Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

If you've made mirror wills will you change it if you're the surviving partner?

31 replies

PreservativeFree · 05/06/2021 08:02

I guess in most cases there'll be no need as they reflect your joint wishes, but things can change over time.

For example when my Grandad died, the mirror wills made by him and and Grandma left everything to the surviving partner on the first death and on the second everything was to be split between their three children, except that their younger daughter, who was very young at the time, was to be allowed to stay in the house for as long as she wanted to and all the contents of the house went to her. This seemed right and fair when she was 17, it was her home and the other children had already left home (15 year age gap). Not so much when Grandma died 20 years later. Grandma would never change the will though because it was what her husband had wanted .

So, if you've done mirror wills do you feel an obligation to leave it as is, or will you feel free to change things if your own wishes change after your partner's death?

OP posts:
Moonshine11 · 05/06/2021 08:05

I’d change if my own wishes changed. But tbh would always go to the kids so not sure what I would change tbh.

Kazzyhoward · 05/06/2021 08:10

No, not if circumstances change. There are ways to stop changes, such as a lifetime interest trust allowing the partner to stay in the marital home until their death and then the share of the person who died first goes to who that person wanted it to go to, with the surviving spouse unable to change. But everyone knows simple mirror wills canb be changed after first death, so I'd always assume a default position of acceptance that the surviving spouse was free to do as they wish unless there's a will trust set up to stop that.

colouringcrayons · 05/06/2021 08:12

I would always change a will if the right thing to do, circumstances change. Would expect partner to keep it under review too.

Paddingtonsmarmlade · 05/06/2021 08:16

I'm the much younger spouse and yes I would change it if the circumstances changed. Ie if I Re married and had more children I'd want to incl

StopGo · 05/06/2021 08:17

I'm in the process of reviewing my mirror will following DH's death. I'm putting the house into a trust for the DC and now they are adult's making them the executors. This is exactly what we discussed shortly before his death.

Paddingtonsmarmlade · 05/06/2021 08:18

Include them. But I'm hoping dh lasts a very long time and I have no intention to have any more children.

tinseloatcake · 05/06/2021 08:21

I'd change it. There are some bits in ours I compromised on as they were important to DH. I would change them after.

Sally872 · 05/06/2021 08:22

Yes I would change it. The reason the will was like that is because she was 17. So once she had her own home I would change it.

I wouldn't change it to be significantly different though.

WB205020 · 05/06/2021 08:53

@Paddingtonsmarmlade
That’s what scares me about these situations. Your Dhs kids having their inheritance watered down if you had more children. I’m not saying you’re wrong for doing that but a need to ring fence your husbands portion to ensure it goes directly to his children and they don’t lose out would be essential in my opinion.

Oldraver · 05/06/2021 08:56

Yes I redid my will as circumstances changed

BlueLobelia · 05/06/2021 09:58

i expect to change one aspect and one aspect alone. DH wanted to leave a six figure sum to his godchild- the godchild who's parents are multi-millionaires and whose father has refused to acknowledge my existence for the past 20 years (because I am the second wife - NOT the OW by the way- but because he disagrees with divorce).

I think that legacy will be reduced somewhat if I am the surviving spouse. Not least because we have children of our own one of whom is disabled so I consider our own children slightly more important.

BlueLobelia · 05/06/2021 10:07

I know that sounds awful, but the godchild will get something, I'll honour that at least. Probably mid-5 figures but not 6.

Mydogisagentleman · 05/06/2021 11:41

I doubt that I would enter another relationship if DH predeceases me, can’t say the same for him.
Our wills are fairly straightforward, our only DD gets everything apart from £1k to the Bedlington terrier rescue.
She will not be getting our rental properties or family home outright though.
They are to be rented and she will get a monthly allowance which will be reviewed when she is 40.
Poor girl has suspected BPD and makes very poor life choices.
If she was to get our estate she would probably buy a helicopter or something.

MinnieMountain · 05/06/2021 13:18

No, because it leaves everything to our only DC.

Deadleaf29 · 05/06/2021 13:43

I would probably be open to remarriage (and my DH ditto), although not more children, if anything happened now, we’re only in our mid thirties. I certainly wouldn’t intend to be bound to a will I could have made 50 plus years before I die! We trust each other to ensure our children are well looked after, but realistically if I remarry and stayed married to that person for decades then I’m not going to be ring fencing what my DH left me decades earlier. I expect DH to do similar if the situation was reversed. But I’m of the view that what DH and I have is ours, not something I’m just holding for my children. I very much hope it’s not an issue until we’re elderly though and we don’t need to change anything.

Colourcones · 05/06/2021 14:47

Too many people remarry and then leave everything to the new partner. In some cases maybe naively thinking the new partner will be "fair" with their own will. I have ring fenced my part of my husbands and my estate with a trust so that no new partner gets my half. My children deserve their inheritance from me. I had never thought of this until I saw a friend watch everything go to his fathers new wife and he got nothing . His dad had a right to leave his part to anyone he wanted but not his mothers half. His mother would have been furious!

Wanttocry · 05/06/2021 14:58

Yes, I would change it if circumstances change and would expect DH to do the same.

Strokethefurrywall · 05/06/2021 15:34

DH and I will have mirror wills and everything will go equally to our children regardless.
I’m 41 now so if anything were to happen to him, I certainly wouldn’t be having any more children, and neither would he.
But in the event of remarriage, I would want to honor what we had arranged together.

LuckyWookie · 05/06/2021 15:43

Too many people remarry and then leave everything to the new partner
I’ve never understood why people do this. Surely nobody comes ahead of your DC? As the surviving partner I would make a new will, making it water tight that nobody except DC gets a single penny.

Fastforwardtospring · 05/06/2021 15:48

@Colourcones - this happened to me, DF left the lot to stepmother, who no doubt will try & leave the lot to her DC, there is some sort of trust will, I need to get the will looked over by a solicitor, DF has been dead 12 years, refuse to get bitter about it, but would like to know if I could ring fence my portion if any for my DC, my DM will be turning in her grave that her DC never got any of her share.

Strokethefurrywall · 05/06/2021 16:01

And as I’m financially independent, if I did remarry, all my money would remain independent.

DH and I built our life together so I doubt I’d be sharing finances with any future spouse, regardless of how wealthy they are! It’s an anathema to me that I would leave money built for my children, to go towards supporting another fully grown adult.

Deadleaf29 · 05/06/2021 16:03

“ I’ve never understood why people do this. Surely nobody comes ahead of your DC? As the surviving partner I would make a new will, making it water tight that nobody except DC gets a single penny.”

No, mine don’t come ahead of everyone. Once my children are adults (and they will be very very well supported to become independent adults) my first priority is the financial wellbeing of my bereaved spouse (including any second spouse if I remarried). And vice versa.

I would expect my DH if I did die first and he remarried to ensure our dependent children were looked after in the way we would have done, as children/young adults. Beyond that, once DC are adults and earning for themselves, then DH’s money (including the money we made together) is his and his new wife’s. I’d hope they spend every penny being happy. I’d be pretty upset as a new wife in that scenario to be left with only half my home/a reduced lifestyle etc by someone I could have been married to for decades so his independent children got “their inheritance” from someone who’s long since dead. I guess in a scenario where we died in our eighties I might feel differently.

And yes, this is almost certainly the way someone I might have expected to inherit from will arrange things. I truly hope there’s nothing left to inherit because they’ve enjoyed it all, but if there is then it is theirs as a couple not mine.

Auntienumber8 · 05/06/2021 16:05

Colourcones this is what worries me as I’m in poor health. It’s because I have seen friends parents die and do exactly this. If DH remarried and all his assets went to the new wife then so be it. I want everything that’s mine to go to DS, due to a very fortunate investment situation a few years ago it is a decent amount and I hate the thought of it not ending up with him.

LuckyWookie · 05/06/2021 16:08

No, mine don’t come ahead of everyone
Wow. No matter how old my DC are they will always come ahead of someone who isn’t a blood relative. If I die and DH diverts my money to some random woman instead of to my DC I will haunt them both!

Hax · 05/06/2021 16:12

It's important to review your wills regularly. We changed ours several times as DC were growing up. They are adults now and we might change again if tax rules etc change.
At the moment they get something on the first death but the bulk goes to surviving spouse. We have already helped them with lump sums.
There should definitely be a re-think after the first death.