Most meet ups with MIL leave me a bit sad.

[Boggings]

NC for this, family are on here.

Does anyone feel like no matter what they do meeting up with MIL (or maybe older more traditional family members) leaves them feeling flat and sad?

If I'm asking about her it's fine, she's friendly and cheerful.

If I talk about my own interests or things I've been up to she literally looks around the room looking bored/contemptuous/looks at her phone.

She's not even old, early 60s. But unless my conversation fits into her small sphere of interest she's ostentatiously disinterested. Literally looking around the room and occasionally shrugging, comments "Well! If that's what you're into".

Wtf? Been with DH 11 years, always made an effort, always ask after her. But the moment I mention what I've been doing or interested in she's completely gone. I'm not even talking about outlandish things.

Time to give up??

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My parents (divorced) are BOTH like this. Its taken me far too long to realise they just arent interested. 😔.

For my mum she just doesn't know what to say so says "oh". I think she has never coped with any of my emotion or sadness and then feels bad she cant help or fix it so pretends its not there. Me having feelings makes her uncomfortable....

Sometimes I say "did you hear me say xyz?" But it just makes her irate! We came back from holiday recently. I rang and said "We're back!". No response at all other than "Good. Now the weather today looks... blah blah blah."

It's so strange. Not interested in the kids really (says she is.) Its hard.

@Faircastle

Actually, thinking about it, my in-laws also spend more time asking about us than I do about them.

I think I must be the self-absorbed one already. 😳
Will make more effort.

I shouldn't worry too much @Faircastle, most of the people mentioned on this thread could never have that level of self-awareness!

My fil was like that, never gave a monkeys about anything that didn’t interest him. (Football, money, his holidays, his other sons-one golden one not) Weirdly would ask me about my parents, but I was an insignificance.

@TropicalFairyCake
The hearing/not listening thing. My Mum is deaf in one ear. I know full well when she's heard me say something but chooses to ignore it. I think she thinks I forget which ear she's deaf in. She wants me to repeat myself, it's so odd and I certainly do not repeat myself. My Nan did the same thing and my Mum used to moan about it.

I think it is a bit of an age thing (obviously some people are always like this) but my mum has started getting like this after never being like it. She’s late sixties - I can’t have a conversation with her lately without feeling frustrated. I’m trying to ignore it at the moment as her world has got smaller because of all this whereas I’ve been to work all the way through. I hope it wears off a bit.

Pure egocentric ageism. Perhaps she feels young things (well not that young really) only twitter on about themselves and their interests and most of it is inane drivel?

What does she do for work? Most women in their early sixties are working still. Many GPs, consultants, Politicians, Solicitors, Engineers, lecturers and headteachers are people in their sixties.

Perhaps ask about her rather than just talking about yourself?

I suppose it might be the equivalent of me listening to the dc talk about the Fortnite battle pass, new skins and emojis.. though I hope I give a better impression of listening with interest!

I wouldn’t give up completely, but just accept her for who she is and engage with her on her own terms. You don’t need her to be interested in you, so I would stop expecting that. This way you will avoid disappointment and also keep the peace.

Mine is the same too. I've been with dh 21 years and she genuinely still doesn't know what my job is despite being told many times over the years

Notfrozen this is the stance I'm moving to but its sad. You can say you don't "need" a parent to be interested in you or have a conversation with you - but if all your interactions are one way it isnt very nice.

In one sense we dont "need" other people. But if covids taught us anything on the whole people need contact with other people. I prefer to have 2 way conversations and find it very sad when there isnt a family member to have the "oh child x did this today" conversations with.

@TropicalFairyCake I agree, it is sad

@NotFrozen exactly , that’s what I’ve had to accept with one of my daughter in laws. Takes a while to come to terms with it, but you are right, it keeps the peace.

@starrynight21

I think some people are just like that, nothing to do with age really. My sister is like that, as long as we're talking about her she's fine. The minute I say the most innocuous thing about myself, she just zones out . I'd guess that she wouldn't know one thing about me . Annoying but she's all I've got so I put up with it.

Same here. except i keep my distance, she makes me feel crap and i just don't need it

She’s just a CF

I can't imagine behaving like that to my DiL we get on really well and I'm always thrilled to hear what she's doing.

I think anyone who only enjoys talking about themselves you definitely need to distance yourself from. Small doses x