WWYD Regarding unvaccinated grandparent and babysitting?

[TheThinWhiteDutchess]

My parents are late 60s and in reasonably good heath, although my Mum has had some health issues with severe asthma which mean that she had to shield during the worst of the pandemic.

My Mum has now had both her covid jabs, however my Dad has decided not to get his. I don't know the exact reasons for this yet as I intend to talk to him privately at some point. As far as I know he does not have any proper health reasons that would prevent him from having it and I suspect he has fallen victim to some conspiracy theories.

Myself and DH have two children who are 3.5 and 6 (so in nursery and school).

My quandary is this: Prior to the pandemic my parents would occasionally babysit or have stay overnight one or both of my children. This gave us a break and the children loved the time they spent there. My parents are keen to do this again at some point, however I feel nervous about the fact that my Dad is unvaccinated. Although I am concerned for his heath I respect his choice, but if we or the children were to pass covid on and he became ill then we would feel absolutely awful. And if the worst came to the worst and he died then of course that would be unthinkable.

My DH is currently dead against them babysitting
Part of me thinks "well, it's his choice, he takes that risk" and part of me doesn't want to take the risk in passing something on.

I would love to hear what other people would do in my shoes.

I am not interested in hearing from people who are anti-vaccine or anti-lockdown although I accept that this thread may attract some such people.

I’d say no

it’s his risk yes - but why take the risk

and he can spread it to your kids - so it’s a no from me

Can you plan a bit more when they babysit e.g. at the end of half term so they have had a week off school and there is a lower chance of them passing something on?

@Sumerisicumenin

It’s a joint decision, you said your DH is dead set against it. So you need to work out a solution together, you can’t ignore their father’s opinion as it’s a valid one.

Yes absolutely. I guess I want to get my position totally straight. I'm pretty against it too but my DH is much more cautious than I am and I really wanted to hear from some impartial people. I wasn't sure if I was overthinking it all.

@DappledThings

I wouldn't be worried about him catching covid from my DC, it's his choice to leave himself vulnerable. I would be worried about him filling their heads with bollocks if he has indeed fallen victim to a load of conspiracy theorists as you fear. I'd be warier of him babysitting for that reason.

Quite right. This is where I really need to know his reasons. Part of me is a bit scared to find out!

It's always worth thinking things though.

As the current rules for all people, whether vaccinated or not, say that you can meet indoors on rule of 6 basis (or two households) then babysitting is fine.

Is there any reason to think that your DDad is ill-informed or incapable of making decisions?

The fact that your dh is adamant about this should inform your decision. It’s up to your DF if he has the vaccine or not, he’s a grown up and can make his own decision on risks. But if one parent is adamant about something with their child, the other one should support that decision - unless of course the decision is about something potentially harmful, like being adamant that a child can play on their Xbox all hours of the day and night with no time limits IYSWIM.

You make the decisions for your children until they're old enough to decide for themselves. As such, if you don't want him to be in contact with your children because he isn't vaccinated then it doesn't matter whether it's inside or outside surely.

I hate this term “respect his choice”. Why should you respect his choice? I wouldn’t respect someone’s choice if they were so stupid, ill-informed etc. There’s no way I would let him babysit the DC. What if he passed the disease on to them? It’s your choice too to decide if you want to expose both yourselves as parents and your DC, let alone your parents, to that risk.

It’s his decision to make not to get vaccinated
That shouldn’t affect your life as the risk is to him, not you and your family
Your children are being cared for at school and nursery by lots of people who are not yet vaccinated

Thanks for all the replies, I feel like there is a good cross section of people from both sides of the fence, which is what I was hoping for.

Like I say, sometimes I feel like I'm overthinking it and then I think about the risks to him and us.

But absolutely if my DH is still dead against it then I will respect that.

I'd refuse too. Consequence of his choice and all that. But you are facing difficult conversations when the weather turns and at Xmas etc and can't meet up outside. It will be interesting how much he really wants to see his GC.

@cptartapp

I'd refuse too. Consequence of his choice and all that. But you are facing difficult conversations when the weather turns and at Xmas etc and can't meet up outside. It will be interesting how much he really wants to see his GC.

I know, I'm feeling so sad thinking about Christmas if we can't/won't go over. And he's such a lovely understanding guy by nature that I know he won't kick up a fuss, but my Mum will be sad.

Part of me feels so sad and angry that he's put us in this position, but at the same time I don't want to be trying to emotionally manipulate him to do something he doesn't want to do.

No, it's quite wrong to try and emotionally blackmail someone.
Remember that as time goes on. It works both ways!