours come in and feed her and play with her for a bit but otherwise she just comes & goes through her cat flap. Every couple of weeks or so she'll bring a mouse in but that's about the only thing I get involved with.
It's been really nice to see DD care for something and take responsibility for it.

Love all your points. I do think she'd not be too bothered when boys come on the scene. It's just me and her. I work full time and then have the house, garden and car to look after I think a cat would be too much.