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Original poster

What does it mean if a man is doing this.

70 replies

Sos12345 · 05/06/2021 09:43

He's 47
I'm 33.

Been chatting since we met last summer.

We've arranged to meet up next weekend. But he's abit up and down. Hot and cold. I know he's abit guarded after his last relationship ended. But!

He keeps talking about other women. How they come onto him. Get the wrong idea. He blocks them. They are weird.

Last night he was saying how he has learned that women prefer men who are not allover them. They seem more attracted to you then. So he's learned to do that.

He does like alot of women's profile photos and stuff. So I think he likes to feel he has ladies around him.

But he's been wanting me for months and I'm only just coming round to the idea and now he's claiming all this stuff I'm confused.

I asked him if he only has feelings for me or if he's looking or talking elsewear. He insists he's only interested in me and really isn't interested elsewear. He has said his feelings for me haven't changed. But he's nowhere near as affectionate or allover me as he used to be. So I'm confused.

Is he outright confessing to me he is always looking for what else there is.

Or is he lying because he's insecure and wants me to feel he could have others?

Also he's making me feel like he's uninterested one day then the next he's talking about how excited he is to meet and all the places we can go and how close he feels to me.

One of his old school friends has seperated from her partner this week. He's always liked her photos and since her split he's liked all her statues about the split. He's even commented on it and put several kisses. This was last night. He seemed to have been online all night too. She lives two hours away from us.

What's going on??? Does he really like me or is he taking me for a huge ride. He also told me last night it's not looks it's a big heart he wants. Well I've been here with my big heart for months and I still feel I'm not fully his main focus.

Help!

OP posts:
Mamamamasaurus · 05/06/2021 10:21

What does it mean? It means he's a prick and you can do better. Run. Quickly.

BIoodyStupidJohnson · 05/06/2021 10:23

Sounds like a big fat midlife crisis to me.

2bazookas · 05/06/2021 10:27

IME men who keep mansplaining what/how women think or feel, never have the faintest clue.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Dating General relationships
TheDogsMother · 05/06/2021 10:28

After all this time he shouldn't be playing these games with you. He sounds like a twat tbh.

HappyWipings · 05/06/2021 10:32

Ask yourself why you are putting up with this op.

Until you know the answer to this question you'll continue to choose idiots like this.

spotcheck · 05/06/2021 10:33

He became a phone thing?

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 05/06/2021 10:33

@iklboo

Is this him?
@iklboo 🤣🤣 isn't he charming
Original poster
Sos12345 · 05/06/2021 10:34

He is the most weird behaviour if he wants a chance with me. Like I say all live further away. I don't know who he does talk to. He has most of his old school class on Facebook. They seem to be the women who like his stuff but theyve not seen him since school years.

Very odd.

I think he's bluffing to an extent. That said he was online last night and not interested in me. As I say I think he's trying to chat to the dumped school friend. I've not messaged him today as we normally do speak. He seems to have gone to bed at 6.30 this morning. He does struggle to sleep so he is often awake but he must have been chatting to someone to be up that long. Plus he never contacted me.

OP posts:
Arrowheart · 05/06/2021 10:34

He sounds like a Grade A Bell End. Arrogant and not attractive at all. Have some self respect and tell him to fuck the fuck off.

ElizabethTudor · 05/06/2021 10:39

@Sos12345

Yes I'm sat here thinking im very very close to ending it. But I just can't put my finger on it.

He's not the best looking guy. I like him but he's not a sex god! But he's charming! I have noticed he's online more and not speaking as much to me. But most of the other women on his Facebook that interact are just old school friends. There's several most are married and a few are now divorced or single. They are around 16 years older than me. I didn't know whether he is insecure because I'm younger. I don't think I'm beautiful. But I'm average and I do get the odd offer still most months. I'm not very flirty though so tend to ignore it. Alot of these comments started when I was asked out twice this last week and he's seen. So is he trying to get one over on me?

I don't find it attractive anymore but I do wish I knew if he really was an expert getting attention or if he's just lying to make me think. I don't doubt there's the odd woman he messages. I know he is friendly with women and always has been.

This is why his ex and he split.

Why have you even wasted this ^^ time on him. He’s 47 yet he’s behaving like some hormonal teenager. Sack the attention seeking drama-queen off with immediate effect.
Original poster
Sos12345 · 05/06/2021 10:44

I think I just wanted to figure out if he's just insecure because I'm younger than him and he's worried about his youth.

Or whether he's just a player who needs attention constantly and is full of it.

His behaviour hasn't always been so poor. It's just gradually creeped up after we had a break from speaking. It's like he's come back a different man.

Our connection has taken ages to take off due to lock down and stuff. Then we had a break. But now we can finally start dating properly and spend time together he's putting me off with this sudden behaviour.

If he doesn't like me that much now why would he be bothering if there's others he's interested in? I just guess I have questions. Aware it's rubbish behaviour and not normal. But I'm trying to understand where it's coming from.

OP posts:
moovinon · 05/06/2021 10:50

I would tell him you're not interested in speaking any more and I would also tell him the reasons why.

It probably stems from insecurity. But it's a bit pathetic for someone of his age. It's like he wants you to think he has a load of other options around him, probably trying to make you feel insecure so you want to stick with him.

I can understand an 18 year old acting like this but he really should've outgrown that by now.

iklboo · 05/06/2021 11:02

Buy him this.

What does it mean if a man is doing this.
BlueTriskel · 05/06/2021 11:05

@Sos12345

He is the most weird behaviour if he wants a chance with me. Like I say all live further away. I don't know who he does talk to. He has most of his old school class on Facebook. They seem to be the women who like his stuff but theyve not seen him since school years.

Very odd.

I think he's bluffing to an extent. That said he was online last night and not interested in me. As I say I think he's trying to chat to the dumped school friend. I've not messaged him today as we normally do speak. He seems to have gone to bed at 6.30 this morning. He does struggle to sleep so he is often awake but he must have been chatting to someone to be up that long. Plus he never contacted me.

You’re giving this way too much headspace, OP. You don’t mention at all whether you actually like this man, it’s all speculation about whether he’s actually pretending to be uninterested in so, or really uninterested, and if so, why. Do you like him? Why?
SoapboxFox · 05/06/2021 11:07

First priority is LTB, then you have plenty of time to wonder why he'd behave like that, although the answer is simple - he is disingenuous, selfish and keeping you on a string while quite possibly flirting with many other women. He behaves like that because he wants to be in control rather than having an equal partner; because he gets away with it; and because he wants to 'look around' while still having you available. And you don't understand how he can behave like that or put yourselves in those shoes, because those aren't things you'd think or do yourself. They don't make sense in a loving relationship. Just one more thing, don't be surprised if he gets married to the girlfriend after you.

Original poster
Sos12345 · 05/06/2021 11:07

@iklboo

Haha good one.

Yes. I am torn between just not saying anything and letting him know with silence he's not got me anymore or actually expressing why I'm annoyed. I think he will be very snappy if I say anything suggesting he's after other women.

I need to take control though and take myself of his menu. He's an idiot. I deserve alot better and he should be chasinge and making me feel amazing every day.

OP posts:
VettiyaIruken · 05/06/2021 11:08

What does it mean?
It means he's a twat.

HollowTalk · 05/06/2021 11:09

Oh lord, throw this one back into the river. There are more mature 11 year olds than this.

JackieWeaver · 05/06/2021 11:15

He hasn't had sex from me or anythingyet.hehas called me everyday apart from one month everyday since September. So I dont quite know what's keeping him around

I should imagine that if you were to have sex you wouldn't hear from him ever again.

I reckon he has a mental tick list in his head of all the ones that he talks to online that he hopes to shag Hmm

Don't be on that list!

Curatingchaos · 05/06/2021 11:19

Run.

UseOfWeapons · 05/06/2021 11:35

Honestly, OP?
I wouldn’t care WHY he was behaving like this, I’d just dump him. I wouldn’t give him a reason either, except perhaps, ‘You bore the crap out of me’.
Pathetic from a man of his age, he sounds immature and ridiculous.
You deserve someone who’s thrilled to be with you, and not playing stupid games.

Original poster
Sos12345 · 05/06/2021 11:41

@UseOfWeapons

Very good point. It is boring. I want to feel happy and excited. Not confused and stressed.

I think I just wanted to see if it was insecurity if we could talk it out. Because it's really off putting. But maybe he enjoys making me feel crap. He also probably only speaks to me now when there's nothing else to do.

Being asleep all day today will be the next thing. That's another off-putting thing. Sick of his rubbish patterns. He could have messaged me this morning to say he hadn't slept and would to to sleep now. But instead he didn't bother. Speaks volumes about his Interest.

OP posts:
CandyLeBonBon · 05/06/2021 11:52

He's

OhWhyNot · 05/06/2021 11:53

He is a player and you have been pulled in

Let go and move on and ignore him as he will try to pull you in again

CandyLeBonBon · 05/06/2021 11:54

A twat. My 16 y/o has more emotional intelligence.
He's a game playing loser.

"Off you fuck cunty chops" would be my parting gambit but I appreciate I am a grumpy old bastard these days!