I had a crap “friend date” yesterday and am so cross at myself for not saying something

[IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece]

Moved abroad last year and in the midst of COVID and winter, haven’t made any new friends so I reached out to an expat FB group and met some people in the same boat, met some new people and am forming friendships, yay!

Met someone new yesterday who spent the entire time (to the point where she doesn’t know why I moved, my job, anything) telling me I should lose weight, I would be happier if 8 lost weight, I’d be so much prettier if I lost weight, it would be so good for me, she would cheer me on

I’m not slim, I weigh 120 kilos, I’ve lost 50 but obviously still have a way to go but I never once mentioned my weight. Not once.

She may well have been part of a MLM and was going to flog me something but Who the fuck does that?! I am used to comments etc in the street, have been for years but this was something else.

I spent the whole time trying to direct the conversation back to her/ away from my weight but was a bit shocked and embarrassed so didn’t say what I should’ve done which was along the lines of “fuck off”.

I called time after 45 minutes and just said I had to go then deleted and blocked her from messenger (where we’d been chatting)

Came home feeling so shit about myself, bruised and really upset. I’m still feeling all of those things but also furious at her and myself for letting her carry on.

Not really sure why I’m starting a thread, I don’t want to tell anyone in RL because they’ll just tell me I shouldn’t have let her carry on which is less then helpful after the fact!

She sounds like a bitch. A horrible one. Sorry she was so horrible, OP.

Hope you meet some nice friends, soon

You wouldn't have gained anything by telling her what you thought. Sounds like you dealt with it well in a dignified way. Don't give her another thought, she's not worth it.

What a shame that you had the bad luck to meet someone so completely insane! I mean who does that?!

Best of luck in finding some other friends and kudos for getting out there and trying.

Christ, what a bell-end of a woman! Well done on leaving and deleting her from your life.

I've never had a serious weight problem so on the whole never notice weight and it wouldn't occur to me to mention it so I would think that she does have issues over weight( she used to be overweight/ had eating problem or something) and hence her obsession. So it's her who has the problem not you.

She’s an absolute twat, people like that are not worth your time thinking about.

I hope you’re ok OP

Well, you have lost 8 stone or more of dead weight. You've got shot of this nasty woman. Well done for blocking her. I'm sure you'll find much nicer friends soon.

@IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece It's definitely not you!
Sounds as though this person has very few social skills, which is quite sad.

This way she will never know why you blocked her. You have left her wondering….

Retrospect is a funny thing. You have done the right thing, move on.

Bloody hell how rude is she. You've done the right thing blocking her.

Congratulations on your weight loss so far!

I think your response was excellent, why give her the pleasure of seeing you angry?

You wasted 45 minutes and now never have to have anything to do with them again.

It is hard when we have been upset by someone but try not to give her headspace any longer.

Thank you, you’re very kind!

I know you’re right about ignoring and blocking but man, I would freaking love to have laid into her! But that wouldn’t have been classy :o

As I say, I’m v used to this shit but was not expecting it and haven’t received any negative comments whilst I’ve been here (helps that I don’t speak Danish to know that tbh 😂)

yikes, what a cunt.

sorry you had an total stranger (essentially) tear into you like that.
I'm glad you cut contact now before it escalated further.

I'd be upset too. not sure what else to say but sending you a hug.
and bloody well done on your weight loss journey so far, you are very strong to have lost so much already!
I hope you'll find people worthy if your time soon x

Well done for putting yourself out there and meeting up

The next person will be nicer I am sure

I used to live in Argentina, and people were obsessed about being skinny, and at size 12 (HUGE by Argi standards) I was often given weight loss advice, by my “friends”

One expat friend recommended me her personal trainer, the PT is the only lady I am still friends with now

Anyway, chin up, keep trying, it takes guts to put yourself out there, and I found that eventually you always do end up making new friends

Jesus either she's insanely obsessed with weight or like you say trying sell you some MLM shite. Still I'm surprised someone trying to flog stuff wouldn't be more bloody subtle was a horrible cow.

Fucking hell.

Remember the woman is a total idiot and one day it may be a funny story you dine out on.

I can’t believe you’ve lost 50 kg, that’s amazing!

Think about it this way: if you had met her in another x many months when you reach your target weight, you would not have found out immediately what a waste of space she is and might have wasted even more of your time on her.

Well I think we can see why she hasn't made any friends...

Sorry you had such a crap "date", hopefully the next one will be lovely and turn into a real friend.

Well done for reaching out and making new friends. Obviously she's being unreasonable - and don't beat yourself up for having expected to talk to someone normal, and being too polite to come up with a cutting reply :)

You do get some funny types in expat crowds - not sure if it is because being an expat (stressful) can aggravate personality issues, or whether it's because people with personality issues are more likely to move abroad in an attempt to start again somewhere new, or because they don't have such strong ties in their home country due to their issues. (I'm an expat too and don't exclude myself entirely from these effects!)

50kg is amazing!! I need to lose 15 and am putting it off...you have inspired me...thank you.

I am an expat too and I think it just that as expats we’re a bit of ‘birds of a feather’ when we meet other expats. We forget that any of them can be arseholes even so :) I don’t have to like all the expat Danes in my circles just because we share that bit of life experience.
(Yup, Dane here so if you ever need anything checked that they say around you, holler :D)

I'm an expat in SE Asia, I'm big by Asian standards and it appears it's acceptable here to comment on folk's weight. Back home they'd get a torrent of abuse for saying the same thing. Likewise on expat groups many folk will give unsolicited advice "You shouldn't do XYZ" in a way I've never experienced at home.

I was at a private club/pool/gym type place and was turfed off "reserved" seats by a couple of European expats. They were very direct and forthright. We were on a trial membership, I told them they were rude and they were completely perplexed. It appears in some cultures it's ok to tell others what to do 🤷‍♀️ If someone here comments on my size I just say "I didn't ask your opinion and I find your comments very rude"

That is awful. Delete and conveniently lose her number. I bet she's no oil painting.