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Original poster

Tell me about when you met your second born

40 replies

Bluebell56 · 12/06/2021 23:08

I’m pregnant with my second. Having all sorts of thoughts and emotions - guilt that my eldest is still so young and I haven’t spent enough time with them, wondering how I will cope with 2 so young, beyond excited to watch siblings grow up together, wondering who and what they’ll be like, hoping I can give enough to both of them both physically and mentally, I don’t want to fail them and then I guess just completely overjoyed that I’ve been lucky enough to have another... all sorts.

So please, tell me about the time you met your second born, how it felt and how did they slip into your life? Was it complete adoration at first sight? I want to feel all the feels, but also of course be totally honest.

OP posts:

RhinestoneCowgirl · 12/06/2021 23:12

It was a much quicker labour second time, but although I felt protectiveness, proper love took longer to arrive (I felt this first time too)

I worried a lot about not having enough love to go around, but it all worked out.

SingingSands · 12/06/2021 23:14

I felt like I'd met the missing piece I'd been waiting for. He just completed our family and slipped into family life as if he'd always been there.

Nodney · 12/06/2021 23:18

I was so worried that I couldnt love no2 as much as no1 but I did, of course! With DS1 I didn't have the instant rush of love that I expected- it kind of built over the first three months. But with DS2 I did get the rush of love as soon as I saw him. DS1 started school a few months after DS2 was born and I missed him and our one-to-one time so much. I was missing not having him as an only child, for a while. But they are the best of friends now and lovely together (mostly!).

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mindutopia · 12/06/2021 23:22

I felt it was much easier. I didn't feel much for my first when she was born. I didn't want anything bad to happen to her, but she was sort of this difficult thing I had to be responsible for. It took weeks and weeks to feel much more than that. With my second, I didn't feel the rush of love either, but it was much more natural. He slotted in just perfectly and it was like he had always been meant to be there. It really was just so much easier. It also helps that you know what you're doing.

Hardbackwriter · 12/06/2021 23:23

I was secretly upset and worried when DS2 arrived because I didn't feel the huge, immediate rush of love I did with DS1. I needn't have worried - I'm not quite sure when the love arrived but he's 16 weeks now and my gosh it's here. I've also been astonished at how contented I've been and how enjoyable these first few months have been - I really didn't get on well with the newborn stage first time round but this time it's been just lovely. Congratulations on your pregnancy and don't worry about finding the love for two; you don't have to find it, it turns up.

EatingAllThePies · 12/06/2021 23:25

I had a horrendous birth, ended up in surgery, after serious PND after my first. But it suddenly all fit. I was much more relaxed, nothing phased me and I finally enjoyed being a mum. Lack of sleep and pain felt much less awful because I knew it would end.

LineofFruity · 12/06/2021 23:37

When I saw DC1 I felt a weight of responsibility. Love too, but also a sense of something changing forever. At the time I couldn’t imagine loving another child as much.

When I saw DC2 it was an explosion of love. I guess I already had the responsibility. I was giddy and just stared, my heart suddenly felt so much bigger. I was completely unprepared for it.

GroggyLegs · 12/06/2021 23:45

Meeting DcC2 was just relaxed and lovely - I knew I could be a mum, I knew I would love him, I knew what to do to care for him, I just wanted to get him home & start our lives as a family of 4.

I felt terribly guilty that I'd 'ruined DS1 life' for a while, but seeing them together, I gave him so much more than he ever lost - they bicker endlessly but they (currently) adore each other.

All the bursts of love you get with one - when they're sleeping, or they roar with laughter - it's not shared, it's doubled. I never expected that.

All the best for your pregnancy & the birth.

Aria2015 · 12/06/2021 23:57

Fell straight in love with dc2, the same as I did with dc1. Had a weird first week where dc1 suddenly felt so enormous and grown up that sort of threw me, but he started to shrink back down (in my eyes) again the following week. I was worried about loving one more than the other, but I can genuinely say that's not been a problem. It sounds cheesebags but my heart just grew bigger to accommodate the extra love.

Wobbitcatcher · 13/06/2021 01:42

I was worried before dc2 arrived. I had immediate love and just recognised dc1 as my child (he looks just like me) as soon as he was born. I was expecting another ds (didn’t find out the sex) but dc2 was a girl and looked like her dad so I didn’t quite expect that and it threw me a little bit.

I had an amazing birth with her and she was such an easy going baby (my son was much much harder)
I’ve enjoyed being her mother so much more than the same time with my first.

It’s been incredibly healing in many ways.

My son also loves her and she absolutely adores him, I don’t think he remembers a time before her and he’s 3.5, she’s 7 months.

Overall it’s been significantly easier and a more smooth transition than I was expecting.

She’s already got such a cheeky personality and it’s fascinating how similar they are and their differences too.

MiloAndEddie · 13/06/2021 07:35

It felt amazing, like I’d accomplished something unbelievable. I felt instantly in love. I felt how I assumed I should’ve felt after having DC1. I didn’t get any of that with DC1 because I had the most horrendous labour and birth.

DonLewis · 13/06/2021 07:39

I was worried that I wouldn't love dc2 the same way. I honestly felt my heart double in size when I 'met' him. I had no idea that my capacity to love would double! It was mind blowing.

I can see how completely cheesy that sounds. But it's true!

Soubriquet · 13/06/2021 07:40

Longer labour, more painful (back to back) but there was the instant love and bond I had with him that I didn’t have with my dd (felt guilty for that one).

He was also a high needs baby which mean dd was pushed to the side even more, but luckily she was very independent for a just turned 2 year old, and between the two of us 2 of us, we managed to give dd one to one time whilst the other was with the baby.

Roselilly36 · 13/06/2021 07:46

Many congrats OP

Don’t worry, you will be fine when baby arrives, your love will expand, not divide so your first child won’t miss out.

My experience with DS2 was, 2.30hr labour, he arrived at night so my toddler 21mths was asleep, MIL stayed to look after him. We were home the next morning. DS1 was really pleased to meet his new little brother. No problems with jealousy etc it was like DS2 was always there. My two are 19 & 18 now, very close brothers & best friends.

Good luck.

moovinon · 13/06/2021 07:51

With my first I didn't feel the rush of love and kind of thought it was something people made up. With my 2nd I felt an overwhelming amount of love straight away. I wanted to protect her. I was completely besotted with her. I had enough love for both girls.

There was a bit sense of trying to protect her from the eldest as she got quite jealous and would try and kick her etc.

I wouldn't say she "slotted in" so much as she was a hard baby who wanted to be held all the time and you certainly couldn't take her out for a coffee etc as she would go nuts. I would say life completely revolved around my youngest for about 8 months and then slowly the girls started to get used to each other and ply a little bit etc and then everything just felt so right.

happyface42 · 13/06/2021 08:01

My second labour was so much quicker and easier than my first and as soon as she was placed onto my tummy I loved her (which I sadly didn't experience with my first due to the trauma I had just been through). Ever since her arrival my heart has felt whole for the first time ever (sorry that sounds so cheesy!)
I love both of my children more than anything and I only want two children so after having my first I didn't feel 'complete' but now I do.
It's still challenging having two LOs (mine are 3 and 7 weeks) but equally amazing! I felt the guilt for my first as well as I didn't want her to feel pushed out but she's adjusted amazingly and is such a loving big sister. Good luck!!

bookh · 13/06/2021 08:03

I was exactly the same. Lockdown with just dd1 and all day every day together, I was terrified.

When I saw dd2 it was like an extension of dd1. They became one. The love just engulfed them.

Plansandpresents · 13/06/2021 08:25

Nodney, your post is exactly what I experienced. I had a long induction and lots of intervention to give birth to DS1. He then spent several weeks in PICU. I loved him completely and wanted the best for him always, but I did not get an instant rush of love. I had a much easier, quicker birth with DS2. I was absolutely in love from the moment I set eyes on him. It felt like I had been waiting for him all my life. DS1 started school when DS2 was 3 months old. One of the many reasons why I was much happier when DS2 was a baby was because I had my little buddy DS1 with me chatting away, asking questions and being his lovely self.

Aozora13 · 13/06/2021 08:32

I had similar thoughts and fears to you. Like others I struggled a bit to adjust to motherhood with DC1 and it took a few weeks to understand how to love her. With DC2 I had a beautiful water birth and felt the rush of love immediately. She slotted right into the family and now they’re a bit older (4 and 2) it’s lovely seeing them play together.

So much so we decided to have DC3 and I’m now pregnant and full of the same wobbles!

Bumpsadaisie · 13/06/2021 08:41

It was a much quicker labour. I felt very good in the labour and really like "I can do this!"

He was my first boy so that fascinated me.

We were in the unit for a couple of days and he was quite content to lie on his back in his cot and hang out. I remember the surprise as eldest wanted to be held all the time and was very distress if you put her down. Strong feeling that this was a new person not just my eldest all over again.

There was a familiarity with having a baby and feeding - none of that to get used to. With my eldest even putting her in a car seat was a major operation, with my second it was all second nature.

But we got him and eldest (2 yrs 3 mths) in the car to leave hospital and take him home for the first time. DH and I looked at the TWO children in the back and felt a moment of panic. Also he put ds in the car and I strapped dd in and it was the start of that "you sort him, I'll sort her" approach to dividing up the parenting.

Worriesome · 13/06/2021 08:48

I felt more confident and ‘ready’ with number 2. I wasn’t as scared of the unknown I guess, as it was no longer unknown!

toolazytothinkofausername · 13/06/2021 08:50

Having my 2 boys close together was the best thing I ever did (18 months apart). DS2 slipped into our routine, and seeing them grow up together was so cute. Both had nappy changes at the same time, had a bottle at the same time, toilet trained them together. I remember sitting on the sofa watching Cbeebies, with a boy on each knee

Bumpsadaisie · 13/06/2021 08:52

I also felt v natural with my second. Not a rush of love as such but as if I knew him for a long time already and it was just completely natural that he should be here with us. Kind of not a surprise - like there had been a rather odd space when he went with us and now that had been put to rights.

And he was the sweetest sweetest little boy. He would sit in his bouncer with his huge eyes looking constantly astonished by the world. Which he probably was.

He adored his sister and the giggles between them 🤣 we had that tomy egg box toy where you can push down on an egg and it squeaks. She would do this for him and he would laugh hysterically. She would have good timing doing it - make him wait for the squeak so that he was beside himself with anticipation 🤣 he would I guess they were four months and 2 years 7 mths at this point. So funny.

She was a lovely sister and she used to hug him so gently like she was picking up a glass vase

cptartapp · 13/06/2021 08:59

He arrived much quicker than DC1. And surprised us being very blonde, unlike DC1. I found parenting second time around much easier, and despite never having a burning desire for a second, watching his relationship with his sibling over the years has been the single best part of parenting.

Bumpsadaisie · 13/06/2021 09:04

@cptartapp

I agree about the relationship.

My eldest is in yr7 and younger in y5. I pick her up and we chat in the car and then we pick him up. From the moment he gets in the car I realise that the main event is their relationship - they are urgently chatting about fortnite or mine craft or whatever and I am in the background to facilitate and appear when needed.

My own sibling was so much younger we didn't have that kind of bond, instead we were each (separately) very close to our mother.

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