I'm a "cryer" and I don't want to be...

[TheMostHappy]

Is anyone else a "cryer" or even better, has anyone previously been a cryer and found a way to not be?!

I'll give some background...

When I was a young teenager I was painfully, painfully shy to the point when I was visiting grandparents I would sit in absolute silence hoping nobody would talk to me and if they did then it would make me cry - im not talking proper sobbing just uncontrollably welling up and tears plopping everywhere and not just one or two.

Now, more recently thankfully, I'm not as shy, so speaking to people isn't such an issue but I'm still a terrible and inappropriately excessive cryer about things that I assume "normal" people wouldn't cry over. Some examples:

I took ds3 to swimming class this morning. I came back to the pool side to collect him and he was crying at the side of the pool, so of course felt like horrific mother and cried and had to walk away and wait for him to be dismissed. There were no other parents crying in the changing rooms.

I can't watch any animal programmes, documentaries or films whatsoever, because I will cry if the animals die.

Certain pieces of classical music will give me a lump in my throat and I may cry.

I probably wouldn't scream in the Sistine chapel, but I think people must think I'm a bit odd and I agree, so I'm looking for ways to be or at least appear a bit "harder". I will probably still be a mushy wreck on the inside, and that's fine, but would like to look normal and a bit tougher on the outside.

None of my other family members are cryers, so not like I've seen it and learned it as normal.

Any tips will be gratefully received. Thanks so much for reading all that.

I do this if I get angry and can’t express myself clearly. Also if I try to sing. I’ve heard thinking of cold things (icebergs etc) helps, but it doesn’t help me much!

Do you actually talk about your feelings or express them in any way? It sounds like you don't have an appropriate mechanism of letting out or even acknowledging your feelings. So they come out as tears. In the same way someone else might get the rage.

Acknowledge your feelings. Accept them. Express them, even to your kids like the incident in the changing room. It's a good way of showing them they can express their emotions too.

Meeeeeeee... But it may be hormones after birthing DD 7 weeks ago...

Me! I was always a little bit easy to tears but since my mum died 6 years ago I cry at everything.

Adverts, soaps, all films so much that I just don’t go to the cinema, music, kids singing tips me over the edge.

I actually rarely cry if something bad happens to me or those I love weirdly but if I hear of a stranger going through a bad time I’ll cry. It’s almost like I need a ‘safe’ crying outlet and other peoples emotions are safer than my own.

I’m so fucked up 🤣

Totally get this, I couldn’t watch Lassie as a child without crying. Just been blubbing reading the newspaper headlines about the Danish footballer yesterday. Mum is a blubber too.
Really wish I could stop it, it’s so annoying. Only thing that slightly helps (if I remember to do it) is to concentrate on pelvic floor exercises- a psychologist suggested it!!

I cry very very easily.

Over everything and nothing.

I am extremely empathetic so things do tug on my heartstrings easily-babies, animals, films, adverts, music etc

I was def not a shy child but have always been a nurturer-

I was widowed very young and I think this makes me grasp on to things because I know how fleeting it can all be...

I used to be like this, have been better since I went onto anti-depressants ! I still feel choked up at anything to do with animals. I have embarrassed myself on numerous occasions at work, but usually when feeling overwhelmed.

Yes I'm the same if I'm cross or overwhelmed - I think I generally recognise my emotions okish.

I'm definitely going to try the pelvic floor exercise technique and see how I get on with that.

Someone recommended biting my tongue once and that didn't really help and I got a sore tongue to boot

It is just really embarrassing!

@SingleHandSue

Me! I was always a little bit easy to tears but since my mum died 6 years ago I cry at everything.

Adverts, soaps, all films so much that I just don’t go to the cinema, music, kids singing tips me over the edge.

I actually rarely cry if something bad happens to me or those I love weirdly but if I hear of a stranger going through a bad time I’ll cry. It’s almost like I need a ‘safe’ crying outlet and other peoples emotions are safer than my own.

I’m so fucked up 🤣

Are you me? 😁

You can also try sort of pinching the soft fleshy but between your thumb and finger. I'm a cryer ever since I had my first child. I used to find it hard to cry but now I can't stop.

I used to be like this. It happened when I was experiencing emotions which I’d never been taught how to handle or express - anger, sadness, even a sense of spiritual uplifting or beauty such as the piece of music example which you gave.

What changed for me was that I went to therapy (for some unrelated issues - work pressure etc) and in the first session I was trying to explain what the problem was to the counsellor and I just couldn’t stop crying. And the more I tried to speak the more I cried and the more frustrated I got so I kept trying to speak … it was a vicious circle. The counsellor said that I should just pause, take a deep breath and allow myself to FEEL the emotions I was experiencing - just sit with them and acknowledge them. Then as they pass I can start to speak and explain what I’m feeling.

It sounds so stupid and simple. But it was absolutely revelatory. Ever since then I try and be aware of my emotions, allow myself to experience them, sit with them and tell myself that my feelings are valid. Before I try and communicate to whoever it is I’m dealing with. It works! Try it. It gets easier with practice.

God I’m terrible.

I don’t cry when I’m upset. But when I get frustrated or angry? Fucking hell.

I have no idea how to resolve.

I’m like this too. There’s a particular advert that gets me every time (about childhood bereavement) where a little boy is sticking his own plaster on and making his own breakfast that just breaks my heart. It used to be on during every ad break in a show we watched and I just had to leave the room or I’d be sobbing 7/8 times a night if we watched a few episodes!

I also burst into tears listening to a song the other day and didn’t know why, until my DS pointed out it was used in their school trip DVDs!

Since I’ve started going through menopause I’m a bit better tbh. Don’t give a shit about anything much these days

And as others have said I’ve lost both parents so I know there’s a lot of grief just under the surface that I stuff down most of the time, so it makes sense that it comes out (especially when relating to a kid losing his mum - only just seen the connection - duh!!)

I tell myself "get it together".
Look up and stick my tongue to the roof of my mouth.
I also tell myself that often tears are the luxury of the priveliged (that is if I feel like crying because I need to let someone down or say something I know they won't want to hear.)

If it's because I'm happy, or watching a sad film or sad song then I let it out.

If it's to do with the kids then I just accept I'm emotional bit that the tears aren't necessarily wanted.

A lot of my shyness has gone because I've accepted myself and just allowed my feelings to be. And also accepted that I don't always have to express them there and then.

Bit a stern "get it together" helps.

I'm not a cryer in general, but for some reason loud noises make me well up. Sirens from emergency vehicles, for example, especially if they pass really close. I've felt more sensitive to loud noise recently because lockdown has been quite a quiet time, so loudness feels overwhelming.

Wow @TTCat39 that's really interesting I've never heard of that before. Perhaps a type of mysophonia? I have that and that evokes a physical response in me.

Lots of responses and things to try. I have tried the hash talking to myself frequently and that hasn't worked yet. I just want to be one of those strong, confident, got their shit together kinds of women - not a snivelling chiche 😒

@SingleHandSue

Me! I was always a little bit easy to tears but since my mum died 6 years ago I cry at everything.

Adverts, soaps, all films so much that I just don’t go to the cinema, music, kids singing tips me over the edge.

I actually rarely cry if something bad happens to me or those I love weirdly but if I hear of a stranger going through a bad time I’ll cry. It’s almost like I need a ‘safe’ crying outlet and other peoples emotions are safer than my own.

I’m so fucked up 🤣

Are you also me?

I’m a total crier and sob at films, adverts, even children singing!

I don’t get this though…took ds3 to swimming class this morning. I came back to the pool side to collect him and he was crying at the side of the pool, so of course felt like horrific mother and cried and had to walk away and wait for him to be dismissed

Why was DS crying-Couldn’t you have scooped him out to see what was wrong?! Why were you crying in the changing room instead of being with him?

Me! I cry at everything, although like a PP when something genuinely bad happens, or an emergency or something that most people would find upsetting - I’m very calm and don’t cry at all.

It’s like my cry switch is backwards 😂

I’m a lot less of a crier post menopause. I think I cried almost every day from 38-52. So far I’m loving menopause.

I can react like this. A friend who is a GP told me to press the tip of my tongue to the roof of my mouth a little way behind my front teeth. It works, for me anyway.

I imagine that doctors may often need not to be seen welling up in tears when dealing with sad situations.

@Howshouldibehave

I’m a total crier and sob at films, adverts, even children singing!

I don’t get this though…took ds3 to swimming class this morning. I came back to the pool side to collect him and he was crying at the side of the pool, so of course felt like horrific mother and cried and had to walk away and wait for him to be dismissed

Why was DS crying-Couldn’t you have scooped him out to see what was wrong?! Why were you crying in the changing room instead of being with him?

Because it was his first time going and parents are not supposed to be at the pool side. It's the swim schools policy and due to Covid restrictions. He was just uncertain because it was a new situation - kind of like first day at school. Is that ok?

I have always been a crier and was so embarrassed about it, I used to be told to " get a thicker skin " but no one explained how to do that and my family didn't cry like I did.

I never really identified it as never having been taught how to manage difficult emotions but that makes sense.

Anti depressants help me feel things a bit less intensely and getting older has helped also. I also don't really cry when bad things happen to me but to other people but it's happy events that really make me sob.

I've always been a crier. I do the tongue on the roof of my mouth trick but someone told me to force myself to smile . Apparently you can't smile and cry at the same time.