If you've made mirror wills will you change it if you're the surviving partner?

[PreservativeFree]

I guess in most cases there'll be no need as they reflect your joint wishes, but things can change over time.

For example when my Grandad died, the mirror wills made by him and and Grandma left everything to the surviving partner on the first death and on the second everything was to be split between their three children, except that their younger daughter, who was very young at the time, was to be allowed to stay in the house for as long as she wanted to and all the contents of the house went to her. This seemed right and fair when she was 17, it was her home and the other children had already left home (15 year age gap). Not so much when Grandma died 20 years later. Grandma would never change the will though because it was what her husband had wanted .

So, if you've done mirror wills do you feel an obligation to leave it as is, or will you feel free to change things if your own wishes change after your partner's death?

As long as the essential money is ringfenced in trust to my kids (no matter how old they are!) then any new life DH builds will be separate to that.

If he then wants to leave that to his new wife then so be it. As long as what we worked for together is secured then fine.

But I would fully expect that my husband would see it the same way.

I would never do a mirror will for this exact reason.

I think it's changing over time
When my parents divorced in the late 70s no one really got the impact of wills, now if I divorced I'd make sure my children were looked after. So the generation dying now -like my parents - didn't really think it through hence so many issues. Despite his wealth, I know I'm likely to get nothing from my dad, it will go to my stepmom who is significantly younger and who I have little relationship with. I was mid 20s when it clicked that would happen, so I'm ok with it now. But I get it could come as a shock to many.

“Wow. No matter how old my DC are they will always come ahead of someone who isn’t a blood relative.”

My wedding vows involved “all that I have I share with you” and would with a future spouse too. DH and I don’t have halves of things, we both own the whole lot, so if I die first I don’t regard myself as having a half to leave for my children and neither does he. So when my children are in their forties and fifties and sixties with houses and marriages and children of their own, I don’t intend to prioritise their getting some extra inheritance over ensuring my spouse (who I could have been married to for decades) is happy, housed and cared for in old age.

I guess the key thing here though is DH and I have discussed it and know and agree with each other’s views.

I would expect my DH if I did die first and he remarried to ensure our dependent children were looked after in the way we would have done, as children/young adults. Beyond that, once DC are adults and earning for themselves, then DH’s money (including the money we made together) is his and his new wife’s. I’d hope they spend every penny being happy. I’d be pretty upset as a new wife in that scenario to be left with only half my home/a reduced lifestyle etc by someone I could have been married to for decades so his independent children got “their inheritance” from someone who’s long since dead. I guess in a scenario where we died in our eighties I might feel differently.

This is how I view it.

@Deadleaf29

“Wow. No matter how old my DC are they will always come ahead of someone who isn’t a blood relative.”

My wedding vows involved “all that I have I share with you” and would with a future spouse too. DH and I don’t have halves of things, we both own the whole lot, so if I die first I don’t regard myself as having a half to leave for my children and neither does he. So when my children are in their forties and fifties and sixties with houses and marriages and children of their own, I don’t intend to prioritise their getting some extra inheritance over ensuring my spouse (who I could have been married to for decades) is happy, housed and cared for in old age.

I guess the key thing here though is DH and I have discussed it and know and agree with each other’s views.

You think you've discussed it but I've seen it many times before.

One of the spouse dies.

The other one remarries. They have a couple of kids. The other of the original spouse dies. Everything goes to the new spouse.

Obviously before death they would have discussed with the new partner how they wanted the inheritance shared pit.

The new spouse would have agreed with everything. " of course your older kids will get a share"- etc.

The new spouse kicks the older kids out. Not a penny to help them with their future. Just bad feeling all round. A lot of the time they wpnt even let them have mementos of the original spouse who died.

Even if you've discussed it with your current spouse. You dont know what will happen if they end up getting remarried. It's only normal they will want to take care of their new spouse. And likely their new spouse will agree with everything they say about the inheritance. Maybe even make new mirror wills- which they'll change if their partner dies.

I wouldn't take the risk. I'm the higher earner. My husband could remarry and end up having kids into his 80's it is a possibility. I'd leave a life interest so he has somewhere to live, and obviously he works as well but the majority would go into trust for the kids. They are still very young.

If I'm still here once they've been through education, I would change it further possibly just so they had help with any house deposit and then channel it for grandkids. I wouldn't risk any of it being left to any new random spouse or new kids.