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Original poster

Adult children and sex

32 replies

DirectionsForUse · 12/06/2021 07:00

Ds1 is 20, far too old for me to be thinking about this for the first time, I suppose, but he was 18yo when he was last able to socialise. It feels like he's gone from being a child to a man without any transition period iyswim.

Anyway, he's been out a lot in the last few weeks so I knew something had changed and he's now told me about his 18yo girlfriend. Smile

I'm really pleased that young people can live a bit again and we've had a conversation about respect and staying safe etc (which again he's too old for and it's not the first time, but..). I've told him he can invite her round any time. He's been to her house and met her parents (has brought cake home made by her mother, so I guess they don't hate him).

Anyway, If they're not already I imagine there'll be some sex. I do think they should have somewhere safe and comfortable to go, but I don't want to hear it in the room next door to mine!

What do young adults , living at home, do about sex? My parents would never have allowed us in my bedroom when I was that age which is one of the reasons I married very young

OP posts:
1988Username · 12/06/2021 07:02

When I was that age surely you take advantage of the time the parents go out? Or have plenty of money and and stop in an hotel on a Saturday night or something?

Original poster
DirectionsForUse · 12/06/2021 07:04

Ah, I am carer for a bedbound DH in the room downstairs. We are never "out".

OP posts:
romdowa · 12/06/2021 07:04

If you don't want to Hear it then when they are over, make am excuse to go out for a few hours 😅😅

Lollypop701 · 12/06/2021 07:13

Are your walls thin? They won’t want you hearing them either is my guess and it’s normal to be aware and respectful of others in the house. Get some sleep earphones and play music or earplugs if you’re worried?

ViaRia · 12/06/2021 07:16

Just based on my own memory or being that age (not too long ago), I think most young people would be mortified if they thought their parents could hear them having sex in the room next door.
I think most people will most likely wait until you’re out or asleep, and/or be careful not to make loud noises when others are at home.
It sounds like you can have quite open conversations with him and so if you do ever think they’re being a bit noisy, you could maybe just ask him to be respectful of others at home when he’s in bed with his girlfriend.
I know it is awkward but I think, hopefully, you could ignore one or two bed squeaks etc as long as they are both trying to be quiet and showing respect.

Onesnowynight · 12/06/2021 07:18

Ds is 21, and has had 2 serious girlfriends who stayed over. I know they were having sex as he said and to be honest, as soon as I’m in bed I’m flat out so wouldn’t notice anyway!

Breastfeedingworries · 12/06/2021 07:18

They will properly avoid having sex in your house though. I would let them sort it out between themselves. They could start saving and rent somewhere together, save to buy ect. Isn’t your problem.

Ragwort · 12/06/2021 07:18

I really don't think my job as a parent is to facilitate my DS's sex life - my DS is also 20 and I am confident he can manage without me providing the bed Hmm. Just think back to when you were that age and use your imagination Grin. He will be aware that his Dad is at home all the time and hopefully will be respectful of that fact.

MaMaD1990 · 12/06/2021 07:25

I was never allowed boys in my bedroom but when I was older and stayed with my boyfriend, I'd always feel SUPER weird if my parents were in the house so I'd never have sex - just wait for them to go out! You may find that they don't stay all too often at yours if there is always someone home, but there's nothing wrong with offering it up to your son but just say you'd prefer not to hear any 'funny noises' and leave it at that.

mindutopia · 12/06/2021 07:25

They’ll probably go to her house then. I lived in a small house with my mum just across the hall at that age. She was always home in the evenings. My boyfriends almost never stayed over. I always went to theirs where there was more space and privacy.

SleepyPartyTime · 12/06/2021 07:28

When I was that age we'd just have sex quietly or when people were out/busy/downstairs.

Faevern · 12/06/2021 08:04

I'm with Ragwort none of my DC's had partners staying overnight in their bed when I was home, not until they had their own homes and were here as guests. Otherwise I would have had a string of overnighters over the years and it strays into them hanging around, half dressed, hogging the bathroom, not going home for days... They no doubt stayed when I was on holiday, non of them moved out young they just managed their sex lives away from me.

newnortherner111 · 12/06/2021 08:08

I think conversations to ensure respect and contraception (including use of condoms) is more important. You could remind DS that you can hear from the next door room.

SweatyBetty20 · 12/06/2021 08:16

Judging by the number of people who head up to the motorway bridge at the end of my lane of an evening with sun shades in their car windows, your son won’t be the only one with this issue! They’ll find a way.

Original poster
DirectionsForUse · 12/06/2021 08:24

@SweatyBetty20

Judging by the number of people who head up to the motorway bridge at the end of my lane of an evening with sun shades in their car windows, your son won’t be the only one with this issue! They’ll find a way.
As we currently share a car I don't love that idea either Grin
OP posts:
legotruck · 12/06/2021 08:26

Both of my older teens stay at the other house Grin

DS18, has been at his girlfriend house for the past 2 months, covid has made their lives so different. DD20 stays at her boyfriends most Saturday nights and the occasional weekday night.

If I had a bigger house/different circumstances I would love to be the parent that welcomed them - I have no issue with adults having sex 'under my roof' - it's their roof too! However we have a small house and a younger D.C. who is autistic and doesn't cope well with visitors (I don't either but would cope) so overnights are a definite no. It's been like this for years. DS18 was the same until about 15/16 absolutely could not cope with anyone coming in the house.

BillywigSting · 12/06/2021 08:26

My dp is a couple of years older than me and I was at home for a year while he was in first year uni. I'd just go to his place and knock boots when his house mates were out.

He came to mine but we didn't have sex while my mum was home (my dad didn't live with us).

We moved in together pretty quickly and are still going 15 years later

Sillyduckseverywhere · 12/06/2021 08:38

I had a lot of sex with my mum sleeping next door in my teens, just do it quietly 🤫

Dozer · 12/06/2021 08:41

Would cross your fingers her parents go out a lot and he can spend time there!

shinynewapple21 · 12/06/2021 08:48

We allowed DS GF to stay over in his room after they were both 18. In fact she had a key and sometimes stayed at ours even when he wasn't there, as she attended PT college in our town . I realise that's not for everyone . They had been together a few months by this time . In fact they are living together now. I don't think I would have felt happy with an adult DC bringing lots of ONS home .

shinynewapple21 · 12/06/2021 08:53

These threads are funny actually .
There was one last week ago regarding a 16 year old boy wanting his GF staying over . Majority of posters were 'of course, that's fine' and I felt the one out saying we had not allowed until 18!!!

omgthepain · 12/06/2021 08:57

My parents weren't keen on boyfriends staying over and so I usually stayed with boyfriends but I bought my own house at 20 and so I had my own space by then. Very different nowadays with housing costs being so high.
As a parent myself now I'd much rather my kids were somewhere safe and clean and not some dirty b&b or in a park or a car!!

TheSunShinesBright · 12/06/2021 09:11

It’s strange because from 16 onwards I had friends of both sexes staying over regularly in my bedroom, often in my bed, sometimes on the floor after nights out.

The difference is, we were all just friends.
If I’d been out with just one of the boys, they’d stay over. Same with just girls or several girls/boys. Nothing ever happened & I definitely never had sex with any of them.

We’d just crash over at the nearest house whether it was mine or theirs. A few of them got together but they’d probably just disappear off somewhere or go back to their own house.

Some of us lived in big houses, others didn’t and it didn’t seem to matter. Parents let us get on with it.

Nobody really settled down until their late 20s so this went on for years at university, in rented houses etc.
I think people ‘get into relationships’ far to young, far too seriously nowadays.

Honestly they were the best years of my life!
No expectations, no boyfriend/girlfriend, just fun & friendship.

My own DC have had none of that so far thanks to Covid. Their social life is a bit rubbish tbh.

TheSunShinesBright · 12/06/2021 09:17

Otherwise I would have had a string of overnighters over the years and it strays into them hanging around, half dressed, hogging the bathroom, not going home for days...

You’ve just described my friendship group!
You can definitely get away with this in bigger houses! My own parents and a lot of my friends parents didn’t even know we were there half the time!

NannyAndJohn · 12/06/2021 09:20

DS needs to get his own place where they can bang to their hearts content.

Wouldn't be happening under my roof.