Bridezilla fall out - can a friendship be fixed?

[Jamjarcandlestick]

Bridezilla and I have been friends since primary school. She's always been the mature, level-headed, down to earth but always wanting to have a laugh out of the friendship group.

Since she's been organising her wedding she's completely and utterly changed. The last few months I've been treated as an ATM and a door mat. The whole process she's never asked me if i'm okay with helping with XYZ I've literally been told. I heard from her great aunt maud that i'd be picking her up before the ceremony (it's a two hour detour!)

Last weekend I was told I had to do XYZ and spend on ABC and she cut our coffee bill exactly who had what. The first time i've tried to stick up for myself i've been told that I should deal with it as i'm her BFF.

This wedding, myself and my partner won't have much change out of a grand, and that's with us making cut backs.

I'm guessing this is going to cause resentment that's not just going to last until the wedding? Any words of wisdom?

You say calmly the next time she demands you do or pay for something, No, I can't do that I'm afraid. I can't afford it. And then you change the subject.

If she comes back to it you raise one eyebrow and say If you want to continue our friendship then you need to realise that this is your wedding, for you to organise. I've been happy to help up to now, but you don't get to demand things and behave like a toddler. It's not a big deal - most people get married at some point. It's not the high point of everyone else's year, you realise? Just yours.

I'd be "busy" every time she summoned me now.

And I think people need to generally realise that their wedding is of no interest to anyone except the two people getting married and maybe their parents.

I'm sorry, she expects you to pay £800+ towards HER wedding?

That's proper nuts. You're nuts too for considering it!

Good god. Close your purse! Say no to her

Why on earth should you be paying for her wedding, it’s for her and her husband to sort out.

You need to have an honest conversation about this and explain this wedding is her responsibility and she needs to calm the hell down.

I would have said no to all costs from the start.
It shouldn’t cost anyone anything to be part of the wedding party, those costs fall to the b&g not guests.

Weddings are crazy. My ex friend had a hen do abroad and then planned a wedding abroad. Costs for me and my DP were running to nearly £2k.

In the end I just said I couldn’t pay to do it all as I was trying to achieve things in my own life that these occasions were preventing. She never spoke to me again.

What exactly is she expecting you to pay for ?

** The first time i've tried to stick up for myself i've been told that I should deal with it as i'm her BFF.

This wedding, myself and my partner won't have much change out of a grand, and that's with us making cut backs.**

^She sounds nasty and taking advantage of you. Expecting you to spend close to £1000 on her poxy wedding is ridiculous.

Are you MOH/bridesmaid? If so, how can you go and pick up her aunt before the ceremony? And what is she asking you to pay for?

What the hell have you paid for??
If it’s anything beyond your own clothes, shoes and accommodation then you’ve been stupid.

What the fuck is she asking you to pay for?

My (usually lovely) friend did this to me too. I handled it by being unavailable and sticking to my boundaries. Our friendship absolutely survived. There was never any confrontation I just quietly got on and did what worked for me.

I thought the OP just meant that the cost of the hen activities and wedding accommodation, present, clothes etc, would amount to nearly £1000.

Well stand up for yourself

It does cost money to be part of a wedding party, that’s fairly standard.

Assuming that you will go out of your way to drive people to her wedding is not fair of her, YWNBU to tell her no to that. It’s a family job.

What is she expecting you to spend money on that isn’t normal?

people change so unfortunately this is bringing out quite a nasty side of her.

whether this is the beginning of the end or you can get through it all depends on how much slack you want to cut her and whether she can admit she's been a bit of a shit.

I would try to talk to her.
but whatever happens don't let her bully you into anything.
I was always there for a friend and the one time I really needed her she was very nasty and let me down badly. she's not a friend anymore. it happens

You won't change her expectations of you as she is treating you as a fool and it seems you are proving to be one by giving into her demands. Cop on and stop spending your hard earned money on anything to do with her wedding. Why on earth are you allowing her to use you as an ATM? You need to learn how to say NO fairly quickly! Start by saying no to bringing aunt Maud.

You’re not her scivvy or slave or her ATM, so tell her to pipe down or you won’t be turning up on the day ! And she owes you money.

I don’t understand. What is she demanding you pay for?

She’s taking the Mickey. What are you paying for? Think the friendship damage is done as a friend wouldn’t treat you like this.

I am presuming the being told to spend money is more along the lines of "as chief bridesmaid you MUST stay in the same hotel as bride for 2 nights, you MUST buy yourself this precise expensive dress & shoes to match* and absolutely MUST organise and attend lavish hen do," rather than "you must contribute £££ to the wedding "which people are assuming.

Personally I think bride should pay for bridesmaids dresses but not all do.

@BalloonSlayer

I am presuming the being told to spend money is more along the lines of "as chief bridesmaid you MUST stay in the same hotel as bride for 2 nights, you MUST buy yourself this precise expensive dress & shoes to match* and absolutely MUST organise and attend lavish hen do," rather than "you must contribute £££ to the wedding "which people are assuming.

Personally I think bride should pay for bridesmaids dresses but not all do.

The OP doesn't even say she's a bridesmaid!