Who would you expect to speak at a funeral?

[OrangePowder]

DH is dying and we've been talking about funerals.

He's chosen some music and said no religion, don't waste money on a fancy coffin, so that's helpful at least I have some pointers.

At the last funeral I went to the man's wife and adult children all said some lovely words. I really don't want to do that. I hate public speaking and what I feel for DH is between us. Our DC are only just adults and unlikely to want to speak. I'll give them the opportunity, but I won't put any pressure on them if they don't want to.

I'm hoping someone from a volunteer group DH was involved in will be prepared to do something.

What else "should" be in a funeral?

I'm so sorry for you OP. Big hugs. I lost my dear Dad last year and ended up doing his Eulogy. I didn't feel that the vicar (who was very sweet but just didn't really know my Dad) would convey the kind of person that he was. My 3 kids (ages 9-12) also wanted to speak so we agreed that they would all stand together in the pulpit and do a Bible reading that my Dad loved, with my oldest one on hand to step in case the younger ones couldn't manage. I wrote the Eulogy out over several days, which was actually a really cathartic process, and meant that I had notes on the day. When the time came I felt a little wobbly about doing it but managed to hold myself together and in hindsight I'm glad I did, and my Dad would have been proud. I suppose what I'm saying is that there is no right or wrong - if you don't want to speak that's absolutely fine but if you, or your children do that's ok too.

This is what we'll both be having

www.coop.co.uk/funeralcare/funeral-services/direct-cremation

No funeral as such; then you can say goodbye anywhere and however you please. Go for a walk to favourite place etc. throw ashes in river.

The last funeral I went to, the wife and children didn't speak, but his siblings did and also somebody from each of the many groups he'd been involved in. It was a really lovely funeral and felt incredibly personal even though it was standing room only. Each of the speeches was a personal story, most of them very funny, and it was a wonderful celebration of a lovely man who died far too young. They'd also asked that everyone who came wore something colourful that they felt comfortable in and not black suits.