Anyone have a baby at 41? How was it?

[Oldermum6]

I’m TTC and keep intermittently worrying it’s not going to work because of my age.

Any mums who had babies in their 40s? Did you find it easy to conceive? Did the pregnancy go well? Did you feel “older” than the other new mums?

Just had a baby at 43. Conceived first try at 42 and a half. Baby is 5 months and a little poppet. Obviously being older you do worry about age and being around long enough etc. I'll be 68 when he's 25, my mum is 68 now and I'm 43. But I'm also financially secure, I don't need to put him in childcare, I'm not worried about paying bills like I was when I had my first at 23. I feel much more confident and relaxed and able to be a much better mother, I don't feel that utter exhaustion I did in my 20s. Having babies older is not the taboo it used to be.

First IVF at 36 and 2nd at 40 (41 when gave birth). Now have an 18 and 13 year old. I'd had 2 miscarriages before ds1 came along and another after him, all 3 conceived naturally. Got OHSS with ds1, very ill for the first 8 weeks or so, was told pregnancy wouldn't last in a very brusque way by the consultant, wish I'd complained now. Physically managed fine but both hard work with colic. With second ds difference was I knew ultimately it would get better which it did !

Op if you're starting out trying at 41, give it 5/6 months before you start looking at fertility tests and treatment. Be clear in your mind what you are prepared to do.
Treatments, ie IVF, have how many rounds.

I read statistics that a third of women who start TTC after 37 won't go on to have a baby. As the egg quality declines. It's not just a question of AMH which gives an indication of egg reserves. The eggs become old.

Your thread title has attracted the posters who successfully had babies in their 40s not the third who failed too.

Of the 40 plus mums I know, two were fertility baby's & one via adoption.
I also know another who started trying too late.

@EmergencyHydrangea

Took me twenty years to conceive. She was born when I was 41. Pregnancy wasn't great but it was fine. Had an emergency c section but healed well and quickly afterwards.

I am a lot older than many of my mum friends but it doesn't matter

Bless you, I can't imagine how long and hard those twenty years must have been. I thought trying for 4 years was hard!

We lost a baby this year. I’m 39. The staff at the hospital, however, were pretty positive that we should try again if we wanted, and said that on the night I miscarried, the average age was higher in the delivery suite than on the ward for pregnancy loss. I also know of at least five mums in my social circles who have had healthy babies in their 40s, so I would certainly say go for it.

I did too ! Dc1 at 39 and DC2 at 41 - I conceived DC2 way more easily than my first and aside from some spotting in first trimester ( same with first pregnancy ) I had zero issues at all. Easy pregnancy and an easy delivery - he was actually an amazing unplanned home birth .
I do recall how hard it is to keep the faith when you hear so much about age making it harder to conceive / miscarriage risks etc but even though you that is true I know plenty of women having unremarkable experiences in early 40s.
My midwife laughed when I mentioned my age and said she sees plenty of mid 40s first time mums and even if they have needed IVF to get pregnant the pregnancies aren't necessarily any different than a younger woman's experience !
They are both at primary school now and I don't really feel any difference to other parents . They are plenty of others my age and although I agree with PP that peri menopause makes life harder I can't say I am not keeping up so far !
Threads like this remind me how grateful I am it all worked out for me and DH as conceiving first time felt like it was never going to happen .
Good luck OP

My midwife laughed when I mentioned my age and said she sees plenty of mid 40s first time mums and even if they have needed IVF to get pregnant the pregnancies aren't necessarily any different than a younger woman's experience !

I think that's it in a nutshell, the experience of pregnancy and giving birth / raising children won't be much different. The big issue is getting pregnant in the first place.

Yes, things like autism are on my radar. My DH is in his 50s. And he does get mistaken for our son’s grandad. I’m fine about my age, but DS might be uncomfortable with it when he gets older. We have to be ready for that, when it comes up.
Before getting pregnant, I did worry about any health issues the baby might have, and made DH aware that he should be prepared that the baby might not be neuro-typical or could have physical difficulties. But as other PP said, this is a worry in any pregnancy.

@sadgirl45

For balance also I know of 3 mums of children with autism and all were 43-43 when born.

2 are at special school and 1 DS aged 8 now about to go on a waiting list

All DH 42/44.

Autism surprisingly common in older mothers and fathers

I agree with this to an extent. Having posted earlier about having DS at 42, he is indeed autistic. Having said that I have plenty of younger friends with autistic children and I don't think it can be blamed on age. My ex-h and his father are autistic so I think it's more likely that 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yes we worried a lot about Autism and downs . All the ASD kids I know bar one were born to younger parents - but with a family history of those conditions.
It's hard as to me it's seems autism is so much more often recognised and diagnosed now than in previous years that makes it more likely that any child born now will be diagnosed ?
I have said that really badly - am clearly not a statistician!!

Ds2 is autistic and born when I was 42 and DH was 37 - I’ve never heard of parental age being a factor.

Reviving this thread as I got a BFP this week!

A bit scared after reading the responses about autism. Also aware it could all to go wrong, as I know miscarriages are common at my age (I’m 40 and I’ll be 41 when the baby is born).

I’m hoping to hear some more positive stories about women who had babies at my age!

Congratulations OP ! Wonderful news.
Wish you a smooth and uneventful pregnancy . It's always a nervy time. Try to enjoy it. I would give anything to do it all again my youngest is 8 tomorrow! Such special times thinking back to it all now.

I had one at 40 and another at 44. It was tiring. I seemed to conceive at the drop of a hat. Both pregnancies were fine, except that my youngest decided waiting until 41 weeks +6 days, it was August and he was huge! Those last couple of weeks weren't comfortable. I didn't feel older than the other mums until they went to school really, but I can be friends with any age. I'm still extremely tired, mostly bc my DD, who's 13, goes to bed late but needs me to stay up to say goodnight, or she can't sleep.

@Oldermum6 congratulations! Wishing you a smooth and healthy pregnancy! X

I don't think 41 is old. For me, I wouldn't plan a pregnacy at that age if i already had a child / children.

I think part of the issue with having children older is if you want more than 1 (and don't get multiplies 1st time around) you are tempted to have a very small gap between pregnancies and that in itself is hard on the body at any age. Or if doing IVF, will implant more than one embryo therefore increasing the likelihood of multiples and the known risks that brings to mother and babies.

I am definitely more tired and less fit since turning 40 myself but that's me. I am also pretty worn out by the two children I have so a 3rd pregnancy now would be hard! A first pregnacy at my age might be less so.

I was mid 30s and late 30s for mine, and had fertility issues to get over, so not exactly young or an easy path to motherhood either.

There are those who claim you're never too old to have a baby and that women get treated and judged differently to men. I disagree and think you can be too old. Sure anyone can due anytime at any age but the risks and probability of dying or developing a serious illness like cancer do increase with age - surely that is undisputed?
And however much we drive for gender equality, women (biological women) are the ones who carry a pregnacy and give birth and so carry the risks of those unlike men.

On autism and other developmental and health conditions, there is evidence that older parental age - the father's age especially according to some studies - does affect the chances of a child being affected. I have also seen research which suggests that the risks differ according to family history of autism, for example.

Of course, anything is possible regardless of the age of the parents, and individuals make their own assessments of risk but we can't deny the risks exist. And the lack of support available for raising children with these added challenges is the real issue.

I know someone who recently became a mum for the 2nd time at 41, a surprise, bonus regnancy after having last chance success at IVF/ ICSI less than 2 years previously

I also know a mum who had her 3rd at 42 (all 3 are IVF babies / children with the oldest being just 6).

The latter had trouble free pregnancies. The former strugglesd hugely with pelvic pain issues through both pregnancies and given the spacing between them, never really recovered from the first before the second got underway. She regards herself as quite disabled due to the issues still.

Both are delighted with their families though especially after the difficulties conceiving.

On autism and other developmental and health conditions, there is evidence that older parental age - the father's age especially according to some studies - does affect the chances of a child being affected. I have also seen research which suggests that the risks differ according to family history of autism, for example.

Don’t confuse correlation with causation…

One explanation for the why older fathers are more likely to have autistic children has been given that autistic men are more likely to have autistic children, and autistic men are more likely to take longer to find a committed relationship
When the studies looked at children born to older fathers who already had children born much earlier (eg second marriages) there isn’t such a clear link

TenBob interesting point. I can see how that might happen.

(I'll check back on the research to as if the authors made the correlation/causation mistake...)

Congratulations @Oldermum6. That is wonderful news. I’m a younger mum and it has been the most exhausting, expensive and at times depressing thing I’ve ever done but also the best thing I’ve ever done.

My colleague had her first at 47 naturally. Perfectly healthy little girl now in primary school

I conceived at 41, had my daughter just before I turned 42. Conceived the first month of trying, pregnancy was easy, the only issue was she was breech so I had an elective c section. Recovery from that was also pretty easy. I didn't feel especially old until she started school, but there are two other mums in her class the same age as me so am not a complete outlier. I don't think I stand out as particularly old, no one has ever mistaken me (or her dad) as her grandparents. We are knackered but that's because she doesn't sleep. She is perfectly fit and healthy with no issues. There is a lot of scaremongering. My 3 good friends from uni also had babies in their 40s with no issues (the rest of them all had two in their 40; we were too knackered from complete lack of sleep to even contemplate it that quickly...I'd do it now but I'm 48 now and that does seem a bit old!)

Congratulations! @Oldermum6

You are same age I was when I got pregnant with my first son. I got pregnant with my second at 44 after two miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy. Both my pregnancies were very straightforward, apart from the usual nausea and acid reflux. Oh and elephant feet and ankles But nothing untoward. I had two very short labours and 'uneventful' births.

Since autism has been mentioned, DS1 is currently being assessed. He is almost 13 and has displayed a number of traits over the years, which have been flagged up by teachers as being of note rather than concern and autism was mentioned. We originally had him assessed for ADHD, emphasis very much on the inattentiveness, which has been diagnosed in DH's family, but the consultant concluded that he didn't have it and, on her suggestion, we're heading down the autism route now. A couple of parents I know who have children with autism have asked me if DS has it. His brother hasn't displayed any signs of autism.

When I was at antenatal classes, there was a mixture of all ages and I was pleasantly surprised. I do feel (and indeed am) older than other mums at the school gates, particularly DS2's friends' mums who are a good ten or fifteen years younger than me. But for some reason I have gotten along much better with them than the parents from DS1's class who are a little bit closer to my age. Maybe they think I'm some wise old guru or something😂😂 Nothing could be further from the truth.

You'll be grand, honestly. Hope you have a lovely pregnancy