WWYD Regarding unvaccinated grandparent and babysitting?

[TheThinWhiteDutchess]

My parents are late 60s and in reasonably good heath, although my Mum has had some health issues with severe asthma which mean that she had to shield during the worst of the pandemic.

My Mum has now had both her covid jabs, however my Dad has decided not to get his. I don't know the exact reasons for this yet as I intend to talk to him privately at some point. As far as I know he does not have any proper health reasons that would prevent him from having it and I suspect he has fallen victim to some conspiracy theories.

Myself and DH have two children who are 3.5 and 6 (so in nursery and school).

My quandary is this: Prior to the pandemic my parents would occasionally babysit or have stay overnight one or both of my children. This gave us a break and the children loved the time they spent there. My parents are keen to do this again at some point, however I feel nervous about the fact that my Dad is unvaccinated. Although I am concerned for his heath I respect his choice, but if we or the children were to pass covid on and he became ill then we would feel absolutely awful. And if the worst came to the worst and he died then of course that would be unthinkable.

My DH is currently dead against them babysitting
Part of me thinks "well, it's his choice, he takes that risk" and part of me doesn't want to take the risk in passing something on.

I would love to hear what other people would do in my shoes.

I am not interested in hearing from people who are anti-vaccine or anti-lockdown although I accept that this thread may attract some such people.

I would accept that it’s his risk to take; I don’t really see how babysitting is any different to seeing them in general

It's hard, but I'd also accept that its his risk to take.

Well either he never sees you or your grandchildren again or you see him as normal and let him babysit. They’re your only options really.

I'd accept his risk and let LOs enjoy time with GPs while they can. If not now, when? Enough time's been lost, especially by the young and the old IMO.

Are you considering not having your children see their grandfather?

Yep, up to him. It’s him taking the risk so you have nothing to feel guilty about. I would make your feelings clear to him first though op and worth finding out the reasons why he’s not chosen to have the vaccine.

I think I’d not make any hard and fast decisions right now and wait and see how case numbers pan out.

I would have zero issue over this. Zero.

@Nicknacky

Are you considering not having your children see their grandfather?

Oh goodness no, sorry I didn't make that clear. We've seen him several times recently with the children, but so far always outside (and it sounds like transmission rates are much lower outside).

He’s an adult, it’s his decision not to get vaccinated. If he catches it that’s a result of his actions and not yours so there’s nothing to feel guilty for.
Keeping the grandchildren from him because of this choice seems cruel

@Idontgiveagriffindamn

He’s an adult, it’s his decision not to get vaccinated. If he catches it that’s a result of his actions and not yours so there’s nothing to feel guilty for. Keeping the grandchildren from him because of this choice seems cruel

Yeah I agree. It would be simply awful to stop him from seeing them. We're not talking about cutting contact completely though, just no prolonged time indoors where the risk is higher.

I wouldn’t give this a second thought. It’s fine.

I think that unless you're worried about him passing it onto them, then I think the risk the other way round is his to take.

@GetTheGoodLookingGuy

I think that unless you're worried about him passing it onto them, then I think the risk the other way round is his to take.

That's a good point tbh, I guess there is still a small risk that he may also pass it onto us, as children are unvaccinated and we only have our first jabs so far. (Sounds like there is evidence that the vaccine reduces transmission).

I wouldn't be comfortable with this at the moment, especially if you and your DH are not yet fully vaccinated. I appreciate that the main risk is to your dad, but I've had COVID-19 and found it to be a grim illness that made me feel really ill for 3 weeks and took months to fully get over (I was 44 at the time and have always been fit and healthy). It's not a given that children always get it mildly, either.

Honestly, I would be bloody furious if someone brought that illness into my home at this juncture, if that person could get vaccinated to avoid or at least substantially mitigate risk/severity and they chose not to.

He could also catch covid in the supermarket. Whether someone has a vaccine or not shouldn't even factor. He is family, why on earth would you stop them sending time and sleeping over.
covid is here for life,it's time people faced it head on instead of living in fear of it. For the last 15 months covid has controlled is all.
Its time we started controlling it

Maybe if he knew you were thinking this, it might encourage him to get the vaccine?? (maybe not - it very much depends on what his reasons are and how attached he is to them).

I don't have a good answer, but I'd be twitchy about it too.

Oh, so sorry to hear that, hope you're fully recovered now. Yes there's also the risk of passing it onto us too which I too would be furious about if preventable.

His choice to refuse.

@TheThinWhiteDutchess - all recovered now, thank you My experience has definitely made me happy to be cautious, and I really can't be doing with how blase some people are about it. Good luck with whatever arrangement you decide upon.

It would be a no from me. Perhaps your mum could come alone to your house to provide childcare. But just generally it would be a no, even though Dh and I are fully vaccinated, one of our dc getting ill still means we have to self isolate and impacts our work (school for oldest years be who has already missed out on so much this year).

It's his choice.
Until 2020, we never really questioned whether we might indavertently pass on a whole range of illnesses by accident, and whether people were vaccinated or not (e.g. flu). They were better days!

If you don't make a big deal out of it, he's more likely to change his mind and take the vaccine up rather than become entrenched in defending his choice.

It’s a joint decision, you said your DH is dead set against it.
So you need to work out a solution together, you can’t ignore their father’s opinion as it’s a valid one.

I wouldn't be worried about him catching covid from my DC, it's his choice to leave himself vulnerable. I would be worried about him filling their heads with bollocks if he has indeed fallen victim to a load of conspiracy theorists as you fear. I'd be warier of him babysitting for that reason.

I wouldn’t let them babysit.

He can assume the risk for himself, but remaining unvaccinated he presents a risk to his grandkids.