Did any one make a conscious decision to stay single for till the kids were older after a divorce?

[Milkywayqueen]

Just wondering really.

Had a chat with my friend tonight and she said as its been a year after the split I should 'get back out there and start dating'. Ive told her I've made a decision not to as I don't want to unsettle the kids. Friend thinks ill struggle to meet some one when im old

Ex is seeing some one but they haven't met them or know they exist.

My DStepM was widowed at 40 with 4 young DC and decided not to date until they were adults because she didn't want anyone else to interfere with their upbringing.

Unfortunately my DSis didn't follow her example post divorce and got involved with someone who was very toxic. Fortunately it is over but it cost her a lot.

A year is nothing, no time at all to heal after a split. If other people are ready and want to meet someone/date whatever it's their business but it's certainly not unreasonable to want to stay single especially if you have children to consider. Having someone to share the load with can be good but having no one else (adult wise) to keep happy is better!

@Cocopogo

It seems men just bounce from one relationship to another

You’ve led a sheltered life if you think it’s just men!!!

Absolutely. Single since ex left for the ow over 7 years ago now. Ds’s then were 2 and 5. Now 10 and 12 and they need a calm secure stable home. Relationship with ex was abusive and they have witnessed his ongoing abusive volatile on off relationship with ow who he took them to meet only a few weeks after leaving us. They have a very low opinion of him and are no contact with him now. We are happy, just the three of us, no arguments or tension in our home. I would love someone to share the burden sometimes, emotionally and financially but I’m not daft enough to believe another man would ever put my kids needs above their own. So it won’t happen.

My marriage ended in 2018 after 10 years due to his infidelity, after a period when I had been nothing but supportive after his business collapsed I felt fuming that my love and care was repaid with such selfishness. I threw him out the minute I found out about the other woman. A year later in the middle of 2019, I started dating a guy for a year as I needed the attention and so did he as he was also going through a divorce (where all his love and care were repaid with unkindness yet not down to infidelity). He was fearful of commitment and I wanted to commit, so he told me he thought I was fantastic and gorgeous, yet he needed to keep things light and casual like we had as he needed things to progress slower than I was ready for. I respected his decision and we stayed on friendly terms even to this day. I then met my now ex 3 months later. We ended up being together for a year having so much fun and loving each other's company, there was so much attraction, so much passion (I had fallen in love with him yet never said a thing, until he blurted out that he was in love with me first, I cried as I was so happy) a year after first meeting we moved in together and lived together for 2 years, then out of nowhere he upped and left. After a period of being unemployed and discontent with himself. I was shocked and felt let down, as my kids loved him as did I. I told him he was making a huge mistake, and he should not be doing this after struggling with his mental health yet he wouldn't listen and he said he needed to do this and it wasn't due to lack of love for me, it was due to his internal issues. I've found it the most upsetting and hardest ever break-up I have ever had. As our life was full of travel and adventures and I just loved being around him and not one thing he did ever got on my nerves. I loved him inside and out. I didn't want us to end I loved him so much. It's now been a year and I still am not over my disappointment as we had our future mapped out. Then he ran away and played with my heart and feelings a few months later. I don't want a relationship now. I'm 45 my children are 13 and 14. I can't put them through loving another man other than their dad and him leaving. My ex-partner had loved my kids, yet he behaved terribly and just blocked both my children on his WhatsApp two months after moving out which upset my son. I am not someone to overact yet I ended up calling my ex's mum crying, as I can't believe he could just block 2 children he had loved and treated like his own. His mum was fuming and she didn't speak to him for 3 months, as she had loved my kids too like they were her grandkids. The whole thing has crushed me. He then came back to see me 3 months after leaving and talked like he wanted us to get back together then he ran off again, and has not spoken to me properly since I tried to find out what the hell he was playing at. yet he just remained mute. Now I really can't emotionally go through any more disappointment. I am not interested in being with anyone, and right now that decision I am sticking to for the foreseeable future.