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Original poster

Invite from twins

58 replies

WineIsMyMainVice · 07/06/2021 08:23

Hi. My DD is friends with a twin in her class. (The twins are boy/girl).
Their mum has sent out an invitation for a picnic in the park type celebration for their 9th birthday. Should I bring a gift for the brother also? Or is it fine to just take one gift for DDs friend?

OP posts:
AmazingBouncingFerret · 07/06/2021 08:56

Either a present each or a board game they can play together?

womaninatightspot · 07/06/2021 08:59

As a mum of twins everyone has always given a present to each for parties. I am not bothered and would be happy if they had one to share or none. Children like the choosing, wrapping and giving of presents though.

Since people gave my twins two presents though it does mean they give seperate presents as well though. I just feel that it'd mean not to since precedent has been formed.

Lalliella · 07/06/2021 08:59

Both unless specified otherwise.

Bigassbeebuzzbuzz · 07/06/2021 09:04

Ds2 is best friends with a boy twin in a b/g set.
Normally they have a joint party so ide either buy them a joint present (board game etc) or buy them a little something each.

Spied · 07/06/2021 09:09

Gift for friend. Token gift ( chocolate/book) for the other.

Sally872 · 07/06/2021 09:14

When my dd was invited to a joint party I took a gift for the child who was her friend and a small token gift (box of chocolates or sweets) for the other child who was also at the party. Probably not necessary but I was worried about appearing rude so thought this covered it.

LittleDoritt · 07/06/2021 09:15

I give for both when the invitation says "You are invited to A and B's party", and for just one when the invitation says "You are invited to A's party", even if I know it's also B's birthday.

Redcrayons · 07/06/2021 09:19

One each. Doesn’t have to be anything big, a bag of sweets would be enough, but definitely not something to share.

DownToTheSeaAgain · 07/06/2021 09:21

As parent of twins I would say one for each. Not because it is grabby but because it is absolutely awful for the one who doesn't get a present. Doesn't have to be something big.

But not a shared present. That is worse than nothing at all.

RainbowCrayons · 07/06/2021 09:29

Can someone expand on the 'not a shared gift' please? I don't understand the logic here and don't want to commit a faux pas in the future! My first thought would be garden games (assuming they have a garden) that they could share, particularly for a spring/summer born birthday party. Is that a bad idea?

eattolive · 07/06/2021 09:33

It used to feel really grabby when my children were invited to joint birthday parties i.e. one party, with cost split between parents, but 2 (or sometimes 3) presents expected. However, if it is a twins, I would only expect 1 party and happily take a gift for each.

Goodmorninglights · 07/06/2021 09:34

Definitely just their friend!

womaninatightspot · 07/06/2021 09:37

@DownToTheSeaAgain

As parent of twins I would say one for each. Not because it is grabby but because it is absolutely awful for the one who doesn't get a present. Doesn't have to be something big.

But not a shared present. That is worse than nothing at all.

I suppose all twins are different apart from a few favoured toys everything is shared here. Twins will often choose to buy something bigger with their pocket money and share rather than little things. My two would be happy to recieve a puzzle or game to share.
LindaEllen · 07/06/2021 09:37

@SinkGirl

It’s a birthday party for both of them so yes take a gift for both.

People are weird with twin gifts - at times we’ve had two identical books, and one jumper between them 😂 I don’t care whether anyone gives them gifts or not (they have no concept of presents so they don’t care either) but sometimes it’s a bit odd.

I would personally take a gift for both if you can.

I get that the jumper thing is weird, but don't really understand why getting two copies of the same book is weird.

My twin cousins often had the same toy/book as each other because what if they both wanted to read it at the same time? I think it's really important to bring them up as their own people and not just assume that one between them will always be fine.

LindaEllen · 07/06/2021 09:39

@RainbowCrayons

Can someone expand on the 'not a shared gift' please? I don't understand the logic here and don't want to commit a faux pas in the future! My first thought would be garden games (assuming they have a garden) that they could share, particularly for a spring/summer born birthday party. Is that a bad idea?
Because they're two separate children. They need their own gifts for their own birthday, they don't want to just grow up in each other's shadows.
ElizabethTudor · 07/06/2021 09:40

@RainbowCrayons

Can someone expand on the 'not a shared gift' please? I don't understand the logic here and don't want to commit a faux pas in the future! My first thought would be garden games (assuming they have a garden) that they could share, particularly for a spring/summer born birthday party. Is that a bad idea?
Because they are separate people, and twins often get lumped together : The Twins, sent one card, shared gifts etc... This doesn’t happen to other siblings, so it shouldn’t happen to twins. Treat them as two individuals.
IndecentCakes · 07/06/2021 09:42

As a twin - a small gift for both is nice. Shared gifts are not so much, my sister and I are very alike but as kids it was nice to have something separate just for me, even if small!

Rosebanks · 07/06/2021 09:42

What can you afford? Buy for both if you can comfortably do so, but only for one if you are on a tight budget. It's been a tough year financially for many people.

LindaEllen · 07/06/2021 09:42

@eattolive

It used to feel really grabby when my children were invited to joint birthday parties i.e. one party, with cost split between parents, but 2 (or sometimes 3) presents expected. However, if it is a twins, I would only expect 1 party and happily take a gift for each.
It's a bit ironic that you call that grabby, because I think YOUR attitude is grabby.

You're basically saying that you're only giving a child a birthday present if their parents spend a sufficient amount of money on the party/activity that your child gets to experience in return. That attitude sucks.

You can get presents for a couple of quid each for goodness sake - more often than not the costs of a party (even shared) are much more expensive than the amount the kids receive in gifts so if you really must play the game of comparing costs, think about it properly.

I am very glad that you 'only expect one party' for twins. Parents of twins everywhere will be sighing with relief.

Lullabymummy17 · 07/06/2021 09:44

I'm having twins... I think I'd much prefer something to share, garden games or something like that. My DD gets soooo much for her birthday off family and friends and we have had to put things away for use later in the year as she just hasn't been interested. I couldn't be arsed with that x3 Grin

I understand what you're saying about they're their own person, but getting a shared present will also teach them to share.

Redcrayons · 07/06/2021 09:47

@RainbowCrayons

Can someone expand on the 'not a shared gift' please? I don't understand the logic here and don't want to commit a faux pas in the future! My first thought would be garden games (assuming they have a garden) that they could share, particularly for a spring/summer born birthday party. Is that a bad idea?
Would you like to share your birthday presents with your sibling? What if it’s something only one of them was into?

They already get classed as one person for so many things, perhaps they can both feel a bit special on their birthday?

Whosaidit · 07/06/2021 09:48

We’re going to a twin party soon, one boy one girl. The whole class is invited, which means they’ll get 60 gifts in total if everyone brings 2. I am taking 2 gifts as the invite was from both twins, but the thought of 60 gifts is something I definitely wouldn’t want if I was a twin parent. However if they weren’t twins, but still both siblings had a whole class party then there would still be 60 gifts, just not on the same day

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 07/06/2021 09:53

@Whosaidit

We’re going to a twin party soon, one boy one girl. The whole class is invited, which means they’ll get 60 gifts in total if everyone brings 2. I am taking 2 gifts as the invite was from both twins, but the thought of 60 gifts is something I definitely wouldn’t want if I was a twin parent. However if they weren’t twins, but still both siblings had a whole class party then there would still be 60 gifts, just not on the same day
but if they weren't twins and your child only knew one of them they would not be invited to the other kid's birthday.
IndecentCakes · 07/06/2021 09:54

Shared gifts: It's nice to not have to share just once, sometimes. We shared a uterus, parents, a bedroom a birthday and a face Grin

SinkGirl · 07/06/2021 10:05

@IndecentCakes

Shared gifts: It's nice to not have to share just once, sometimes. We shared a uterus, parents, a bedroom a birthday and a face Grin
I’m assuming these b/g twins don’t share a face, though 😬