What do you do/have to make your life easier?

[Fitforforty]

As a family we are struggling a bit. I’m a
SAHM to a toddler who doesn’t sleep well and a 5 yr old. DH is currently working from home. Both sets of parents are in poor health and require support. I’m exhausted after shielding/home schooling. I’m over weight and need to see my friends. I’m fed up with meal planning but due to allergies, a veggie and a picky child I’m struggling how to make this easier. I looked into gusto style boxes and I couldn’t find even one company who had even 3 suitable meal for us.

We are going to get a cleaner again and a get in a handy man to do all the DIY jobs which have been building up. What things do you do to make your life easier/better?

Cleaner definitely (know you already said that). Gardener. And I know you said you tried Gousto but what about Hello Fresh? I found they had a lot of family friendly stuff on there.

Can you parents/ILs afford to pay for some of the support you're currently giving? They may prefer you to do it but that's not necessarily the point. Is it serious enough that they'd qualify for care?

Eat on a 2 week rota (1 week if you can bear it) and eat leftovers for lunch next day. My kids were picky. I decided it wasn't worth the energy fighting it and let them eat "beige and peas" for dinner until they grew out of it. They're completely fine and have diversified

Cleaner once a fortnight makes a big difference here.
Big freezer with lots of batch cooked meals in there.
Accepting freezer food/easy dinner is absolutely fine if it’s not every day,
Lower standards for tidiness.
Les Mills subscription so I can work out from home when I’ve got a spare minute.

It sounds like things are tough. . Sometimes just getting through the day is good enough.

Also chronically ill and can't do meal services due to multiple allergies in the family - I feel your pain. I get a selection of appropriate ready meals once a week or so.

Also weekly cleaner, fortnightly gardener, robot hoover, robot lawn mower. Had a laundry service when I was very very poorly.

Thanks

@LunaHardy thanks for the ideas. We have more of a yard than a garden but I may get someone to power wash it for me. I’m sure I looked at Hello fresh but I will try again.

@Insert1x20p My Mum already has care. My parents are refusing more help so I’ve had to say I’m not able to do x, y and a and I’ve suggested different options but at the moment they are not agreeing to them. The issue is when my DDad is in hospital and my Mum can’t manage on her own. Two rota sounds like exactly what we need.

Thanks @PurpleDaisies. I’ve spent a lot of just trying to get through the day but now my physical and mental health and my marriage is suffering something needs to change.

We have a helper who does all our cleaning, laundry, school pick ups, ferries kids to after school activities but DH and I both work full time.

For the other stuff, I meal plan and meal prep at the weekends so there’s always something in the fridge/freezer that can but pulled out easily but yes it can be demoralizing doing the same meals over again.

Kids uniforms laid out each evening, lunch kits packed the night before.

And definitely look into respite care for your ILs which shouldn’t fall to you.

@TenCornMaidens I feel for you. My youngest has just failed midway through the milk ladder and I was hoping so much that we might have had one allergy down. I’m bf and I just want to go out and have an ice cream sometimes. We have a robot hoover but what I need is a robot who removes all the sticky marks left by the toddler.

I dont answer the door unless I am expecting someone or it looks like a courier or post person with a package (got cctv). That way I dont get disturbed by whiney NDNs, sales people and other randoms. If they cant get an answer they will eventually go away and ask someone else.

We use 'cook' meals x

Me and dh work full time, one dd, one ds on the way, and have no relatives around to help us.

We've been there: chaos, stress, no time. But we've come out the other side by simplifying everything:

2 week meal rota like pps suggested with an online shop set up with the ingredients

A massive clear out of stuff. Stuff needs tidying and cleaning. Less stuff means less tidying and cleaning so whatever we didn't absolutely need we got rid of.

Dropping our standards and not letting cleaning stress us, plus cleaner once a week.

Just getting up in the morning and getting out. No nonsense, out the door with a premade lunch and to the playground where dd can be as messy as she wants, tiring herself out in the process.

Get an early bedtime and wake up early in the morning. Things are so much easier to handle during day light. If you can, find time for a walk every day to reset when you are feeling stressed.

Any sources of stress just say no. Family members burdening you - just say no. If you were wiped out tomorrow they would find a way. Friends more hassle than they are worth? Don't answer the phone.

Once you have a bit more space in your life you can start investing in improvements for the long term. Untidy cables, get a cable holder. Too many meals to cook? Batch cook. Over buy on underwear and socks so if the washing piles up, who cares, just blast it once a fortnight. Rethink what dirty clothes really means. Smelly = dirty. Dropped ketchup on your tshirt but not going anywhere, just wear it nobody cares or will even see you.

And never say yes to new, stressful projects or tasks. Just say no. Keep it simple and cut out all the unnecessary things you don't need.

Robot vacuum cleaner

For dinners I would do a lot of stir fried veg and then remove that for the vegetarian and then add meat which I would stir fry separately. Or I would roast a lot of veg in the oven and just do the meat in a separate tin. Plus do you like tofu? That could do a meal once or twice a week.

When it comes to washing I see there being dirt and dirt dirt as I call it. If I spill yogurt on my top I will just rub it off and wear it again.

Eating was always in the kitchen only, no biscuits being rubbed in to the sitting room carpet.

Regular throwing out of outgrown clothes and toys to the charity shop.

Cleaners
Gardener
Handyman
Car washed
Buy some chopped veg/fruit
Older DCs do some chores

Regular clear outs

@catbearAmo, I didn't start this thread but I just wanted to say thank you. Brilliant advice that I needed to hear

Make a list of all the meals you can eat, keep it very simple and write ingredients below. When you online shop pick 7 of them and type in the ingredients. Think along the lines of:
-filled pasta and sauce
-jacket potatoes
-fish fingers, chips and peas

• stir fry sets
• pre made pie/sausages with ready made mash

Best advice I had on here was to prioritize doing stuff for your future self, so always doing a small thing that makes tomorrow easier. Cooking double so tomorrow's dinner is done. Leftovers in a Tupperware for lunch. Three outfits sorted on Sunday evening to mix and match for work over the week. Easy haircut so can shower in the evening, dry it and just get up and go in the morning. Buy (second hand) as much school or nursery kit as possible so you've always got dry wellies or a non muddy coat for the DC. Lower your standards on food, tidying and cleaning, don't read all the crap on here about mopping every day and changing your sheets every two days! Buy ready meals for days when it's really busy. Don't have any pets (love mine but they cause little daily chores which sometimes does my head in). Be utterly ruthless about chucking stuff out: you aren't going to fix it and it isn't going to come in useful.

This is a bit more philosophical but I read/listen to Eckhart Tolle. It sort of reminds me that most shit doesn’t matter. Other people’s opinion doesn’t matter. That’s not to say that it makes responsibility disappear but at least I’m reminded I’m doing it on my terms, not on the “should be” of other people. X x x

Cook enough on an evening to feed you the next day at lunch.
Have a takeaway night or ready meal night so you have a night off.
Have your shopping delivered.
Get ready for the next morning the night before (iron clothes/make any pack ups/pack bags)

Daily jobs tend to involve:

1. Laundry
2. Kitchen sink and work surfaces
3. Hoovering

2 or 3 times a week:

1. Clean toilets and basins (bath and shower).
2. Change towels
3. Mop hard floors

Weekly:

1. Bed change
2. Dust

There's a brilliant app called Tody where you can programme a job a day to remind you, and you tick it off which helps feel good! Depending on the age of others in the household, you can get them to login and sync when they do a job.

I second a robot hoover but I would say by a basic roomba from Amazon. I got mine for less than £200 including delivery nearly 10 years ago and it's still going strong. Best purchase I ever made. You just press play and off it goes, then docks itself to recharge when it's done. I'm told other robots aren't as good and know 2 people who, on the back of seeing mine, bought a different mode then didn't use it because it wasn't as good.

Do you have a tumble dryer? Dry or hang everything up with a 'hand-iron' and don't have an ironing pile.

One thing I read recently was to shut the kitchen down every night and I do think it makes all the difference. It doesn't take much to put bins out, clear the dishwasher and wipes down counters, but it makes all the difference to come down to a clean kitchen the next day.

I also use disinfect wipes on the toilet, every other day.

Sometimes it helps to multi-task, so, for example, clean the kitchen sink when boiling a kettle for a drink, spray the bathroom sink and the shower while brushing teeth, and I dust the children's bedrooms while they're putting on pyjamas and brushing teeth.

you sound shattered so finding some time to take a break & relax is vital for you.
if you have a choice between resting and doing something choose rest. and do not feel guilty about it, ever.
guilt is a waste of mental resources, so cut it out.
have some duvet days when you stay in your jimjams all day and watch films and play games & get takeaway for dinner (or warm up batch cooked portions).

put on some music a bit before dinner time and dance with your kids (and DH too!) like a bunch of drunken wedding guests🤣
it's so much fun, guaranteed to lift your mood and maybe your tricky sleeper will sleep better. great stealth excercise too!

lists. Plan stuff for a week or month, not a day and see what you can complete within that time. less pressure than daily lists!

you are in survival mode so lower expectations to the bare minimum, and yes delegate.
sending you a big hug. it will get better x

One step could be your DH ensuring boundaries in wfh if they are not there already, to ensure he can help as much as possible.

@mamaoffourdc

We use 'cook' meals x

Unfortunately they don’t have more than 2 meals we can eat.

@CatbearAmo

Me and dh work full time, one dd, one ds on the way, and have no relatives around to help us.

We've been there: chaos, stress, no time. But we've come out the other side by simplifying everything:

2 week meal rota like pps suggested with an online shop set up with the ingredients

A massive clear out of stuff. Stuff needs tidying and cleaning. Less stuff means less tidying and cleaning so whatever we didn't absolutely need we got rid of.

Dropping our standards and not letting cleaning stress us, plus cleaner once a week.

Just getting up in the morning and getting out. No nonsense, out the door with a premade lunch and to the playground where dd can be as messy as she wants, tiring herself out in the process.

Get an early bedtime and wake up early in the morning. Things are so much easier to handle during day light. If you can, find time for a walk every day to reset when you are feeling stressed.

Any sources of stress just say no. Family members burdening you - just say no. If you were wiped out tomorrow they would find a way. Friends more hassle than they are worth? Don't answer the phone.

Once you have a bit more space in your life you can start investing in improvements for the long term. Untidy cables, get a cable holder. Too many meals to cook? Batch cook. Over buy on underwear and socks so if the washing piles up, who cares, just blast it once a fortnight. Rethink what dirty clothes really means. Smelly = dirty. Dropped ketchup on your tshirt but not going anywhere, just wear it nobody cares or will even see you.

And never say yes to new, stressful projects or tasks. Just say no. Keep it simple and cut out all the unnecessary things you don't need.

We do all this all ready. Everything was so much easier with one or perhaps I’m just getting too old to deal with sleep deprivation.

@Auntienumber8

Robot vacuum cleaner

For dinners I would do a lot of stir fried veg and then remove that for the vegetarian and then add meat which I would stir fry separately. Or I would roast a lot of veg in the oven and just do the meat in a separate tin. Plus do you like tofu? That could do a meal once or twice a week.

When it comes to washing I see there being dirt and dirt dirt as I call it. If I spill yogurt on my top I will just rub it off and wear it again.

Eating was always in the kitchen only, no biscuits being rubbed in to the sitting room carpet.

Regular throwing out of outgrown clothes and toys to the charity shop.

Thanks.

Unfortunately the kids won’t eat stir fry and tofu contains soya.

I definitely going back to only eating at the kitchen table.

I do get rid of out grown clothes but I need to cull toys again.

@LockedFarAway

Daily jobs tend to involve:

1. Laundry
2. Kitchen sink and work surfaces
3. Hoovering

2 or 3 times a week:

1. Clean toilets and basins (bath and shower).
2. Change towels
3. Mop hard floors

Weekly:

1. Bed change
2. Dust

There's a brilliant app called Tody where you can programme a job a day to remind you, and you tick it off which helps feel good! Depending on the age of others in the household, you can get them to login and sync when they do a job.

I second a robot hoover but I would say by a basic roomba from Amazon. I got mine for less than £200 including delivery nearly 10 years ago and it's still going strong. Best purchase I ever made. You just press play and off it goes, then docks itself to recharge when it's done. I'm told other robots aren't as good and know 2 people who, on the back of seeing mine, bought a different mode then didn't use it because it wasn't as good.

Do you have a tumble dryer? Dry or hang everything up with a 'hand-iron' and don't have an ironing pile.

One thing I read recently was to shut the kitchen down every night and I do think it makes all the difference. It doesn't take much to put bins out, clear the dishwasher and wipes down counters, but it makes all the difference to come down to a clean kitchen the next day.

I also use disinfect wipes on the toilet, every other day.

Sometimes it helps to multi-task, so, for example, clean the kitchen sink when boiling a kettle for a drink, spray the bathroom sink and the shower while brushing teeth, and I dust the children's bedrooms while they're putting on pyjamas and brushing teeth.

We have a tumble drier and I do all of that with the house work. Both kids are of an age where we still need to clean their teeth and DD1 has hit the terrible twos early and getting dressed is a battle.

I’m starting to think we are beyond help.