“And I see you’re expecting another one!” No. No I’m not.

[RubaiyatOfAnyone]

Minor rant, and I know there are bigger things in the great scheme of things, but twice in the last few weeks I have been told i’m pregnant (i’m definitely not).

I have dd2 with me who is 18 months old. Since she was born i’ve gone from my usual 10-12 to size 14. Dd2 was a large baby (csection at 38 weeks because of this, and she was already 9lbs 8), lots of extra water, and a huge placenta (i gathered that last part from the csection surgeon’s “Bloody hell!”), so i got pretty stretched out of shape and it doesn’t appear to be going away naturally like it did with dd1. I feel pretty self-conscious about this, but am having difficulty losing any of the weight partly due to a year of lockdown with a bored and fractious toddler, and partly having no childcare outside of my part-time work hours. I feel rubbish about it.

But i also feel furious at the women who say this - who says this to a stranger? There are many women around me who are larger than me. Does everyone get this periodically? I just feel crap about myself in a way that i didn’t this morning. Do they genuinely believe it and that they are being kind, or is it just a socially acceptable way to say “Gosh, you’re fat”?

I get this too and it is so annoying I’d never assume someone was pregnant unless they had a full term bump!

I remember the first time it happened I was holding a 6 week old newborn ds and someone congratulated me on expecting another... it wouldn’t have been physically possible for me to even have a bump again. People just don’t think.

I get this quite often as I have split stomach muscle and hernia. So body wise I’m reasonably slim but my belly sticks out so I maybe look 5/6 months pregnant (especially by the evening!)

When people ask I usually just say nope just got a fat stomach. Most of the time they are mortified 😆😆

It can happen though, I once had someone come back from mat leave looking like they were still pregnant. Everyone assumed she was struggling to lose her baby weight, no-one said anything. Until I came in on a Monday morning a couple of months later to the news she'd had another baby at the weekend, she'd had no idea until she went into labour!!

Yeah, I feel your pain. I have a small frame, but 3 babies later any extra weight goes on my tummy and bust and my abs might need a bit of work. On my eldest dd’s last day at primary one of the other mums, who I knew to chat to occasionally, said “ you’re not having another are you..?”, nodding down towards my tum. Really unprepared and embarrassed I found myself saying “ no, no, just put a bit of weight on, and a bit of bloating… “. Instead of stopping and looking mortified, she carried on telling me how bad it was and had a seen a doctor, I really should, and so it went on. I made a sharp exit to speak to someone else, but it did really get to me, and for a while made me not only self conscious but worried about my health. It really was the over riding memory from dd’s milestone last day at primary, and only afterwards did something occur to me.. that dd had been the female lead in the y6 performance, she is a lovely singer and actress but you would never know as she is quiet and reserved, with her teacher saying she was hands down the best at the audition. The other mum’s dd on the other hand had also auditioned and didn’t get the part, despite years of acting lessons, trying to get an agent etc. The mum was purposely trying to get to me, I think as a result. 😵‍💫😕

Totally feel your pain op, I've had it a few times since my twin dds were born...they are now teenagers! The worst one was queuing for a ride in a theme park abroad & the man working on the ride taking me aside and asking if I was pregnant as it would be dangerous for me. When I said I wasn't he said he had to ask as I was a larger lady

Within 2 weeks I had a workman ask when I was due and an elderly lady offer me her seat on public transport. I was gutted. My daughter was 8 months old. 3 weeks later I found out I was pregnant again! That said, I would never comment unless I could see the head. Rude and insensitive

I try so hard not to comment on appearance after I once thought I was being witty asking a pregnant lady if she was sure it wasn't twins. She was so polite and handled it with such grace and I feel awful and absolutely cringe when think about it, I really deserved a slap for it.
Karma did get me though. I went to a bbq at 38 weeks and DHs drunk boss had no filter. He told me, "you know, once you birth the babies, you don't have to eat them after" and "keep sunshine away from the food, there needs to be enough to go around!"
I also remember waiting in line for some chips once when some old fella asked me if I was pregnant and when I said I wasn't, he argued with me and said I was. It was so embarrassing that I grabbed the food and ran out and then cried.

I've had this a few times, usually months after giving birth. The last time I had terrible PND and told the woman to fuck off. Feel bad about it now

"No no, that's just my beer belly"

@hellswelshy

Totally feel your pain op, I've had it a few times since my twin dds were born...they are now teenagers! The worst one was queuing for a ride in a theme park abroad & the man working on the ride taking me aside and asking if I was pregnant as it would be dangerous for me. When I said I wasn't he said he had to ask as I was a larger lady

Oh bless you. This thread is making me remember all the worst times this happened to me. The occasion when a gate attendant took me aside to ask whether I had a connecting flight as I might need a letter with another airline. I was utterly mystified and only realised what he’d meant days later, at which point obviously I cringed like a good ‘un.

@BogRollBOGOF

Most of my pregnancy rumours start after lunch. I'm slim but bloat easily, and the arch of my back and small bust highlight any spare inch on my waist.

When I was pregnant, I carried all out in front very obviously and had several arguments with random strangers who clearly knew more about my due date and contents of my uterus than I did!

Postnatally, it's an unfortunate irony that seperated muscles or CS overhangs can mimic a more pregnant shape.

I had twins and was bloody enormous. From about 5 months pregnant I had people staring in horror and asking how overdue I was.

This happened to me after DS1 was born ( nearly 30 years ago ) . I was miraculously a size 8,wearing a baggy jumper and with my usual appalling posture .
I can still remember the embarrassment I felt: I was on a holiday island and figured I would never see the woman again so just went along with it. I still cringe after all these years!

I like a come back that Sarah Millican mentioned in her stand up.

"Not unless I've been fucked by Mr Kipling, and yes, it was exceedingly good"

People are rude, try not to give them headspace.

How to get rid of a Mums Tum 5 years post partum 😞

I’ve learnrd to love myself for who I am & proud of growing a beautiful human inside my women yet..... I’ve started to feel very self conscious about my protruding tummy looking between 5-9 months pregnant dependant upon time of month.

I breastfeed for a LONG time, began to walk a lot & I’ve dieted but I’ve never toned my tum. Slim legs, size 12 dress size not a huge tyre around my waistline.

Can weightloss and toning really reduce this big tum?! ... I don’t want to have to resort to surgery 😞 It makes me feel quite depressed every time I see it ;;-((((((

Correction;
Womb not women *

I breastfeed for a LONG time, began to walk a lot & I’ve dieted but I’ve never toned my tum. Slim legs, size 12 dress size BUT A huge tyre around my waistline.

Years ago, I was a size 16 (had been for a while) and a new colleague csme up to me and said ‘congratulations, when is it due?’. I was mortified and said I wasn’t pregnant. She persisted and said oh you must be, are you sure, but your belly etc etc. would not be told. Insisted that I must be. She was a strange lady but even so I found it incredibly rude the way she went on and it actually put me off her a bit. I mean if that was me I would’ve mumbled an embarrassed apology, definitely not carried on insisting the other person must be pregnant!

I don’t think people should be making that assumption. Sorry you’ve had that experience.

Just to let you know. It may be diastasis recti. It’s more common after c-sections. I had one - made me still look pregnant. If you go to a women’s health physio they can confirm and give you exercises. After a few weeks everyone started asking if I’d lost weight - I hadn’t, my stomach muscles had just started to come back together.