Hi MayorMumbum, I am a MN-of-old, and someone drew this thread to
my attention.
I have a son who was born with fibula hemimelia and a list of associated conditions, and throughout his life he as had huge surgeries (including two periods with his leg in a fixator frame) , lots of time in plaster and permanently uses a knee length splint and a very noticeable shoe raise. His leg is covered in scars from surgery.
He is almost 20 now.
The comments and stares are much fewer now he is grown up.
When he was a child he seemed to be treated like public property for every other stranger to approach him with ‘awww, what happened to you?’ which he found so wearing, the nicely brought up obligation to be polite to adults, the constant focus being on the implication that something was wrong with him.
I Used to brusquely say ‘a condition from birth’ and move on, being matter of fact and implying that other people’s curiosity does not need to be pandered to.
He was always fairly matter of fact himself and had the attitude ‘people will always look, so what’, and wore shorts throughout his child and teen years.
Now he is grown up people are more discreet and observe better manners. And if they do stare his attitude is why should his life be any more constrained due to the attitudes of people for whom he has no respect?
He has always had a great group of close friends who have been with him through thick and thin and are sensitive and perceptive.
I know it is different for women and the pressure for the perfect body etc.
I wonder if you would find people less intrusive than when you were a child? (And good lord, people can be outrageous: I had people block our way in the street to conduct a spontaneous prayer session, and a shopkeeper tell me my son’s condition was retribution for my sins…)?
Do you have close friends or family you could start wearing shorter / lighter clothes amongst? Tell them how you are feeling, go out first with them at your side?
‘Acting as if…’ Put yourself in role. Imagine a Teflon layer all over you, from which stares roll off. And a laser beam which secretly zaps anyone whose manners need correcting. Hold your head high, think ‘ha, my Teflon layer is protecting me from you, whatever you think’.
Because in the end why should you modify your life in response to those whose behaviour or attitudes around disability or difference is at fault?
Also people will notice, of course they will, your legs are no less visible than your smile. But if I noticed I would be thinking ‘oh, someone living with a condition similar to my son’ and feel some solidarity-by-proxy.
Good luck OP. I know it isn’t easy and not all scars are on your body.