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Original poster

Allowing children to play outdoors without adult supervision

50 replies

AnnieR123 · 03/06/2021 12:52

Hi All,

I’m new here. Was just wondering what your opinions are about what age kids should be allowed to play outside / walk to town without adult supervision.

We live in a small, safe rural town, but I’m not keen on my 10 year old walking to town with his similar aged friend (other boy is 11) without adult supervision. The other boy is allowed to go and get a muffin in the high street coffee shop or pop in to the supermarket to grab a snack, even alone, which I think was bonkers. My husband thinks it’s ok and at the age of 10-11 they can go alone. And he thinks it’s definitely fine if they go as a pair.

What do you all think? Am I being paranoid?

Thanks!

OP posts:
Divebar2021 · 03/06/2021 12:59

I’m not sure why you think it’s bonkers? I would expect 11 year olds to be catching buses or walking unescorted to school so I don’t really see the problem with walking into town. I would be interested in the “ why” they want to go though...Are there shops that they want to go to or is it just to buy snacks.? Does he have a mobile ?

memberofthewedding · 03/06/2021 13:03

I was a kid in the 1950s and we were unsupervised at a far younger age then. We probably had a lot more freedom. I feel really sorry for todays overparented kids with their "school runs" and "play dates" all arranged for them. How do you ever expect them to grow into independent adults when you over protect and mollycoddle them?

cariadlet · 03/06/2021 13:04

I'm also in a small town and would definitely have been happy with my dd going into town, shop, cafe or park with a friend at that age as long as I knew where she was and who she was with.

It's important for children to start getting some independence before they go to secondary school.

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inmyslippers · 03/06/2021 13:05

I would allow it. can you make it clear he needs to ring/text you at various intervals to tell you where he is.

HazyDaisy123456 · 03/06/2021 13:05

If you live in a relatively safe area I don’t see the problem. Around where we live in year 5 we would let DD go to a shop in town with her brother a year older when we were in town and around the end of year 5/start of year 6 she went in town for a wander with a friend. This is to get them ready for Secondary School in year 7.

ShinyGreenElephant · 03/06/2021 13:07

Unless you live in a horrendous, crime riddled area and/or your son has additional needs then I think its bonkers not to let him. My eldest was going out with friends to the local shops from 9.5, from 10 shes been allowed to walk up and meet friends alone, go to the park etc and now shes 12 she gets the bus or train into the city with friends - tonight her and three other girls are going out for a meal, getting buses there and back. All arranged themselves. This is not at all unusual judging by her friends/ my friends kids, and the kids who aren't allowed any freedom have really struggled in y7

SleepingStandingUp · 03/06/2021 13:07

Most schools allow kids to walk to school alone in yr6 so I think that's a good barometer really. But it obv depends on the child and the route.

Are you worried someone will kidnap him or that he'll do something like not look crossing the road or that they'll get into trouble for messing around?

Deadringer · 03/06/2021 13:08

Children play out from about age 6 where i live. My dd went to the local shops from about age 10 but i wouldn't allow her to go into town until she is in secondary school. It depends of course how far away the town is and how safe the roads are.

roguetomato · 03/06/2021 13:11

We live in a small rural town too, and I let my dc out with friends by 10, to go to park, library, etc. They will be going to secondary next year if 10/11, I think many children did that by that age around here.

Is there anything particularly worrying for your dc, like not mature for age or being unpredictable?

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 03/06/2021 13:12

We allowed more freedom the last term of primary, before then adults supervised from a distance.
Depends on how local the shop is and if they can adhere to masks, SD etc currently, only you know if they can do that.

TheDiddlyGang · 03/06/2021 13:15

Me and DH would not allow our eldest (11) to go anywhere alone or with a friend tbh.
His school has sent out warnings before about men approaching/following students and advise students to always walk home in groups.

ZenNudist · 03/06/2021 13:22

From age 10 with a friend is good thing. On their own, well I'm not keen on that not because its dangerous as such but I don't want it to be a habit of going out and wandering the streets all the time.

I dont mind ds (10) going to the park or local shops with friends. I don't want him calling on people uninvited.

insancerre · 03/06/2021 13:25

Children need unsupervised time on their own away from adults
It’s essential for their development

CoffeeWithCheese · 03/06/2021 13:32

Starting to let DD1 (9 and fairly sensible with it when she has to be) do things like go to the corner shop on her own. Only limiting factor with her not going to the park is it's a bastard of a road to cross or I'd let her do that too. She has a spacewalk watch with my numbers set she can call if needs be and I can keep an eye on her location - but I think you need to build them up gradually with independence or they'll flounder when it all lands at once in secondary.

cheeseismydownfall · 03/06/2021 13:46

Personally I think it would be 'bonkers' not to allow this, assuming there isn't a specific and significant risk that you haven't mentioned (e.g. crossing a duel carriageway) and that the children have age-appropriate judgement. A 10/11 year old should be fully capable of walking along quiet-ish streets and making a simple purchase from a shop independently!

Children need to grow into adults through a succession of tiny steps and increasing freedoms. They don't magically become responsible and capable at 16 or 18, especially if they have been over-protected.

GodolphinHorne · 03/06/2021 13:51

I think YABU. If he’s with his friend, surely that’s ok?

I also feel sorry for kids these days. I know things have changed, but I used to walk to school alone from age 5 (a mile), and by age 7 or 8 was out and about unsupervised for hours at a time.

bonbonours · 03/06/2021 13:53

Definitely normal at this age and good to gain independence in advance of secondary school.
If you're worried get him a phone with data and put Life 360 on it then you can watch where he is all the time.

reluctantbrit · 03/06/2021 15:25

DD was just 11 (July birthday) when she started secondary school and therefore we started inY6 to let her go alone to school or and meet a school friend at Costa or similar in the afternoon on a weekend.

When we went shopping she would often disappear and go into Primark or Claires on her own. She had to have a phone with her and we agreed on a meeting place and time beforehand.

They need to learn to be independent, it's our duty as parents to prepare them.

Throughabushbackwards · 03/06/2021 16:17

Our DS has been roaming the village and surrounding hills (marked footpaths and particular fields with the farmer's permission) with mates from about the age of 9. They go to the village shop and play out in the playground or in another child's garden and are gone for hours at a time. Kids need this kind of freedom IMO.

Angel2702 · 03/06/2021 16:19

I’d say that’s a pretty normal age to have that sort of freedom depending on the child. Year 5 and certainly year six is when most people start giving more freedom in readiness for high school.

Whyhello · 03/06/2021 16:22

If he’s going to secondary school in September you’re going to have to get used to him doing things alone. It’s scary, I know but he’s growing up. Does he have a phone? My DS got one for his eleventh birthday and it alleviates some anxiety.

Worriesome · 03/06/2021 16:29

Things are so different now, when I was young I was playing unsupervised for hours in my local park as were all my friends and neighbourhood kids. We just headed back home at appropriate times and it was smooth.

However, I wouldn’t give my kids that freedom now as I feel it’s a more dangerous world we’re living in.

My DD is 8 so I still have some time but do hope in the future she’s able to walk to and from school on her own. I shall see how it goes and when I can see she’s ready I’ll be happy for her to be more independent. As a lot of people have said it does depend on the child x

lanbro · 03/06/2021 16:44

I let my 9yo and nearly 8yo go to the Corner shop together, it's about 5 minutes with one road with a pedestrian crossing. I was definitely doing it at their age and I want them to be responsible. They are far to afraid of being stopped doing it to misbehave and the risks are minute

WorraLiberty · 03/06/2021 16:49

The other boy is allowed to go and get a muffin in the high street coffee shop or pop in to the supermarket to grab a snack, even alone, which I think was bonkers.

You seem to have missed out vital information there, which is why you think this 11 year old child going out in a 'small, safe, rural town' is bonkers? Confused

babyguffingtonstrikesagain · 03/06/2021 16:49

It's fine! We're currently debating whether to start letting our 10yo get the bus by herself to go to the park with her friends. Why can't a 10yo go into a supermarket by himself? What do you think will happen?

And in response to a pp questioning why he would want to ... because he's 10 and probably craving some independence?

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