Tell me about when you met your second born

[Bluebell56]

I’m pregnant with my second. Having all sorts of thoughts and emotions - guilt that my eldest is still so young and I haven’t spent enough time with them, wondering how I will cope with 2 so young, beyond excited to watch siblings grow up together, wondering who and what they’ll be like, hoping I can give enough to both of them both physically and mentally, I don’t want to fail them and then I guess just completely overjoyed that I’ve been lucky enough to have another... all sorts.

So please, tell me about the time you met your second born, how it felt and how did they slip into your life? Was it complete adoration at first sight? I want to feel all the feels, but also of course be totally honest.

I was worried that I wouldn't love my 2nd DC as much as my 1st. My thinking was, I had SO much love for this little person how could I possibly love another one as much? But you just do!

My 2nd labour was shorter (1st stage) but there were complications during the 2nd stage and it became a shoulder dystocia birth. I spent the first few minutes after birth thinking he was dead, watching doctors crowd round him resuscitating him, I can picture it now 14 years later.

To say that I felt relief when they brought him over is an understatement. I kissed his little head before they whisked him off again. The love was already there, there was no 'rush of love' (I hadn't even felt that with my 1st, it took a while to come).

I now have 3 DCs, they bring me joy every day.

Please don't spend any time worrying how things 'will be'. Everything just falls into place and you manage things on a day to day basis.

Good luck on this exciting time!

DD1 arrived dramatically. I must have gone into shock after as I don't really remember anything until the next day. We had a rocky few days in hospital, but it got better after we escaped.

DD2 arrived in a more relaxed way, at home, with midwives presents (DD1 was an unattended birth in hospital!). We bonded a lot quicker. DD1 met her sister when she was an hour old. Then DH made it home two weeks later, an we had a lovely few months before he was off with work again.

My second was born in Janurary when my eldest had just turned 2. The birth was easier (no forceps this time!) And much faster. After he was born, the midwives were lovely and pretty much left us to it for a few hours, I was worried id forgotten how to wind a baby etc but it all came natural to both me and DH. DH gave the first bottle feed and was lovely to see him being a total natural winding this tiny baby when I was worried i'd be rubbish at first. Before the birth I was worried what would DS think about a baby, would his behaviour change, would he be kind to the baby or mean?
But he honestly was amazing and still is (baby is 5months today) I honestly think he doesn't remember a time before the baby was here now, it seems so normal that he's here for all of us and can't imagine it not being the 4 of us. :)

I read on here when I was pregnant with DS2 "love doesn't divide, it multiplies!" So it is possible to love another child as much as your first (as much as that seems hard to believe)

@Roselilly36 thank you so much, it means a lot. My son will be 22 months when son #2 will arrive so very similar to you! I’m glad he is too young for me to explain the change and try fight any jealousy because like you say it’ll be like our second was always here, I guess I’m just overwhelmed with emotions. I just want to be enough for them both. Your comment that my love won’t divide; just multiply, has been so helpful. Thank you x

I love my firstborn desperately. I found adjusting to parenting hard and we have the deep bond of two people who survived something tough together. He is a chip off my soul. But my second? She is pure joy. Barely had time to think about her while I was pregnant, had a disastrous emergency c section and felt genuinely surprised when I heard a baby cry… I think in all the drama, I’d forgotten what I was in hospital for! But then… there she was! I love them each so differently but so much. And their bond with each other (despite its ups and downs!) is magical. You have nothing to worry about!

My labour with DD2 was faster but there was some complications & when they put her on me I couldn’t really cope. It felt too overwhelming. I think I was just exhausted & trying to focus on staying calm so unfortunately I didn’t feel the rush. I don’t want to say it was a negative experience but it does make me feel a bit sad that I didn’t want to hold her right away. Fortunately my DH enjoyed the baby cuddles. I’ve never told anyone this before as it makes me feel awful.
Anyway, that didn’t last long. She’s a happy healthy 7yo and we have the best bond. Parenting 2nd time around is definitely easier and more fun as you don’t stress over the smallest things. Good luck.

Wow I actually felt how you feel right now! I think my now toddler was around 9months when I fell pregnant with my second, who is now 5 weeks old.
I’m not even going to lie and it sounds awful, but when I gave birth to my second, I didn’t feel any love when he was out into my arms after birth. Whereas with my first, I was so happy and felt the love as soon as she was put into my arms.
I’m not sure why I felt like that with my second but it could be that this time round I was in a lot more pain in labour and birth without epidural (just gas and air) so maybe I couldn’t process my newborn in that time as I went through so much in labour. With my daughter I eventually got the epidural so wasn’t in pain.
My feelings did change after a few days of birth though. Although it is very tough having two very young babies, they’re both amazing. I find it quite stressful at times especially when they’re both crying but I just get through it and think they’re both going to grow up soon and love each other. Can’t wait till my youngest is old enough to play with my older one. She already loves him so much

[quote Bluebell56]@Roselilly36 thank you so much, it means a lot. My son will be 22 months when son #2 will arrive so very similar to you! I’m glad he is too young for me to explain the change and try fight any jealousy because like you say it’ll be like our second was always here, I guess I’m just overwhelmed with emotions. I just want to be enough for them both. Your comment that my love won’t divide; just multiply, has been so helpful. Thank you x[/quote]
I guess the other thing to think of is that they WILL be jealous. Of course they will - jealous of each other. You can avoid it you have to take is as read and help them and yourself to manage it.

As well as being painful to be pushed out it helps us learn to share and to know that our mum loves us none the less because she also loves our baby brother.

Also helps us develop a realistic view of our loved people - they love us even if they can't devote their every moment to us - and to be able to tolerate that.

It sets the scene for Healthy adult love relationships where someone can allow their partner to have a life of their own without feeling deprived of love.

Your eldest will feel pushed out. It's unavoidable!

It's part of life and it is set off against the love and delight your boys will feel and take in each other.

As a mum you can help by understanding jealous feelings are normal - maybe trying to help them understand them - kind of detoxifies it.

We all have experiences of our kids loathing each other one minute and fighting to the death over the last magnum ... feeling despair about how they can't get along and guilt - only to find that 30 mins later they are allies again.

It's such an important relationship I think!

• can't

@Bumpsadaisie hey, yeah I understand this will happen I was more explaining that I don’t have to do groundwork now, such as books and up front talks, to explain there’ll be a new person in our life as fortunately/unfortunately there’s still the communication barrier as he’s just over a year and not speaking yet so he doesn’t understand. Sibling rivalry will always happen, I’m not naive to that. Just that I don’t (more so - can’t) have to prepare him mentally : )

@RhinestoneCowgirl @SingingSands @Nodney @mindutopia @Hardbackwriter @EatingAllThePies @LineofFruity @GroggyLegs @Aria2015 @Wobbitcatcher @MiloAndEddie @DonLewis @Soubriquet @moovinon @happyface42 @bookh @Plansandpresents @Aozora13 @Bumpsadaisie @Worriesome @toolazytothinkofausername @cptartapp

Thank you all so so much for sharing your stories, they actually made me so emotional 😭 can I even blame the hormones? Not sure. I’m just overwhelmed at how lucky we are with also feelings of guilt at how I can love my second as much as my first but seems like it’ll just come naturally ❤️

Also Thank you @imsanehonest @Aroundtheworldin80moves @SpacePug @LorelaiVictoriaGilmore @Daisy829 @AyyX ❤️❤️❤️ I have loved reading your insights. I hope they keep coming in.

Also so sorry to those who had traumatic births - I’m glad some/most of you were able to heal and bond better and quicker with your second. This is the experience I’m hoping to have, ultra traumatic time with first so I’m determined to override this and create a more positive experience this time round 🤞🏻

You have so much joy ahead. The second baby teaches the first compassion and patience and sharing its tough sometimes feeling a bit torn between the two especially when the youngest needs you most, but my first has become such a kind and caring child as a result.

With my first DS, I was on a massive high from endorphins (hypnobirth) and felt like I could eat nails. I didn’t get the huge rush of love at all but just kept marveling at him.

DS1 was such a full on toddler from 19 months (when I fell pregnant with DS2) that I didn’t enjoy my second pregnancy as much, because I was lumbering and slow. And then I almost lost DS2 at 30 weeks pregnant and I think throughout the pregnancy I just kind of hadn’t thought about him, and the worry of losing him made me mentally “check out”.

When DS2 emerged however, oh my God. I never cried when my first was born, but cried when he was placed my my chest. He opened his eyes, looked straight at me and then looked around the room. I knew he was an “old soul”. He’s been here before.
The overwhelming rush of love was intense and made me feel far more vulnerable than I liked.

They’re 9&7 now and love each other fiercely.