Do your parents/PIL childproof for grandchildren coming to stay?

[Jellybabiesforbreakfast]

Just curious about this as my friend and I have had very different experiences with taking children to stay with grandparents. I know there's no right or wrong answer. We were chatting about this the other day and I'd be interested to know what people think.

My parents have always had a stairgate over the bottom and top of their stairs (although no longer needed since my DC is now 3) and have a fire-guard. My DF also covered the heavy metal fire surround (which is easily tripped over) with foam in case my DC cracked their head open on it and he removes the wobby solid stone ornaments in the garden from their pedestals in case my DC knocks one onto himself when running around. My DM also puts all breakables out of the way (although DC is probably old enough not to touch now) and, since it became apparent that DC can let themselves out the front door, they've put a bolt at the top of the door that DC can't reach. PIL do slightly less but they still have a removable stairgate for the top of their very steep stairs (carpeted, with a solid stone floor at the bottom) and have taught my DC to go down the stairs on their bottom. Also, DC is practically never alone since DFIL is great at following them about and minding them and has been fantastic since DC was first crawling. If I tell him I want to have a sleep or a shower, he'll happily supervise DC for me while I do that.

My friend visited her parents for a few days over Christmas at parents' request. Parents were very excited about the visit. She has two DC, one just 3 and one 1.5. Both very active. Parents didn't babyproof anything, despite my friend asking if she could have stairgates delivered. They had open fires with no fireguards in the kitchen and living-room. Also a dog-flap they leave open during the day to their garden, which is quite big and on several levels with stone steps everywhere and a greenhouse. Their view is that this is fine because it is the parents' responsibility to supervise their children. My friend was on her own with the two kids (husband working Christmas) and no play-pen or anywhere to put the little one (although she did have a travel buggy she strapped them into when she needed to go to the toilet). PIL have quite a lot of breakables and antiques and my friend didn't have a shower the whole time they were there as she felt she couldn't take her eyes off the children. Her parents are now asking her to bring them to visit again but she really doesn't want to take them since it was so stressful last time, even though her husband could probably come this time. However, the parents live over 6 hours drive away so the only way they can visit is to stay with them (or book an airbnb nearby, which my friend is considering).

Is it ok not to stay with grandparents if they won't childproof or supervise the children at all or do parents just need to suck it up and accept that visits may be stressful but it's their responsibility to supervise their kids?

My parents had a stairgate when grandkids were little, as all 5 (2 ours) were over quite a lot because we were all local and they babysat frequently. But no more than that.

I have never come across GPs childproofing. In fact when we only had 1 DC we didn't either. We were in rented accommodation that wasn't adaptable. I wouldn't leave a DC in a room alone and would probably rather a fire wasn't lit unless it had one of those fire guard that bolt to the wall but I wouldn't stay away from family or indeed any one else because they hadn't adapted themselves to us. What an odd idea.

We never had a stair gate for our own and we always have a fireguard. But when gc came along we put up a stair gate as she is not used to stairs and we definitely wanted no accidents. When gc comes either l or dh follow her if she goes outside and generally keep a close eye as we love playing with her and so her dps have a break. We moved no ornaments, plants etc for our own or for gc.
I would not go to a house to stay where folks refused to watch dc even for 10 mins. My favourite part of visiting inlaws when dc were young was dc going up to have breakfast with GPS while l stayed in bed. The luxury of a lie on!! DC always ate foods at GPS they wouldn't eat at home and it was a lovely time for GPS to have them to themselves
( and they weren't very hands on but did that much)
She has to be honest with her parents if they want visits..unless they are totally incapacitated they need to help. They are not slow to express their opinion so she should follow that pattern.

I think it depends on potential consequences if there is an accident. At my PIL, they have a very steep flight of carpeted stairs that lead straight down onto a flagstone floor. I've slipped down it myself a couple of times so I've insisted on a stair-gate when DC has been staying there as I can easily see them going flying and landing head first on the stone floor. Similarly, with open fires, the risk may be low if children are supervised the whole time but a moment's inattention could lead to catastrophic injuries. Also open windows above ground floor. As for ornaments and breakables, I'd be less bothered since the risk isn't really that my DC will be killed or seriously injured but that they might break something of actual or sentimental value. So I'd probably still go but for short visits only and supervise closely.

My DF didnt but I insisted that DS did not touch anything and nothing got broken. My DF stairs had an enclosed hallway and DS never fell down them.

We didn't bother with stair gates in our own home. We just supervise closely.

I don't think not baby proofing is unreasonable but I do think the grandparents should be happy to supervise for toilet trips, showers, etc

My DDad put up stairgates .
PIL house had an open (bannisterless) staircase so I had to keep an eye on DC 100%

My DMum left her tablets hanging about , DD ate one (but thankfully spat it out ) DMum was all "Well she shouldnt have touched them they aren't hers"
DD was 2yo

And when I was about 6yo I ate an entire bottle of Hariborange Vitamins . No ill effects thankfully but obvs my DMum hadn't learned .

DPS have a stair gate and locked cleaning cupboard.

PIL move stuff around put haven't bought anything specific. Their house is smaller so the children roam less.

My parents don’t and it has made visits very very exhausting. But they don’t mind me bringing baby stuff and would watch the children if needed, and have been okay with it if I’ve asked to move the porcelain ornaments to a higher shelf etc. I think they’ve just forgotten what small children are like.

I didn’t expect them to but also nor did I childproof my own house, with the exception of fire guards around the open fires.

I'd say it's up to your friend to provide the basic safety equipment. We got a pressure fit stair gate that was left at PILs, and I think SIL got a fire guard for them. It wasn't that they didn't care or would have refused to buy either. It just seemed to make sense for us to take responsibility.
At my mum's (Where we'd only visit for a few hours) I'd just move anything breakable from low surfaces.

Now I'm grandmother to a toddler who I look after occasionally, I have a stair gate, and before she arrives I go round putting socket covers on (she loves the switches) and move anything that is either precious or a choking risk out of her reach. Oh, and put a the safety latch on the cupboard that had cleaning stuff and bleach in. But that's it.

My DM baby proofed her house completely. The in-laws did absolutely nothing. They stored all their cleaning products on the bathroom floor, their medication was on side tables and upstairs windows were left wide open with bedside tables or chairs underneath. They constantly wanted to be left alone with dc but it was stressful enough as it was without leaving them in sole charge.

I'm granny, I have stair gates and remove anything breakable when dgs visits mostly because I like to sit and talk to my dd and to do that dgs needs freedom to play.

My 3 granddaughters ( age 5 2 and2) visit 3 to 4 times a week....I have a stair gate at the bottom....and a fire guard round log burner....thatsparents are expected to supervise their children....unless kids are with me....then I supervise them....I don’t move my Knick knacks or anything else...they have never broken anything to date

Mine dug a massive pond when I was pregnant with DC1 but they did buy a highchair to keep at theirs and would happily take baby DC off so I could sit and have a cup of tea. All went to pot when the DC got older as they were also of the "we told them not to run in the road so they won't and no we don't need to hold their hands" school of thought. We did all meet ups on neutral ground or at ours for a long while.

MIL has much older GC which she did childcare for, but had moved past all that and had, for example, removed the boarding over the child sized gaps on the stair bannisters and the fireguard was long gone. I once left her with a crawling DC when I went for a quick shower and came back to him screaming with blood pouring out of his forehead and she hadn't noticed he was crying nor hurt so I never left him with her again even to go to the loo. We started to stay in an AirBnB, which was far more relaxing than packing multiple highchairs and playpens.

To be honest if the grandparents live 6 hours away, presumably they don't visit often. It doesn't seem reasonable to expect the grandparents to shell out lots of money for stair gates, playpens etc. Plus find somewhere to store them for the 50 weeks of the year they're not in use. Can't your friend bring her own equipment if she wants to use it.

@hiredandsqueak. My DM is the same . Since DC has been on the move, we've been able to turn up, shut the stairgate to upstairs and just sit and have a rest while DC plays, which is lovely.

If your DC's grandparents are in the "it's for the parents to supervise" camp, do they also expect you to talk to them and help with the cooking and other chores or are they OK with you just following the kids around the whole time?

@ChocOrange1. She'd happily do that but her parents don't want stairgates and travel cots cluttering up the house... they think they're unnecessary.

Interesting range of replies here. I would never expect anyone to baby proof their house for me, especially not stair gates which can leave horrible marks on the walls. I keep an eye on them in other people's houses.

[quote Jellybabiesforbreakfast]@ChocOrange1. She'd happily do that but her parents don't want stairgates and travel cots cluttering up the house... they think they're unnecessary.[/quote]
But the travel cot would only be there during the visit and would take up less space than a mattress on the floor?

I fell out with my in-laws over this - it was very sad

They wanted the DC to stay but I wasn’t happy with the house. Medicines kept low down, paper knives out, glad vases on fireplaces. Stair gates was the least of the issue. I gently explained that at their age they couldn’t keep up with the DCs and if they wanted the kids there without me then it was my terms or nothing!

It was v stressful but we got there in the end

@SpacePotato. I agree entirely! I can't see why anyone would object to a travel cot unless they think kids should be in a bed by that age or something.

Your friends parents are either spectacularly unkind or batshit crazy (or both).

My inlaws are Very Cautious And Safety Aware (getting out of any door involves finding keys hidden elsewhere in the house, it’s a frigging fire risk as far as I’m concerned) and are very good at baby proofing. BUT. The entire house is shades of neutral/cream and is very very clean. This does not make a relaxing stay. The children are in the kitchen and we ate (at the same time) in the (cream carpeted) dining room when we most recently visited.