Allowing children to play outdoors without adult supervision

[AnnieR123]

Hi All,

I’m new here. Was just wondering what your opinions are about what age kids should be allowed to play outside / walk to town without adult supervision.

We live in a small, safe rural town, but I’m not keen on my 10 year old walking to town with his similar aged friend (other boy is 11) without adult supervision. The other boy is allowed to go and get a muffin in the high street coffee shop or pop in to the supermarket to grab a snack, even alone, which I think was bonkers. My husband thinks it’s ok and at the age of 10-11 they can go alone. And he thinks it’s definitely fine if they go as a pair.

What do you all think? Am I being paranoid?

Thanks!

Let your DC go with his friend. It'll do him good.

Totally fine, dependant on the child being sensible, and how busy the roads are.

And if your child isn't confident enough you need to work on that. And if the roads are busy, you need to work on that.

What do your friends and parents think?
Do you have anxiety?

I was about 8/9 when started going out with a friend into town.
Legally from 8 children can be places without supervision being required e.g a swimming pool, cinema etc. So that would be my minimum age.

I was a very sensible child so not saying every 10 year old would be okay. But by 11 many children would be travelling to school independently. So sounds like you’ve just made a different judgement call to the other parents. That’s okay. But they aren’t bonkers in my view.

Thank you for the input! It’s school holidays and they are bored, it’s basically a fun outing for them, the 11 year old lives next door, they are friends with my son, normally they are just playing outside on the green next to the houses, but the older neighbor child is allowed to Costa and Waitrose and my son wanted to go with him. In the end he went, as my husband let him after some mediation. They bought muffins and then played on the high street recreational ground with other school friends. He has a phone and we tracked him via Google Family link. It was just scary for me. It’s a small town but the high street is busy, it’s an A road. Plus yes I guess I’m paranoid.

Well done for agreeing to let him go as your dh wanted . I'm glad it all went ok. Hopefully, you'll be able to relax a bit more next time

@WorraLiberty

The other boy is allowed to go and get a muffin in the high street coffee shop or pop in to the supermarket to grab a snack, even alone, which I think was bonkers.

You seem to have missed out vital information there, which is why you think this 11 year old child going out in a 'small, safe, rural town' is bonkers?

Because I don’t really think it’s safe. Tbh. I still don’t. For the kids go together is very different from going alone. The other child also doesn’t have a phone. The high street is a major A road with narrow pavements. There is also a brook which has currently quite a lot of water in it. Walking to school doesn’t involve any of those routes. And a much shorter distance.

He needs to learn how to be out and about and assess risk for himself. You won't be able to do this for him forever. The sooner he can do this the safer he will be even if that sounds counter-intuitive. What he wants to do seems fine to me.

Have you taught him how to cross the road? This is a good age to start gradually doing things so you just need to make sure they are well trained.

The other child can be trusted to walk along an A road and not jump into the brook, yours can’t.
Whether that is a personality difference or a lack of ‘training’ only you know.

Interesting thread. My son is 4 and I actually think he's capable of walking to nursery school on his own safely across a very busy road, but of course he's too young. I don't think it's more dangerous out there than when I grew up in the 80s. In fact, maybe it's safer to an extent because there's more awareness about weirdos and peados? 🤷🏻‍♀️ The neighborhood kids who are older primary age all play out around our terrace and my son wants to play out with them but of course they aren't too keen on playing with a kid whose mum has to supervise. I guess all kids are different in terms of when they are ready to go out without supervision but pairs seems safe enough. I think the thing I'd be worried about the most is abduction but you've got to think that it's actually quite rare? At 3, my son was very good at waiting for a green man to cross the road and look for cars etc.

The biggest risk is cars, so you need to agree with him where the safe crossings point is, if he needs to cross the main road, and that he will wait for the green man. Otherwise he should be old, and sensible, enough to go out with friends for a few hours.
Waitrose and Costa sounds a lovely outing!

I live in a fairly rough deprived town and I would probably let DS do this from age 11, summer before secondary school to get him used to it. Most people on here who live in rural safe areas seem to let their children out to play alone at around 7/8, that's too young for me but I think 11 is OK.

My dds were allowed to twin with their friends from the age of 10. At that age I would drop them off and pick them up as it’s a 2.5 mile walk. They’re do walk now sometimes, but will often still ask for a lift. Once they started secondary that walk, we’ll most of it, was their walk home from school, so they had to do it alone then.

I think what you’ve described is fine and completely age appropriate. The 11 is either first year of secondary or will start in September, so I don’t see a problem with him doing a solo walk to town, so long as it’s not miles and miles.

@ForkedIt

The other child can be trusted to walk along an A road and not jump into the brook, yours can’t. Whether that is a personality difference or a lack of ‘training’ only you know.

Not really. Your comment is ignorant. If you had any sons, you would know that boys mature a lot with every year, the other child is more than a year older, my son just turned 10, that child is 11. But generally it’s not about specifically my son, or that child. Generally going alone for any child imo is not necessarily a great idea. Regarding the A road, I have spoken to some locals since I posted this. They told me that the high street is an accident waiting to happen with lorries regularly speeding through and actually a new road is being built to de-trunk the high street section. I’m sure though that “the child who can be trusted” is immune to HGVs almost mounting the pavement.

I think that generally, 10 and 11 year olds should be fine to go out on their own. But traffic is the biggest danger (far, far greater than stranger abduction) and I can understand your worries about a busy A road and narrow pavement.

OP - then you need to teach him how to walk the road and talk about the brook with him.

He not waking up one morning and is independent, he needs to learn to judge traffic and situations and you need to teach him.

If another child is allowed more or less or if he has a phone or not is not that much of a concern for you. You need to equip your son to deal with a walk into town.

A dangerous road is a valid reason to be worried OP. How much road sense does your son have? Do you let him decide when it is safe to cross when you are out walking together? If you don't, then start doing that now so you can see if he is capable of spotting safe crossing spaces and waiting for the right time. Once he is in secondary he will be expected to be much more independent so you need to work now on making sure he can be safely independent by then, with the dangers in your area.

I’m not sure personally the place makes a huge difference. I can think of some pretty horrible things that have happened in safe rural small towns. But I think 11 is the right age to start this sort of thing.

This. 150%

*cheeseismydownfall

Personally I think it would be 'bonkers' not to allow this, assuming there isn't a specific and significant risk that you haven't mentioned (e.g. crossing a duel carriageway) and that the children have age-appropriate judgement. A 10/11 year old should be fully capable of walking along quiet-ish streets and making a simple purchase from a shop independently!

Children need to grow into adults through a succession of tiny steps and increasing freedoms. They don't magically become responsible and capable at 16 or 18, especially if they have been over-protected.*

I’m sure though that “the child who can be trusted” is immune to HGVs almost mounting the pavement.

An HGV could mount the pavement when you're right next to him supervising and there would be nothing you could do to stop it or protect him.

So I'm not sure that's a valid argument for not letting him go - unless you never take him with you into town?

Playing out (local park, round to friends' houses within 10 minutes walk; going to local shop) starts at age 9 around here. Some 8 year olds also out (generally those with older siblings). I cannot see an issue with what your son is planning to do although I do agree that he and his friend are at ages where a year does make a difference - the older boy is on the cusp of secondary school where an outing like that will be commonplace; your DS is just starting to branch out on his own.

another thing to think about - if you think the brook and the road make the route too dangerous, at what age do you think it will be ok for your DS to go that way? What will you do to enable this so you do feel happy with it within the next year or so?

How do you think you are going to protect him from an hgv mounting the pavement if you are there? If it’s because he’ll walk in the road then you need to teach him not to; if you don’t think he can be taught not to then he isn’t sensible enough and it’s a personality thing. Which was my original point; clearly the other child knows not to walk in the road.
Not sure how that’s ignorant ... I’m also not sure how you know I don’t have sons but ok.

@AnnieR123

Hi All,

I’m new here. Was just wondering what your opinions are about what age kids should be allowed to play outside / walk to town without adult supervision.

We live in a small, safe rural town, but I’m not keen on my 10 year old walking to town with his similar aged friend (other boy is 11) without adult supervision. The other boy is allowed to go and get a muffin in the high street coffee shop or pop in to the supermarket to grab a snack, even alone, which I think was bonkers. My husband thinks it’s ok and at the age of 10-11 they can go alone. And he thinks it’s definitely fine if they go as a pair.

What do you all think? Am I being paranoid?

Thanks!

I let my two do things like this. It seemed perfectly sensible, given they were children with no special needs, fairly sane and that they enjoyed being trusted to carry out routine things unsupervised.

Of course a 10 year old can do those things, narrow pavements are still pavements and I assume they use a proper crossing to cross the A road. My son is just tuned 11 and his friends are all between 9 and 11 we don't live in a particularly nice area but they have been out and about for a few years now, no problems. They have their phones they have been going to the beach a lot this half term which is as dangerous as your brook and they have managed not to get swept away yet because they have been taught about the dangers.