I hate my life

[OhToBeASeahorse]

I feel utterly trapped.

DS will be 3 in September. He is the most full on child I've ever met. He does not stop talking, ever. Same cyclical conversations, asking the same questions over and over. Wants to be involved with everything - I can't even make a cup of tea without him wanting to 'help me' and invariably something happens to lead to a total meltdown.

We went to a shopping centre this morning and I've come away without half the stuff I needed because he was either screaming his head off in the pram or running about everywhere on foot. He is very bright and very switched on. I can hear him having a complete breakdown downstairs at the moment.

DD is 8 months, wakes multiple times a night. I'm trying to get her into a routine but thinking about naps and logistics is just exhausting.

They both suffer from eczema and the sun has made it 1000 times worse. DD is clawing at her neck. They are both dairy and soya free (I'm feeding so I cant even have a mars bar or something I like!)

It all sounds so trivial and minor written down. But the 24/7 nature of it has broken me. I csmt ever just 'be'. Every mealtime is constant trying to get DS to not chuck stuff on the floor. Wiping the highchair and the table and the floor 3 times a day is just soul destroying.

I hate my life. I cant remember the last time I enjoyed anything.

Is their other parent in the scene?

Is DS in nursery? Do you have a partner? Sorry you’re finding things hard work

You poor thing. Is DS in nursery? Childcare is your answer. Do you think he has additional needs or just a full on kid? Have you tried speaking to your HV?

Ah, honey, you won't be the first and you won't be the last person to feel like this. And it will pass. One day they will be taller than you, making you laugh at some family in joke and you'll look at them and you'll remember today and it will feel like you are looking back on a different life.

In terms of today, is there anyone IRL there for you? Is there a partner? It sounds like you need some respite. What's your work situation? Would your parents/sister/brother/friend be able to take the kids for a couple of hours?

Take care of yourself. This bit isn't easy.

DH is here. He does a lot during the week - he works from home. He gets up with DS at 5.30 every day, he will do breakfast etc.. Even trying to have a conversation while DS is around is hard work.

He goes to a childminder 3 days a week.

I hear you. I’m struggling a bit at the moment too but mine are slightly older with a 3 year gap and we are starting to come out of the other side. DD2 is 23 months and has started high hair refusing so it’s one less thing to clean. DD1 was 4 1/2 when she suddenly ploughed through the milk ladder but DD2 is already nearly half way through it.

I agree with childcare for the older one and it won’t be long until DD2 goes to one long nap a day.

Get yourself some nomo chocolate bars and try to do shopping on line. Xx

I'm now standing in the dark while DD naps on me (sling). I've got her in the cot for her morning nap but havent been brave enough to try a lunchtime yet

I dont think there are additional needs. I think he is just a nightmare!

Everyone loves him. He goes up to strangers to talk to them. His language is better than most 4 year olds I know. But he just doesnt stop. Even TV doesnt really work. And if he is quiet invariably it means I'll have to clean something up!

It gets better. I remember this stage- very similar gap between my two- and I remember thinking “I cannot sweep this same bit of floor for the fourth time today”. But now they’re 6 and 4 and it’s a million per cent better. It’s been much better since the little one was 3. I know that seems like a million years away right now, but it’s not.

As others have said, is there another parent around? Can you get DS in nursery, or if he’s in nursery, in nursery more? Do you have time for yourself, friends? These things are all vital for not losing your mind at this stage in your life.

Oh and meant to add, my now six year old was very similar sounding to your son. School was a game changer for her. She didn’t sleep through until she started school, but it knackered her out and she’s been much better ever since starting reception two years ago because she needs a shedload of stimulation and they provide it like I never can!

That sounds really exhausting. I think everything is a million times harder when you are sleep deprived too.

With DS, does he enjoy playgrounds? It sounds as if he has huge amounts of energy to burn off. Mine is a similar age and starting to be better at amusing himself in a playground. I bring a travel mug with tea or coffee and chat away to him but try to get up from the bench as little as possible - occasionally I even get to read a couple of pages of my book or kindle. Finding playgrounds with other children is good too as they are less focused on you.

Do you have any family help nearby, to take one or both DC? Sounds as if a few hours at the weekend with just you and DH or by yourself during the week while DS is at the childminder could really help.

And I agree with online shopping! Trying to shop on person with small DC is soul destroying.

Also, we dealt with food throwing by calmly saying "if you're throwing food on the floor that means you're telling us you've had enough" and removing his plate. The message did get through eventually.

I’m a long way on from this and didn’t have the allergies to deal with but I do remember feeling totally broken when I had a nearly three year old and a baby. Oddly, like one of the things you mentioned, I hated hated hated the Groundhog Day feeling of always cleaning the bloody highchairs, table, floor. It was a relentless time.

I now work in a nursery and we have a child who sounds a bit like your DS. Very endearing and appears to be very bright. Speech is so good that the endless chatter which seems so clever and wonderful at first can be very wearing after a whole day, let alone day in day out! Obviously at nursery there are lots of us around to share the endless stream of questions and chat so it’s fine and the child is a real sweetheart but I have often wondered how the parents cope!

@LFQuery yep that sounds like DS.

@RaspberryThief yes we are at the park most days. Shopping was a stupid idea I just needed to return some stuff.

He had allergy tests a couple of weeks ago. Consultant was due to phone me but phoned 3 hours late and I was driving. I've heard nothing since.

Everything feels like hard work atm

It does get easier, I found having two very young dcs such hard work too (I have 4dcs now) Do everything you can to make your life easier. Sweep the floor at the end of the day, not every time you feed them. Do you think your ds us very bright?

Also, forget shopping with them, do it online or leave with DH.

Have you heard of Richard Aron? My son has allergies and had severe eczema. Saved. My. Life.

@Lazydaz thanks. After mealtimes tho there is food all over the floor. I couldn't leave it, it would be just so unhygienic.

I wanted DS to go into the softplay with DH while I shopped but there was an hour's wait and I didnt want to wait too long and risk DD having a cat nap in the car.

God.i yearn for freedom.

[quote OhToBeASeahorse]@Lazydaz thanks. After mealtimes tho there is food all over the floor. I couldn't leave it, it would be just so unhygienic.

I wanted DS to go into the softplay with DH while I shopped but there was an hour's wait and I didnt want to wait too long and risk DD having a cat nap in the car.

God.i yearn for freedom.[/quote]
Get a dog I promise it gets easier.

@OhToBeASeahorse

I'm now standing in the dark while DD naps on me (sling). I've got her in the cot for her morning nap but havent been brave enough to try a lunchtime yet

Why are you standing up? That sounds horrendous!

Also, is ds getting enough stimulation at cm? Maybe nursery would be a better fit?

My son sounds really similar to yours. He absolutely thrives on structure and is a lot easier to handle with a solid routine at home. Does he know what is coming next in the day? For example my son knows after breakfast he plays with toys, then when baby goes for a nap he can play some games on the pad, then when baby wakes up we will go out and do something. Lunch whilst out. Home for babies next nap. 1:1 with me then (playdough etc) then he can help prepare dinner then it's dinner bath and bed! We do that EVERY day and the days we don't it shows!

It is absolutely draining though and my son like yours also goes up to everyone. For example if we're at the farm he will pose in family pictures or ask other families to go to another section with him. It's sooo draining to keep on top of!!

It shall pass. In September he's going to preschool 5 afternoons a week... Maybe you could up your days too as entitled to free hours now I think?

(Disclaimer: I haven't had children!)
Maybe he's really bright and will settle down when he can channel his energy into something?

I’m off dairy too (also egg and soy). Topic vegan gluten-free whole hazelnut chocolate is making life a little more bearable (obv has nuts, and is made in a factory that handles milk so no good for IgE mediated milk allergy). There’s a Bounty one too but I haven’t tried it yet.

DS was very hard work but improved a lot by Reception. He’s exemplary at school and only has the odd moment at home

I would up the childminder sessions if at all possible. Sounds as though he's bright and sociable! He'll get a lot out of it and you can get a bit of time with the baby and can rest a tiny bit. Don't be a hero - your kids need you to not burn out.

Do you work OP? If not, then the times he’s with a childminder could be your time to yourself to do something nice or go out and run your errands in peace on your own. Nothing worse than trying to get things done with an uncooperative toddler, it takes twice as long and you come home with half the stuff. Sending my sympathies as I know it can be stressful and you feel so lost in it all x